I just found out my mum hates me.

Hello Reddit,

I just really need a place to get all my emotions out in one place about this situation, because it’s really shot any self confidence I had and it’s been really messing with my head since last night.

Last night me and my boyfriend went up to see my big brother and his fiance, he lives a 10 minute walk from my boyfriend, but I rarely get to see my brother so it was quite a nice occasion.

When we got to my brother’s it started out really nice, we talked about life, my brother and boyfriend nerded-out over videogames together (which made me really happy to see) and I got to see my brother’s dogs and his ferrets!!

My brother had called me 2 days before to let me know he had some “hot tea to spill” with me, so eventually we got to talking about it

In summary the tea was; there’s a girl in our life, let’s call her Callie. Callie is my brother’s old friend from highschool. Callie is a drama machine and likes to jump between guys. She’s played my brother’s friend around since they met, and after leaving him for the 3rd time she’s back with my brothers friend. My brother made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk with Callie, because Callie comes to my mum’s house to visit her constantly and it’s become clear that my mum loves Callie more than me and my brother (which my mum and brother recently had a fight about,) but despite telling his friend that his friend let Callie message my brother’s fiance via his number (they both have Callie blocked) so my brother blocked his friend.

After telling me this I told him that our mum had told me my brother’s fiancé had forced my brother to block his friend, this lead us into a long rant about the things my mum says about other people, and how it’s clear she never has anything nice to say, and just kinda hates everything.

My brother’s fiancé then let it slip that my mum has called me lazy before, saying that I do nothing around the house or for my mother. This took me off guard because for the first 6 months we had our dog I was the sole person who took care of her because my mother isn’t fit enough to feed a dog, walk a dog and gets annoyed too easy. I ended up getting so stressed with the dog that my friends/boyfriends had to sit me down and tell me to stop taking sole responsibility for a pet I didn’t want. I still do help with the dog, I feed her, sit with her, I do not walk her, but that’s because my family refuses to get the proper leash she needs, and she’s slipped her current leash too many times. I also often cook for my mother, clean, fetch items for her so she doesn’t have to get up etc

I told my brother and his fiancé this and my boyfriend vouched for me, and they told me they genuinely thought I did nothing by the way my mum describes it, I then asked my brother’s fiancé what else she says about me, and while my brother’s fiance was hesitant she decided to tell me as I had told her what my mum says about her.

According to her my mother says I’m;
“A selfish ungrateful brat” “lazy” “cares for no-one except herself” “sits in her room all day” “uncaring” “never around”

These really hurt to hear, and are also just not true aside from 2, the only 2 that are true is that I do prefer to sit in my bedroom as a lot of my free time is studying for my college course, or I’ll have company over, so we sit it my room to talk, game etc, I am also often out. Outside of education I try to maintain an active social life and also an active life style. I’m often out either at the gym, on a walk, museums, or I’m out with my friends/boyfriend at their house, at the movies, shopping etc, as it’s a priority for me to try and maintain a close social life with people I love as we grow up and become buiser.

Aside from that I strongly feel the other things are not true. I am not lazy, I am a very active person and I work hard in what I’m currently doing. I am not ungrateful, I am extremely grateful for what I have, and make sure my family knows this by thanking them and baking for them as a show of appreciation, and I do care about those around me. I often check up on my mother, remind her what her physical therapist tells her so she can get better, I’ll offer my mother half my meal when I cook or if me and my friends get take out I’ll let her know incase she wants anything. I spend a lot of time helping out around the house, cleaning, taking care of the dog, so my mother can lay in bed and rest.

Knowing this is what she thinks of me has really just made me sad, not upset, just, sad. I’m rarely ever “sad,” usually when I’m upset I’m angry about something, that’s why I use “upset,” but no, this time it’s just sadness. I spent a good chunk of last night quiet then getting my boyfriend all soggy from crying haha. I am still very sad, because I always knew she didn’t like me, but I thought she must’ve at least loved me to some degree, I’ve spent so much of my time caring for her, I had to quit a college course I adored to take care of her when she first became disabled, and I spend so much time comforting her, helping her. I know I’m not owed loved for that, but I just wanted to believe my mother did love me, now I doubt it too much. I know she hates me now, and it feels awful, I’m finding it hard to find it within me a way to be civil with her now. I feel horrid.

My boyfriend did point out that she is just projecting, my mother is lazy, she is uncaring, and she is also ungrateful, she refuses to help herself, even though she’s been given strict rules on how, and she also never thanks my father for making her things, for the fact he gave up 3 jobs for her and works 6/7 days from 2pm-12am.

I know my mother just kind of hates, she never says anything positive about anyone or anything (aside from Callie, who my mother made clear when I was younger than she wished was her daughter instead by saying “look how girly Callie dresses, why can’t I have had a daughter like her.” To my face at 12) but it still hurts to know she dislikes me so much

I apologise for the long post, I’m just feeling so much. Thank you if you read all of it, I know it’s quite a lot haha