i’ve been sleeping on the couch or in my moms bed or our bed in the basement when i’m back home and not at my apartment. i’m 23F, i had a little maltipoo since i was 9 years old who passed away january 2024.
i had no friends for my entire adolescence except for him. i was suicidal and depressed and in and out of therapist offices and hospitals from ages 13-20. when i tried to commit suicide when i was 15, i didnt simply because i knew my dog wouldnt get the love he deserved if i left.
he was my entire world. living without him – every day is a struggle. i still love him more than anything and will until the end of time. we just understood eachother so well. i think about him every day.
there are certain things i cant bring myself to do – i cant sit on one of our couches because it was the one he would always lay on so he could look out the window (i even stood while opening my christmas presents because i refused to sit on it), i cant use overly fuzzy blankets that he loved so much, and i cant sleep in my bed.
he used to always lay at the head of my bed, sleeping right on my shoulder. he loved getting as close to me as possible. i’d wake up with him two millimeters from my face, sleeping. i just had to whisper “good morning” and he’d bolt up, give me a quick kiss on the nose, and stand on the floor next to my bed wagging his tail, waiting for me to get up.
even when i graduated high school, i went to a college close to home solely to be with him. when he got sick, i was home every day, watching him slowly get sicker and sicker. i remember one night when he was very sick and i was crying, he lifted up his head enough to lick my tears away. i could never get another dog. i could never replace him. he was my soulmate
i cant sleep in that bed without him. his spot is still made up by the window, untouched.
Comments
I’m sorry for your loss. Even though you can’t bring yourself to get another dog have you thought about putting the love your received out into the world? Maybe volunteer at and animal shelter as a dog walker or if the shelter allows dog day out visits where you can take a dog out get them a pup cup and sit in the park or just take them home for a few hours to let them decompress from the stress of the shelter making them more adoptable.
If that is too difficult maybe volunteer with kids. Schools, literacy, sports and arts programs can use some help
My heart kind of broke reading this because it made me imagine how I’d feel if I lost my dog Micky
(He sleeps in my bed too)
I’m so very sorry you lost him, but I think you have a lot of love to give so maybe you could give a home to a dog who desperately needs one in honour of the beautiful boy you lost?
No one will ever replace your soul dog but I think after being loved by you he would want another dog to experience what that feels like 🐾❤️🐾
Sending you hugs from London 🤗