I am sorry if there’s a lot of typos and if I end up making no sense
But heart broke a couple of hours ago and I don’t know anywhere else to express all my emotions. Also everything is very blurry because I can’t stop crying.
What’s crazy is I think everyone knew this would happen except me. But he promised and I believed him.
The relationship started so perfectly, literally like a movie. I’ve been so happy with him and he’s been so perfect. But now I have to break up with him even if I really don’t want to, but I have to for myself because I deserve someone who loves me.
My graduation is in 4 days. He has known the date for half a year, he promised he would come. But he has been stalling on buying the tickets, he was waiting for the prices to go down but he reassured me that he would buy them.
My mom started hinting that he probably won’t come, that I should be open to the possibility. As the date approaches she made it more clear that he wouldn’t come, I started getting anxious and I told him that my family doesn’t think he will come. He said that was nonsense and that he definitely will, he’s just waiting (plus at the time he was on a trip with his friends in Asia).
He got back 3 days ago, everyday reassured me he would buy the tickets.
Today he didn’t respond to my messages all day or calls. Which I thought was odd, I was worried he wasn’t feeling well so I asked his best friend if he was alright. His friend said it was odd, that he was just with him and that he would talks to him. To which my boyfriend called me, I asked him if he was okay and he said “still jet lagged but I am okay”, I asked him if he bought the tickets and he nervously chuckled and said “you won’t like this but”
To that I said no no you promised and he said “I know but I need to work and on Friday I am signing a huge contract at work”. I said it’s fine my graduation is on Saturday you can come the day of and he said “it makes no sense to go for only one day”. Which completely broke me, it’s my graduation…I am graduating from law school…he saw how much I struggled, he knows how much I want him there, that most of my family can’t come and it’s important to have him there.
So I hung up because I was about to cry and I was in public. I messaged him and said I would call again when I got home and he said it’s better if we call tomorrow because he has jet lag.
I said no, that I really need to call. That I am super upset and that he promised and I trusted him. He didn’t respond, when I called him 20 minutes later he still didn’t respond, I called him again and again…until the third call where I got the hint.
And I’ve realized that if he wanted to he would, he has the money, he just doesn’t want to come. And that’s not love, he doesn’t love me.
Which is what hurts the most, because I love him so much. I was about to move to his country where my degree isn’t worth much and I don’t even speak the language. I was about to sacrifice so much just to be close to him and he couldn’t be here for me.
2 years of relationship…two years where I’ve been so happy with him. I thought he loved me too, he’s been a bit distant lately. Before we would meet multiple times a month but now less, I just thought it was work.
For godsake he cried the first time he said he loved me. He cried and he hugged for literally one hour…
What’s worst is that I don’t think he expects me to break up. I am the 23 year old broke law student and he’s the 32 year old businessman. He thinks I am lucky to be with him, his parents even said that whoever gets with him wins the lotto.
This is so fucking cliché….it was never supposed to end well. In every single multiverse I am a dumb idiot.
I love him so much it hurts, it feels like my heart is being ripped away from my chest. Part of me wants to forgive him, wants to say it’s okay…he doesn’t need to come but I shouldn’t.
I have to break up with him tomorrow, I love him so much but I have to. I have to do it for myself
Aghhh I can’t believe I called him multiple times and send him messages…I am basically begging..begging for him to love me. Just like I’ve begged him to get the tickets, I was on him everyday.
He was never going to actually get them was he?
Fuck I am crying so much it feels like I am going blind
Comments
Just break up with him rip the bandaid off he’s not going to change and staying in the hopes he will is insanity
Been in a similar situation. It took a while for me to realize that no matter how convincing or how CONVINCED he may be that he loves me, actions speak louder than words and his were silent. I saw no action, he never went out of his way for me (and he had been planning to marry me by then lol) I couldn’t take the neglect, the disparity between what he says and what he does. breaking up with him was painful but the best thing I could have done for myself. I’ve forgiven him too many times for breaking too many promises and I had to cut my losses and move on.
If he wanted to he would.
fuck him . girl he probably found somebody else over there
Honey, listen, you are not gonna be broke forever . you gave this man so many opportunities to do the right thing and he selfishly chose himself every time! you deserve better! Right now it sucks and it hurts and you are allowed to feel all of those feelings, but you are also allowed to celebrate the win of graduation and celebrate yourself. I hope that you are able to do that because you absolutely earned your success and there’s more to come.
No he was never going to get them. If he wanted to, he would have op. It will hurt but you deserve someone who loves you and wants to celebrate your win. Not someone you have to chase to pick up the phone because they avoiding being confronted on their lies.
