I’m a tall black woman with a slim athletic build and I decided to give dating apps another go. However I’m noticing a disturbing trend where I continue to get guys that either fetishize me for my race, height or both. I have men tell me unprompted that they like women of my ethnicity, or ask me if I wear heels, then turn it into something sexual. I’m 6ft tall. I’ve even had guys tell me that I’m genetically blessed
I feel frustrated and feel like people don’t see me as a person, but rather for the physical traits I have or someone to unleash their wildest fantasies on. Are there any women of colour that have gone through something similar? I try to cut these types of guys off but sometimes they’re really sneaky. For example when the topic of my height comes up, they pretend to be cool and confident with it, then somehow their insecurities come up, or they keep asking me if I’m the first guy from X ethnicity I’ve been with.
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It’s really frustrating when people only focus on your looks instead of who you are… but I hope you keep standing tall and not letting anyone define you by traits they find exciting. Maybe try blocking or ignoring those who make you feel objectified, and look for spaces where people appreciate you for more than just your appearance, you deserve that.
I cannot relate to the height aspect but as a mixed race woman (white and black) I also experience fetishisation and it fucking sucks. Knowing that part of my appeal is a factor I had no control over and being viewed as an exotic commodity instead of as a human being feels terrible. You’re not alone.
I learned what Yellow Fever was in college. Icky icky icky. Filter the fetish fuckers out quickly by learning to recognize the dog whistles specific to your group.
Maaan people are so weird, just block them and move on
I’m 5’11”, very blonde, and built like a Valkyrie. So I get the body fetish aspect of this.
In short: you have ZERO control over what kind of weird shit goes through others’ heads. Quite frankly, that’s a good thing… I don’t want anyone having control over the weird shit that goes through mine.
This is just another time we have to be water rolling off duck’s back. It’s annoying, but it’s life.
One upside to being tall… you’ll never be subject to the weird petite/submissive fetish of the Weebs.
Fetishization sucks hard, and it’s infuriating when people reduce you to a stereotype. It’s important to recognize the signs early and set boundaries. Don’t let their weirdness dictate your worth. Focus on the people who see you for you, not an object of fantasy. You’re more than what they think.
As a natural ginger, I can empathize with the struggle. Had my fair share of people who wanted to date me just because of my hair color, and a couple of men straight up tell me they wanted to add the “got some fire crotch” to their conquests. 🤮 Soon as I learned they wanted me for their fetish, I stopped all contact real fast. No thanks.
I’m tall and got offers to “breed” tall children from men. It’s often said in a joking manner but disgusting af
I’m a 6’0 former athlete and pretty much within the first 10 messages I can guarantee something like “we can make D1 babies” or “you could give me a first round draft pick”. Its fucking gross.
As someone with pretty bad social anxiety, I’ve always had a really hard time wrapping my head around how people could be such idiots. Like, I was barely able to approach people on a good day and was a wallflower most days, so it blows my mind that people would make the decision to say things so profoundly stupid. I get that we all occasionally slip and something comes out wrong, but for people to consciously decide to vocalize some of the stuff I read in this sub is sincerely dumbfounding.
can I ask what your experience of the height thing is with men where it isn’t a fetish but something they like (so I can avoid inadvertently being unpleasant when I’m in this scenario)? I’m a tall man so I appreciate tall women a lot but I think hopefully in a pretty normal way – but at the same time if i dated a tall woman it would be a major benefit that she was tall, so I guess I’m asking if that would feel weird for them/you? (they would almost certainly be a bit shorter than me still though)
I’ve seen this reinforced in (is the word spelled p-oh-are-en flagged here? Rhymes with horn.) with the white-as-default systemic trends. Every time someone who isn’t white is featured, their race is called out. Every time their body type isn’t ’average,’ it’s fetishized or called out anyway. Sigh
I used to get the “you’re so exotic” card a lot, and it took me awhile to realize they wanted to “give me shot” because I was ethnically ambiguous like some kind of trophy. I also met a lot of insecure short men who weeded themselves out early, but the strangest encounter was meeting a tall man with a height fetish who actively checked my height during the introduction. So, so weird. But yes OP, the race and height fetish is a real thing, but moreover, not being seen as a woman/person was prevalent in all my dating encounters.