And I always had much to say. Too much actually. But I always thought words were a source of misunderstanding, but if it were not for words then how could I express myself. I only had words. But I couldn’t express myself so I learned to talk with people, to know, to understand people and to be able to express myself. But every time I did that, later people would always leave me. All of them left me behind. That’s why I thought you were different. But in the end you also were the same aren’t you.
I fell in love with you and what did you do? I will admit I didn’t love you at first but I was always by your side wasn’t I? When you had lost hope, when you had cried, when you wanted to quit. I was with you because I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes as I did. I had completely quit mathematics and I had lost faith in myself a year back. At that time I had a friend who I trusted the most and spent my time with the most. She went away when she got selected and I was left behind. I wanted someone to say that I too could try again. I wanted someone to say to me that its okay to lose. I wanted someone to give me hope. But every last one of them left me. My friend whom I trusted the most never looked back and ignored me. My parents had lost hope in me. Everyone thought that I should quit maths… including myself.
It was the most painful time of my life and I never wanted you to go through all that too. I never. I don’t know why but I never wanted to make you go through all that. So I motivated you with words which I always wanted someone to say to me. And then slowly and gradually I fell for you.
I don’t know how it was but I began to care for you, more than myself.
And then what did you do?
You left me for some guy you met in college when he asked you out. I was there, wasn’t I?
I was always there for you? But now when I need you the most in my difficult times you left? You told me you loved someone else, and then we had an argument.
Yeah I am not that good looking or handsome like other guys. I am not exceptional at studies either. I can cook food, but I only know 2-3 recipes. I had no income. I had nothing to offer to you. That’s why I never asked you out because I thought that when I would achieve something in my life I would ask you out, but you left me before that. You said to me “ If you loved me you should just have said so, sorry now I love someone else”
See that’s what I am saying everyone is replaceable. I never cared for you so that you could return the favour. But I wanted you to stay by my side. I would always ask you every weekend “how was your week?” because you had told me to only message on weekends because you might be busy. I was there. I was always there by your side. But you left my side on the basis of ‘first come first serve’
You said I should express my feelings for someone I love…I have done everything I could for you and If that’s not love then I don’t know what it is. Love is staying by that person’s side when they need it the most. Sorry for doing everything I could do except for saying ‘ I LOVE YOU’ to you.
And then we fought and in the end what did you say to me… “ You only loved me because your friend ******* left you or because your friends group changed streams and left you alone, because when you had all these people by your side you never cared for me which is truly hurtful and unfair”
Yeah all I had offered all the love in the world and this is what I got.
Now we don’t talk. I had tried many times to talk but she just blocked me. In the end she said to me to focus on my studies as after 2-3 years I will forget all this… but one thing she doesn’t know is that I won’t forget. As long as I am alive I won’t forget. I didn’t love you so that I could forget you… yeah if I had half heartedly loved you then I might have, that’s why I will always have to carry the words which you said to me, all the time, wherever I go.
But the most ironic part is that the most beautiful and the most heart breaking message ever said to me is by you, and now I don’t know which one to forget and which one to remember…
To everyone out there reading this, “ You are much more stronger than you think you are,
That’s why you always give your best, no matter what happens. Sometimes everything in your life will go the exact opposite direction and you will lose all hope, but even so don’t give up on your dreams. Dreams aren’t meant to be given up, dreams are meant to be achieved. There are times where giving up is not an option so that’s why do your best in whatever you do. I’m not saying that you will make it if you don’t give up, but if you do give up you definitely aren’t gonna make it. That’s why until the end live your dreams and try to give your life a meaning”