Sorry op, but good riddance
Good you deserve better then him there’s a reason he went for someone younger he thinks he can do anything and you won’t end it
You’re not a dumb idiot. You’re just someone who loved deeply, and trusted someone who didn’t show up when it mattered. That’s not stupidity—that’s humanity.
The fact that you’re choosing to walk away, despite still loving him, is an act of strength. It doesn’t feel like it now—it feels like you’re crumbling—but you’re actually doing the hardest thing a person can do: protecting your future self at the cost of your current heart.
People will always say “if he wanted to, he would,” and while that’s not always true in every context, in this case—it is. You told him what this meant to you. You gave him time. You didn’t ambush him. He chose not to be there. And when someone shows you, again and again, that they won’t stand by you during your most important moments, believe them.
Graduating law school is a fucking big deal. It’s years of discipline, burnout, and doubt. It’s the kind of moment someone who loves you would move mountains to witness. He didn’t even book a flight.
You don’t have to feel strong right now. Just get through the call tomorrow. Cry all you want. But know this: you’re doing the right thing. And the version of you five years from now—stronger, sharper, fully in your element—is going to be proud as hell that you chose yourself.
And by the way? You weren’t lucky to be with him. He was lucky to have someone who believed in him, who made space in her life for him, who gave her full heart. That kind of loyalty is rare. He just didn’t know how to honor it.
I am so sorry. He’s a jerk. Breaking up with him is the right thing to do and it sucks and I’m sorry.
Have you ever heard the song “Love Should Have Brought You Home” by Toni Braxton?
If you haven’t, listen to it. And if you have… listen to it again.
I would say break up with him. There is a reason why people gently try to warn you about him because they saw something that you did I don’t want to sound jaded or harsh but why is it 32 year-old man dating somebody 23 could possibly be the women his own age can see his BS. Maybe they can see him for what he is and avoid him. The other thing I would think is he’s probably financially irresponsible and you are you starting out life and experiencing you are finding yourself in most cases why men take much younger women is because they’re easier to be manipulated or con gaslit. When I was dating my now ex-wife everybody around me tried to warn me my mother even tried to gently warn me about her, but because I was so in love, I could not hear them or refuse to hear them. It was not until after my divorce did I start saying things more clearly and I asked my mom about it and she said I try to do it as gentle as possible, but I did not want to to anger you and you cut me out of your life like your little brother did for a while and that you needed to find out yourself. You’re in a similar situation. You are so in love that you cannot see the obvious. I suggest that you sit down and talk to your mother and ask her to be truthful and be blunt and expect some very critical and possibly some harness about him, not directed on you but at him. The other thing why I say that you break up with him is because you do not want to be married, maybe 5 or six years in with a couple of children and then you really see him for what he is. I could be wrong but possibly he thinks somebody else where he lives and just try to procrastinate the inevitable. I hope I am, but I will say it again a 32-year-old man dating a 23-year-old woman and just remember the story when he was 30 and you were 20 is troublesome and you have it rewrite to feel the way you do just by the way that you describe on your post I would’ve broke up with him. Good luck.
yeah there’s ppl dying out here
You’re about to be a lawyer, are young, & a committed partner. He ain’t the prize sweetheart. Js.
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you, and yes break up with him.
Nope. He wasn’t. You weren’t that important. And now, fortunately now, you know this.
And you’re a lawyer!! You… now know better than anybody… how fortunate you are he didn’t buy those damned tickets! Jeez, if you had gotten more involved with him… esp in another country… how many years of your life would have been lost un-doing all of that?
I’m so sorry you had to learn this, but I’m also SO HAPPY for you that you did! I can see you’re just going to be so much fun! for someone in the future, probably in the near future, to meet & enjoy!
I know this isn’t quite the message you expect, but you know it’s heartfelt & true.
Congratulations!!!!!
PS – Go Celebrate this. I learned half a century ago – yes, in a law office – that anytime ANYTHING major, whether it’s good or it’s bad – CELEBRATE IT. If something is bad and you celebrate it, it’s kind of a way to Recognize it, to acknowledge it, and to let it go. I promise – celebrating even bad news… is a GOOD way to move on!
He is just not that into you.
Youre not an idiot.
The Universe has given you a gift.
You deserve true love and someone who appreciates YOU!
YOU ARE GRADUATING LAW SCHOOL! THAT’S HUGE! CONGRATS!!!!!
BROKE? Youre just about to start a lucrative career. You are free to focus on it with no distractions!
And now you can work on building your self confidence and remember who YOU are!
Yaaaaay! I’m so excited and happy for you!
Life kinda got a little wild for me too…and the thing that I feel like is bothering me is that everyone keeps saying things like, “It’ll get better” or “You did the right thing” and that doesn’t change the fact that I feel as though a part of my very identity has been peeled off.
