If you warned him there will be alcohol, that’s all you can do. He is responsible for his own actions and if he thinks it might be a problem then he has to say no.
You wanted to include him and warned him that there would be alcohol just so he could make the decision whether he wants to go and be around it or not. You did all of the right things
Be aware maybe…so he won’t be pressured to drink by others (just gently shoot down pressure ‘nah, chill this isn’t HS’, when you’re doing a round know his preferred drink (soda water etc.) and get it without show – just think he may appreciate if you’re conscientious of others pressuring him to drink or explain why not to the group.
It’s fair to gently ask in advance of he’d be comfortable or you can help buffer in anyway? And suggest the above if he opens up to that, don’t if he says he can handle it. Imho
It’s absolutely awesome you include him and support him on living it up to his new standards. Good friend in my books.
Gonna against the grain here. If it was a friend I truly cared about, I don’t think I could put them in a situation where there’s a high chance to relapse. I know I know they’re an adult, it would be their choice if they fucked up, but still. If they relapsed it would make me feel like absolute shit on the inside. Just my personal opinion though. Or even if we do go to the party I would stay by them and help them if they had thoughts etc. Just can’t see a friend who’s family do something they might regret
That’s the right thing. He has to live in the world. You warned him and he can decide for himself if he can be around it or if he needs to stay away. Either way he knows you’re not excluding him from your friendship or social life.
Nope not a mistake, you politely invited them and let them know that there will be alcohol. It’s up to them if they want to go, if they believe they’ll have control of themselves. Also it would be nice to offer them non-alcoholic drinks or even mocktails.
As someone that had been sober for nearly 7 years, no, you did not make a mistake unless the sole purpose of the party is for everyone to get as messed up as possible. By that I mean we’ve had parties where it was tons of alcohol, weed, and cocaine. We weren’t there to BBQ and play horseshoes and all that. We were there to get as wrecked as possible.
Don’t “out” your friend to others. By that I mean if someone starts asking if he wants a drink don’t be the one standing there saying “he’s sober, he can’t drink.” Let him be the one to say it. Be prepared to politely back him up if someone is asking him more than once it he wants a drink. A simple “he’s driving” or whatever to get the other person to stop.
As an alcoholic in recovery, it’s just not reasonable to expect a dry party. Even if the host is dry too, their spouse and friends likely aren’t.
For events like that, I’ll typically bring my own drinks to the party. My favorite go to is ginger beer. People that know know, people that don’t assume it’s alcohol and no one asks why you aren’t drinking.
It’s nice to still invite them. When you get sober you realize how many friendships circled around booze and how many friends you lose because you’re “no longer fun”, that part is kind of shitty. Where your friend is at in their recovery may impact whether they go or not, some alcoholics have learned that complete avoidance is impossible so find coping mechanisms, some people are stricter about it, removing themselves from environments where they feel they’ll cave into temptation. I personally couldn’t handle drinking oriented parties the first few months. Now I game plan for them.
You did the right thing. Consider your other options:
Inviting him but not warning him. Everyone is different and I don’t know his exact situation, but it’s possible he would be in a very uncomfortable situation without any sort of mental preparation.
Not inviting him at all. That’s alienating and could be seen as dismissive of his sobriety.
Have some non-alcoholic options ready and let him take the lead on whether he wants to tell people. Wishing you and him the best.
I think that you were appropriate in your approach. As their friend and since you’re bringing a guest, I’d probably pick up some non alcoholic drinks to take with you to the party so they have something. If it was me personally, I’d probably go light on my own drinking to be supportive but you’re not responsible for their actions.
THIS IS PERFECT!! Getting sober can be isolating because everything involves alcohol. You invited him, and warned him that there will be alcohol so that he can make his own decision and mentally prepare for temptation.
You’re a good friend. Never stop inviting him to things. You could also bring some NA beer or sparkling juice so he feels more included and can drink something with everyone
My relative who’s a past alcoholic told my family not to take him into consideration when attending gatherings together. As he said “Just because I abused it and cannot drink anymore doesn’t mean everyone around me has to adapt to that. Alcohol is a part of life so I can’t hide whenever it’s present”.
At least that’s how it’s roughly translate it. Idk if your friend shares that philosophy, but I’d reckon that’s the best way to go about it, and regardless of his answer, I’m sure he appreciates the invite.
Edit: the person still wants to be invited, just act like alcohol was never a subject, and serve something else for that person.
Depends where your friend is at in his recovery. I have 18 months without alcohol and have no issues being around other people drinking 99% of the time. They get annoying repeating themselves all night, though.
No. You let him know there will be alcohol, and he can decide if he wants to attend. If he comes, though, make sure there are nonalcoholic options readily available. If he begs out, invite him to an alcohol-free night out.
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Nah, you did the right thing. You invited them and made clear what it will be like. It’s on them to decide whether or not they can handle going.
If you warned him there will be alcohol, that’s all you can do. He is responsible for his own actions and if he thinks it might be a problem then he has to say no.
That’s perfect. You’re letting them make an informed decision and not excluding them
You wanted to include him and warned him that there would be alcohol just so he could make the decision whether he wants to go and be around it or not. You did all of the right things
if he were to go to this party and relapse, it would still not be your fault.
