Me (F17) and my boyfriend (M19) have to keep our relationship a secret from my family and I hate it I don’t want it to be a secret anymore. There’s a lot to unpack about this whole situation but I will try and keep it simple. Basically i’ve lived with my grandparents my whole life, I have a great relationship with my mom and I don’t know my dad. My mom just isn’t fit to be a mother so my grandparents have custody of me, i’ve had a rough childhood in many aspects to keep it simple growing up me, my mom, uncle and grandparents all lived together, my mom, uncle and grandpa all are addicts and my uncle is bipolar and my grandpa is a narcissist with horrible anger issues, so I’ve seen some crazy shit in my life.
I screamed for him to come pick me up and told him what happened, my grandparents snatched the phone out of my hand and put it in the safe and told me if he comes they will call the cops.
About 10 minutes later my boyfriend was outside my house ( I was watching through my window) so I ran outside to his car and told him to go to the police station since they were calling the police on him and I wanted to report what my grandpa had just did to me. The police station is 5 minutes from my house and as we are pulling into the station a cop is pulling in behind us with his lights on. I get out and tell him what happened and my boyfriend asked what he should do and they told him it would be best if he left. I told the cops what my grandpa did and wrote a statement and they took some pictures of my neck, they drove me back to my house so they could talk to him, about 30 minutes go by and he is outside in cuffs getting arrested. I go back inside truly terrified for what is about to happen and my grandma tells me to get all of my boyfriends stuff because we are gonna go to his house to drop it all off because I need to break up with him now.
There was nothing I could do or say because my mom, grandma and step dad were all threatening to press charges on my boyfriend, they gave me 5 minutes to say bye to him forever after over a year together and dragged me out the car, they wouldn’t even let me go inside his house they made us sit in the car. They made me block him on everything and checked my phone for a couple months after to make sure I wasn’t talking to him. We were broken up for about 8 months and during those 8 months I was fucking up my life literally going insane (i have BPD and losing mt boyfriend was literally like losing my will to live) I was doing coke, drinking any chance I got, smoking 24/7, sleeping around with older guys, literally fucking guys for money/drugs, I mean the list goes on and on I was doing the most fucked up shit to try and forget about everything that has happened.
I had to beg the DA to not press charges against my grandpa just so my family wouldn’t hate me anymore the whole court process took months and technically my grandpa wasn’t supposed to live at home with me while the case was ongoing I literally had to go to court against him, It cost them thousands in bail and lawyer cost. During that whole time my boyfriend was calling me on no caller id trying to talk to me but i never answered until one day i did because i truly did miss him more than anything and ever since then we have been back together that was about 6 months ago and we have had to hide everything we do.
I can only see him out in public when my grandparents think i’m hanging with friends and I fucking hate it. They have my location on as well so it’s not like I could go to his house and also his parents don’t like that we are together because they are scared my grandparents will try and get him arrested. I love him more than anything he is my best friend, I know he would do anything for me as i’ve literally seen him do it 100 times. I was supposed to move out 3 months ago but plans fell through with the girl I was supposed to live with and now it feels like i’ll be trapped in the bubble forever I just want to be able to see my boyfriend like a normal person and I really don’t know what to do I just need some advice.
I turn 18 in June but to this day they still say horrible things about my boyfriend any chance they get it’s like they want to trick themselves into thinking he was the problem and not my abusive grandpa. My grandpa has literally said to me more times than i can count he is happy that all happened because it made me break up with that “asshole” he says talking, about my boyfriend. I’m just scared when I turn 18 they will kick me out if they find out i’m dating him but also I can’t wait to be 18 because then I can finally do whatever I want with him and go wherever I want with him even his house. We are already planning trips to go on when I turn 18 but i’m nervous my family constantly says “I hope you still have you location on when you turn 18” and I know they would not let me go on a trip “by myself” nor with him but at the same time I’ll be an adult so what can they really do?? I just need some advice if anyone can help I feel like i’m going crazy living this lie.
TL;DR: I (17F) live with my grandparents, who raised me because my mom struggles with addiction. When I was 15, my grandpa physically attacked me during a fight, my boyfriend (now 19M) tried to help, and my family blamed him, forcing us to break up. We secretly got back together 6 months ago, but my family still hates him, tracks my phone, and doesn’t let me see him. I turn 18 in June and want to be open about our relationship, but I’m scared they’ll kick me out or still try to control me.