So this is kind of a long, and complicated story so I will be summarizing to the best of my ability. I just genuine advice on how to handle this situation.
In 2021 I ended up becoming one of the main caretakers of my dying grandmother. She was my last grandparent and the one I was closest to. After her death, I got dumped with a lot of her things and I genuinely had a depression room in our guest bedroom. My (at the time) boyfriend’s mom and my mom has helped get rid of stuff and reorganize probably more than once since. We have moved since, and when we did. I got rid of a lot of stuff myself. But we also downsized to a rental (circumstantially with no other options at the time) to a house with no garage, no linen closets, no pantry, aka places that normal stuff that could be out of the way would go, I can’t put anywhere. I basically have another depression room with some things I want to hold onto, normal stuff that might go in a garage, etc.
Fast forward to now. My now fiancee has been super nice, not so nice, offering to help, saying our moms can help again, etc. but this last weekend he was not so nice again about I need to get rid of stuff. I need to get rid of a lot of my stuff. I have too many books, I need to get rid of a bunch and go digital. Now, he means well and he never intends to be mean. I understand he’s frustrated that our house feels cluttered and he feels like I don’t make as much of an effort unless he’s mean to me about it. And that’s a fair criticism because I know him and I know he means well and “my stuff” is inhibiting our living space. I am just so overwhelmed and my feelings are kind of hurt anyway, and I don’t know whether to just start donating everything I can get my hands on including my books or what to do. I feel lost. I think what bothers me is the way he’s approached not really talking to me about my hobby except lashing out in frustration, especially because he doesn’t get it since he’s a computer gamer. His hobby is digital and he thinks I should be digital. Books are my hobby and bring me joy.
Part of this was brought up is because we plan to get married and started house hunting to try to buy and move again by the end of this year, and my stuff is just another time to be packed and moved so I get it. I just am feeling so overwhelmed. I’m partially at fault for not doing as much as I should to get rid of things I’m probably just holding on to. I feel like he’s beyond frustrated with me being cluttered with stuff he doesn’t want to move again, and a big source is my books. I just want advice on what I should or shouldn’t do to help myself and him without feeling like I’m giving up too much of myself. ♥️
Comments
I too accumulated books. Love them! They became an issue in divorce—each of us wanted many of them. I finally left them behind and no longer keep books I have read. Everything is available digitally if I want to look something up.
if you get rid of belongings that have memories, you might regret it.
I can’t get past the “depression room”
What the fuck is that?
I can empathize with you not wanting to get rid of sentimental belongings, but I can also see why your fiancé doesn’t want to live in a cluttered space. Having as much „stuff” as you’re describing would be overwhelming for me, and I wouldn’t be able to relax in my own home. Would you be able to hire a professional organizer to help you go through your things and sort out what is really important to you? Maybe come up with some better storage ideas? I think you will both need to compromise here
My mom is going through almost the same phase except she bought too many items that immensely cluttered 2 full rooms. She has depression too.
We helped her a lot but it’s a long way. I always said to my mom, even if she threw just 1 thing a day in the trash or organize it anywhere, you will be 1 step further to your goal. You can’t declutter everything in 1 day. Set a goal for each day like 1 or 2 items, keep it small to avoid getting overwhelmed.
Imagine after 5 days you threw away or organized 5-10 items and in a month 30-60. You could develop a routine for example “every morning after breakfast I will throw or put something away.”
What do you think about this?
Can you rent a storage unit so it’s out of the way but you can go to visit until you are ready to decide?