So my MIL sends me a message last week saying “are you free on Friday morning or should we visit on Sunday”, we see each other Friday and she suggests she pops in on Sunday. We make plans so she can’t. She still comes over at 4.45pm just as we’re winding down into making dinner and bubs nightly routine. I ask her politely not to kiss baby’s hands as he will put them in his mouth. She stares at me long and hard and asks me to wipe his hands while I’m trying to make dinner. She holds baby intentionally facing away from me because she’s jealous he only wants to look at me. She calls me by my first name when referring to me when speaking to my son instead of referring to me as mum. When I make him laugh she says “why don’t you laugh at grandma” and tries to repeatedly do the same actions I did to make him laugh. She stays for 2 hours interrupting our whole night. I just cannot stand her. She winds me up so much with her entitled behaviour and obvious jealousy that I’m his mum and he loves me.
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Next time, don’t let her in.
Doors have locks for many reasons
She displays a typical jealous and stupid MIL behaviour. My MIL used to do that.
But I never allowed her to come at an inconvenient time. I would text her “ That day, time doesn’t work for us”. Short and dry. Be more rigid with her. They like to push boundaries, because they only care about what they want. Firm “no”.
And whenever she does something bothersome, tell her.
Reduce frequency of visits- I’d see her 2x a month max. She shows up unannounced, meet her at the door and just say- now’s not a good time and don’t let her in.
Where’s your partner to handle their mom? Why are you dealing with MIL, taking care of baby, and doing dinner? Next time you have to tell her “no it doesn’t work for us we will schedule you to come another day”. If she’s the type to just show up and walk in then you need to leave your doors locked
She’s relying on the fact that when she cries and makes a fuss about things, you’ll give in because of the discomfort of watching her cry. But you can say flat out no, Friday won’t work, see you Saturday
“…She still comes over at 4.45pm just as we’re winding down into making dinner and bubs nightly routine…”
You should not have let her in! You had already told her that you had plans. You had already agreed to meet on Friday instead of Sunday. You must set boundaries with consequences, and enforce the consequences. Boundaries without consequences are merely suggestions. Why is your husband not handling his family? Does your husband not have a spine? It is his job to handle his parents, it is your job to handle your parents. Your MIL would probably not be a problem if your husband had a spine and kept her in her lane. Deal with your husband first, and your MIL problem will probably go away very quickly.
Where tf is your husband when all this is happening? When she knocks on the door at 4:45?
What is your husband doing in response to her behavior? Reduce her visits. Address her bad behavior in real time. Tell her that she won’t get to see LO as often if she can’t control her behavior.
Why are you allowing this to occur? If she shows up, tell her at the door it isn’t a good time and goodbye. You decide when/If she visits your home go see your child. Stop giving her any power of a situation that is entirely your control.
If your partner won’t stand up to her and will let her in, and you don’t feel comfortable telling her she isn’t welcome, next time she comes by uninvited (because there will be a next time) drop everything you’re doing and take the baby up to your room and shut the door, don’t come out until she’s gone.