I just want to call my mom and vent about my shitty week

I’ve started helping my sister out more at home (she has three kids and recent fucked up medical condition that makes her unable to drive) and ever since I’ve started realizing that my mom is a selfish person and at her core exactly like my grandma, who she ironically fully disavows. it used to be, when I was first an adult and on my own, that I never needed anything from my parents and had to take a LOT into my own hands after leaving home. I would see them on holidays, id call my dad to talk about horror movies or car repairs and id call my mom to talk about friendship drama and gardening. They told me my whole life I was gonna be on my own, and then I was, and it was fine.

Now my sister has a family and is close to home and we have more of a relationship, but it’s affecting my relationship with my mom. My mom was a crunchy-holistic, hypocritical Christian my entire life. I was subjected to incredibly toxic religious indoctrination, medically gaslit and refused certain medicines or treatments, and raised on “fad” diets as a child like raw/keto shit but done terribly wrong. My sister on the other hand is incredibly open minded and patient with her kids, an ally to me where my mom is transphobic, and genuinely one of the kindest most compassionate people (she still struggles a lot with health and mental health as I do, but she’s a fantastic mom and sister) and she’s terrified of ending up like our mom, because our mom FUCKING SUCKS. she’s a part of a security team led by a guy who protests AGAINST gay and trans rights in his free time. She’s telling people oils work better than vaccines. She’s forcing my disabled sister to drive because she’s sick of taking care of her daughter and her daughter’s family, even tho she has no job and all the time, money, and community support in the world. I can’t call my mom and tell her about my shitty week, about how I’m disappointed that I didn’t find a new place to live, that I’m scared about my future, or even about my garden and how my seedlings have sprouted, without her making it about God and how she thinks me being trans is the problem. or bringing up how much she does for my sister, even tho I know it’s less than the bare minimum. Last time I went home, I had driven 400 or 500 miles helping my sister because my mom had flaked on her promise to help (even tho I love two hours away and she lives 15 minutes) and when she was FINALLY available, she was wearing a shirt that said “Here to Serve.” how fucking ironic.

Before I reconnected with my sister, it didn’t matter what my mom thought. I had fully expected to get disowned when I came out, and if it wasn’t for the rest of my family supporting me, my mom would probably ignore the fact that I was trans until the day she died. but now…I dunno. I’m back in. I care about my sister, I want to be able to support her the way she supports me, and that just… fucks with the comfortable distance that existed in my relationship with my mom and now it feels like she has an “in” again. I don’t know. I just wish I had one of the moms who actually loved her kid enough to do the work and be understanding and not so transactional and manipulative.