I promised this person that I would love them and care for them, and support them and non-existent higher powers help me I still want to…every single day is a struggle not to feel a burning coal in my chest that sears with reproach at my own lack of ability to help them and rage over the unfairness over it all
Obviously it sounds like yours is a different flavor in that this person sounds like he’s actually deserving of being lost, but I know that it feels like a betrayal…not just to him but to yourself…I hope though that the feeling fades and you find someone who does love you. You sound like an incredible woman — high five on your graduation by the by — and someone worthy out there will allow you to pour all that love into them and return it to you in equal measure.
This odd thought cropped up and I don’t want to lean into false hope. Also, wouldn’t want to ruin a surprise.
Is there a possibility that he has gotten the tickets and everyone is in on it but you?
I’m sorry I hope you have a great graduation ceremony
For some men you’re just a bit part in their lives, and you come way down the list of priorities, definitely after what he fancies doing.
It’s truly gutting when you realise how little you mean to them when they’re your everything. This is why they say that the man should be more in love than the woman :/
“If he truly wanted to, he would… Never beg a man for the things that you know that you deserve. The right man will give you everything that you deserve and things that you didn’t even know you needed.”
Also, don’t kid yourself. You want to break up with him tomorrow, hoping that he’ll see the light and say something to make it okay. It’s not going to happen. Just ghost his ass. He’s not worth your time or respect
I heard you and i feel your pain young lady, I know that this is a very sad moment right now but I hope that you can at least find comfort in the fact that you made a big realization today, YOU DESERVE BETTER, and unfortunately he is not willing to give it.
This is the worst kind of realization, imo, because you love the other person so much, you would do so much for them, you HAVE done so much for them, and yet they don’t treat you as good as you deserve, it’s heartbreaking, it’s especially heartbreaking when you start to realize that there were probably other instances in which this dynamic is at play, and you just feel worse for yourself, I get that.
But listen here queen, you have taken the biggest, hardest step to take, it’s only upwards from here! It’ll hurt for a while, for sure, but all pain eventually fades and once you’re on the other side, you’ll be so much better, a glow up like never before.
I’m sorry you’re going thru this, I wish you the best, I send you a hug and congratulations on your well fought diploma❤️
P.S.
I hope you can pardon my sefishness, will hijack your spotlight a bit, because this message is as much for you as it is for me, I had to make the final call, it was really hard, but I too had to be strong for myself 😞
Congratulations on completing law school and what an incredible achievement! Heartbreaks hurt so much, and you feel like you will never get over it, but YOU WILL!! And when do you look back and wonder why you cried over that loser.
Go do some nice things for yourself. Get a mani pedi or a massage. Get ice cream and have a girl’s night. Lean on the women in your life they got you!!
Break it off and break his heart. You deserve someone better that will bend over backwards to get those tickets to see you graduate.
I did the same thing. 4 years. Always stood by her side whenever she needed me. The one time I asked for her to be there for me, she said she had to go to work and would talk after work. I explained to her that I really needed to talk to her but she kept on going how her career is important and even one day off is not worth it. I ended it then and there. You are doing the right thing. Words don’t matter. If their actions prove otherwise, just chuck them on the side. You’ll be better for it in the long run.
Truly sorry that such a decent lady is being neglected by that turd.
Updateme
Oh, honey. He is icky and a liar. You can and you will do better. Here’s the thing, he will be wanting to pop in and out of your life for years. Believe what he’s shown you now: you are not a priority or his love. You’re a shiny object he wanted, got, and is now tired of. I’m guessing you are smart, beautiful, kind and wonderful. He will be back, and it will break your heart again if you let him in. Find someone who’ll move heaven and earth to share with you your important moments.
TLDR:?
If he wanted to choose you, he would. He might love you, but he doesn’t love you in the way that you need – and in the end, your needs do matter. You are not asking for too much. From one law school grad to another, good job. The slog is long and the work is hard but you did it! Celebrate yourself even if he won’t. I promise you he isn’t the last person you’ll be capable of loving and you are deserving of someone who will love you back in the way you need.
You are going to be so, so grateful to yourself one day when you turn 30 and you imagine dating a 21yo. You are dodging such an insanely massive bullet. As others have said—actions are the only things that matter. Words mean absolutely nothing.
Youll find someone who would sacrifice the world to be with you on your big day—who would have flown out to be with you, even if it was just for a few hours. You’ll find someone who loves as deeply as you love them.
This wasn’t your fault. It hurts so bad, to be the one who loves more. But it says so much of your character that you CAN love like that, and it speaks so much of his that he treated you this way.
It hurts so bad, but some pain is good pain. Sometimes the right choice causes excruciating pain in the moment but leads to joy and healing in the future.