I just don’t like her

I used to be better at brushing things off if my MiL did or said something annoying. However, there have been a few things she did that really hurt and since then every little thing just irritates me – even the sound of her voice I cannot stand. The ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’:

1) she was 50 min late picking up my child from daycare and not communicating her ETA with me. The daycare is less than 5 min from her house. Also, she had my kid in her snowsuit in the car seat. I explained to her that she was later than I expected and to let me know next time. I also explained it’s unsafe to have a kid in a snowsuit in a car seat. The next day she called my husband and told him I was ungrateful, called me ‘patronizing’ and so on. I wrote her a card apologizing and baked her muffins. I also called her to apologize and the phone call left me feeling more hurt as she went on for 20 min listing all the sacrifices she does for the family and did not show any interest in understanding my perspective nor did she take any accountability. I spoke with my therapist about this and they affirmed my feelings about this whole interaction
– following this instance my husband and I decided to stop asking her for help with the kids. We got a babysitter. However she lives 5 min away and she does help out in emergencies or when our babysitter cancels

2) she has made subtle jabs at my family members (my own mother). The worst was when she accused my father of having a secret family in another country (based solely on the fact that he vacations in this Caribbean island once a year and spends a good deal of money there). When I was shocked at this accusation she doubled down “it just makes sense!” She said.

I cannot spend $$ on a therapist every time my MiL annoys. My husband usually tries to diffuse any conflict so rather than addressing things with his mom he will turn to me and explain how I can’t control her behaviour so I need to let it go (would be easier to move on if he would just validate my feelings – I know a whole other issue). so I’m turning to Reddit…

The most recent minor annoyance which makes my blood boil….

I bought a Coleman wheeler cooler on sale. When my MiL saw it, she said ‘why would you buy that?’ ‘Return it’ ‘I have 3 in my basement, take one’. She seemed irritated and repeatedly told me to return the cooler.
That same interaction I returned a carpet cleaner to her which we borrowed because we got our own and she said ‘you shouldn’t have bought a carpet cleaner, just use mine’. Again in a judgemental tone.
She has a stockpile of toiletries in her basement and tells me rather than going to the store just come to her basement and get what I need.
Seriously??! I don’t appreciate her having an opinion on how I spend my money on household items (we are not spending beyond our means). I don’t want to interact with her more frequently than I have to. I don’t want to coordinate borrowing and returning a cooler, or carpet cleaner, every time I need an item. It’s inconvenient to stop at a grocery store, not buy the toiletries, then make another stop at her house to pick up these items.

She is generous but SO ANNOYING! How can I be mad at someone who is so generous? I can’t help it! I am frickin annoyed.

What do you think?