Just tell them not to openly advertise their sobriety it will kill the vibe of your party. “ I don’t drink.” Would suffice.
Are there non alcoholic beverages too?
Be aware maybe…so he won’t be pressured to drink by others (just gently shoot down pressure ‘nah, chill this isn’t HS’, when you’re doing a round know his preferred drink (soda water etc.) and get it without show – just think he may appreciate if you’re conscientious of others pressuring him to drink or explain why not to the group.
It’s fair to gently ask in advance of he’d be comfortable or you can help buffer in anyway? And suggest the above if he opens up to that, don’t if he says he can handle it. Imho
It’s absolutely awesome you include him and support him on living it up to his new standards. Good friend in my books.
He hasn’t been excluded, and he hasn’t been thrust unaware into a potentially difficult situation. Sounds like the right move to me.
Gonna against the grain here. If it was a friend I truly cared about, I don’t think I could put them in a situation where there’s a high chance to relapse. I know I know they’re an adult, it would be their choice if they fucked up, but still. If they relapsed it would make me feel like absolute shit on the inside. Just my personal opinion though. Or even if we do go to the party I would stay by them and help them if they had thoughts etc. Just can’t see a friend who’s family do something they might regret
That’s the right thing. He has to live in the world. You warned him and he can decide for himself if he can be around it or if he needs to stay away. Either way he knows you’re not excluding him from your friendship or social life.
Nope not a mistake, you politely invited them and let them know that there will be alcohol. It’s up to them if they want to go, if they believe they’ll have control of themselves. Also it would be nice to offer them non-alcoholic drinks or even mocktails.
As someone that had been sober for nearly 7 years, no, you did not make a mistake unless the sole purpose of the party is for everyone to get as messed up as possible. By that I mean we’ve had parties where it was tons of alcohol, weed, and cocaine. We weren’t there to BBQ and play horseshoes and all that. We were there to get as wrecked as possible.
Don’t “out” your friend to others. By that I mean if someone starts asking if he wants a drink don’t be the one standing there saying “he’s sober, he can’t drink.” Let him be the one to say it. Be prepared to politely back him up if someone is asking him more than once it he wants a drink. A simple “he’s driving” or whatever to get the other person to stop.
Definitely a mistake. Why take him to the temptation?
As an alcoholic in recovery, it’s just not reasonable to expect a dry party. Even if the host is dry too, their spouse and friends likely aren’t.
For events like that, I’ll typically bring my own drinks to the party. My favorite go to is ginger beer. People that know know, people that don’t assume it’s alcohol and no one asks why you aren’t drinking.
It’s nice to still invite them. When you get sober you realize how many friendships circled around booze and how many friends you lose because you’re “no longer fun”, that part is kind of shitty. Where your friend is at in their recovery may impact whether they go or not, some alcoholics have learned that complete avoidance is impossible so find coping mechanisms, some people are stricter about it, removing themselves from environments where they feel they’ll cave into temptation. I personally couldn’t handle drinking oriented parties the first few months. Now I game plan for them.
If you’re supplying drinks ask if he would like non alcoholic beer. And or wine.
Good job, it shows that you actually care
You did the right thing. Consider your other options:
Inviting him but not warning him. Everyone is different and I don’t know his exact situation, but it’s possible he would be in a very uncomfortable situation without any sort of mental preparation.
Not inviting him at all. That’s alienating and could be seen as dismissive of his sobriety.
Have some non-alcoholic options ready and let him take the lead on whether he wants to tell people. Wishing you and him the best.
I think that you were appropriate in your approach. As their friend and since you’re bringing a guest, I’d probably pick up some non alcoholic drinks to take with you to the party so they have something. If it was me personally, I’d probably go light on my own drinking to be supportive but you’re not responsible for their actions.
THIS IS PERFECT!! Getting sober can be isolating because everything involves alcohol. You invited him, and warned him that there will be alcohol so that he can make his own decision and mentally prepare for temptation.
You’re a good friend. Never stop inviting him to things. You could also bring some NA beer or sparkling juice so he feels more included and can drink something with everyone
I would not. But his choice.
My relative who’s a past alcoholic told my family not to take him into consideration when attending gatherings together. As he said “Just because I abused it and cannot drink anymore doesn’t mean everyone around me has to adapt to that. Alcohol is a part of life so I can’t hide whenever it’s present”.
At least that’s how it’s roughly translate it. Idk if your friend shares that philosophy, but I’d reckon that’s the best way to go about it, and regardless of his answer, I’m sure he appreciates the invite.
Edit: the person still wants to be invited, just act like alcohol was never a subject, and serve something else for that person.
I can swim in alcohol and not drink it. It depends on the person.
Imo it is.
Depends where your friend is at in his recovery. I have 18 months without alcohol and have no issues being around other people drinking 99% of the time. They get annoying repeating themselves all night, though.
No. You let him know there will be alcohol, and he can decide if he wants to attend. If he comes, though, make sure there are nonalcoholic options readily available. If he begs out, invite him to an alcohol-free night out.
I’m about 500 days sober and I reckon that’s about perfect.
As others have said, if you’re providing drinks it would be nice to make sure that you have non-alcohol options.