I have never really gotten along with my MIL. She is passive aggressive and loves to instigate/stir the pot. I have been with my husband for 14 years now and he’s had to confront her a few times about how she treats me. He’s not particularly close with her so he sees how she acts. However, his parents are generous and we love his dad, so he has a hard time saying no sometimes. His mother has some really weird mental health issues but won’t see the proper doctors, adjusts her own psychiatric medication, etc. soo it’s a fucking shit show.
We live in NC and they live in Ohio, about a 6 hour drive. This past weekend we made the trek to Ohio to visit. MIL was her usual annoying self, trying to instigate and making my toddler behave horribly. We survived but Sunday morning we left extremely early and I was SO ready to get home.
Hubby tells me AFTER WORK TODAY, that they decided to drive to Florida TOMORROW and will be stopping and staying with us in NC for the night on the way. WHAT?? We literally JUST saw them and that is less than 24 hours notice. I am pregnant with twins and I have a 3 year old. We just moved into a new house and it’s not even fully furnished. I am SO tired. I’m not even unpacked from our trip to Ohio and now I have to deep clean the house from top to bottom so we can host his selfish mother for the night. On top of that, I ask him not to make a mess when he gets home bc I don’t want to have to clean more than I already have to. What does he do? He starts making a smelly, spattering greasy steak on my clean stovetop, then decides to make powdered sugary puppy chow with my toddler. He “cleaned” his mess but it is absolutely not up to the standard I clean at.
I am so fucking annoyed. I know this is half MIL issue half husband issue but I just need to vent. I spent the whole day trying to reorganize from our trip and didn’t make much progress bc my pelvis is breaking in half. Now I have to deep clean tonight and tomorrow morning. Fuck. Why am I being tortured like this???? Am I overreacting??? Before anyone says “just have him clean” — I would, but he is awful at cleaning even when he tries. He never learned how to actually scrub anything. I am really particular about how anyone sees my home. I’m also a stay at home wife/mom so I just naturally do the housework because he typically works like 60hrs/week.
Ughhhhhh. Fuck.
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Do not deep clean don’t compromise your health and the baby’s health for this person take your time girl do what you need to do to get by and stay calm and get rest you deserve care girl
I can understand your frustration.
OP, when you deliver your twins will you hire a housekeeping person so you do not feel extra stressed about your homes cleanliness?
No. You do NOT need to clean for them. If you really need to do something hire a cleaner
These are not normal times. You are pregnant with twins. Lie on the couch and eat bon bons and have your husband and in-laws make the house nice. I’m not kidding. Don’t risk your pregnancy. You have enough to do with a three year old!
Yeah i wouldn’t clean a god damn thing! I’d be sitting on the couch with my feet up eating a box of chocolates when they show up! My husband would be fully in charge of entertaining and feeding them.
They get what they get…do not go out of your way or stress yourself. Retreat to the bedroom to nap, iften
You’re not overreacting, but be kind to yourself. You can have the standards you would like to have when you’re not pregnant, trying to manage 3 y.o., selling a house and unpacking from a major trip. Even Marie Kondo, uber organizer, said her standards changed after she had kids, so give yourself grace.
Don’t reward their inconsiderate behavior by going out of your way to be a good host to them. (Same applies to husband!) The most important thing is your health. Being stressed isn’t good for anyone, especially you. Prioritize your rest and eating well, all the healthy habits. (Mom of twins here, if that makes a difference.)
About the passive-aggressive MIL, diminish her in your own mind. Can’t please people like that, shouldn’t even try to. So what if she critiques your house? Who’s bunking there for the night if it’s so bad? (Handing her the bucket and mop might be tempting though, lol.) If it helps, take yourself out of the situation and remind yourself that this too shall pass. Coordinate with husband about what to do if you feel overwhelmed or if MIL makes trouble with the little one. Having a game plan, even for a short visit, helped me feel more in control.
Good luck! Hope you can at least enjoy some time with FIL.
Chill. Leave the house as is- under the circumstances MIL should expect what is.
If MIL makes a comment about the state of your home, point her to your husband and say “You’re the one who raised him to be a slob that doesn’t pick up after himself”. And then tell her where the cleaning supplies are and that she can ‘have at it’. Toss the toddler at her as well.
Then take your twin-gestating self to your chaise-longue with snacks and a good book.
Meet them for lunch and they can stay at a hotel! Why do they even need to see your house?
No, this is 100% a husband issue. You always check with your partner before you say yes to overnight house guests. Maybe you and little once you get a hotel for the night let him deal with his parents, and let him do the deep cleaning.
Don’t clean.
This is 100% a husband issue.
If he decided to allow people to stay in the house without speaking with you about it first, then he can clean the house or get a cleaner in to help you clean. If not, when asked, or comments are made about the house being “untidy” be honest, “well if we had more notice, or if I wasn’t pregnant with twins whole caring for a toddler, if husband was taught how to clean properly as a child, etc”
Honestly, save yourself the time, stress, energy and potential injury, and give more of yourself to your toddler, and just keep the house tidy to your current standards. Don’t do anything extra. If there isn’t a bed made for them, their son can do it when they arrive. You work 60+ hours a week caring for and raising your children alone, while keeping house, don’t put extra load on yourself when you are pregnant.