I just read the diary of my childhood friend who passed away, and I don’t know what to do next.

I’m an 17 male, and I used to have a childhood friend I loved very much. She was beautiful, and every time she walked into a room, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. My heart would race just being near her. She was kind, incredibly funny, and passionate about books—especially sci-fi and romance. I was more into sci-fi, but she convinced me to give romance a try. She introduced me to Dune by Frank Herbert, and I loved it. Sharing that experience with her made me really happy—it felt like we had a genuine connection.

But on July 27, 2025, she passed away from brain cancer. I’m still grieving, and to be honest, I feel completely lost. Some of my friends and distant relatives have been encouraging me to go to therapy. I’ve been reluctant, but that’s not really the main reason I’m posting.

Today, July 29, her mother gave me her diary. At first, I didn’t want to read it—it felt too personal, too painful. But a few hours ago, I finally did. The whole diary was filled with her thoughts and reflections. Toward the end, during her time in the hospital, she wrote about how she regretted not spending more time pursuing her dream of writing a sci-fi or romance novel. She also wished she had connected more deeply with people.

Then, in the final pages, she confessed something that shattered me: she wrote that she had feelings for me too. She ended her diary with a simple sentence—“I love you, [my name].”

Now I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about trying to fulfill her dream by writing the novel she always wanted to create—maybe as a tribute to her. But I’m scared, confused, and unsure if I’m the right person to do it. I just really need some advice.

Also, I’ve left out specific details to protect both her identity and mine. I mentioned that the advice I’ve been getting is from distant relatives rather than close family because I’ve cut ties with my parents due to their drug addiction.

Any support or suggestions would mean a lot right now. Thanks for reading.