This might not belong in the subreddit but in my head it does. I pretend to be okay with my situation but I’m really not, I’m so depressed and sick of it. I can’t tell my friends because they just give useless platitudes.
I’ve been single for many years despite trying to date. I only “match” with a few people a year and sometimes get to go on dates. Over the last 2 years I’ve had 5 people I went on dates with, all resulted in additional dates. All of them liked me and had a lot of fun with me. All rejected me because I check most or all of the “good boxes” but they had no physical or sexual attraction to me. People generally look at me and I have about as much attraction as your uncle. All of them legitimately want to continue to be friends because they really enjoy my company and I do many activities that other guys won’t do. I’ve been getting some iteration of this for around 10 years now and I used to continue with the friendship and it was great for a while. These days I can’t do it anymore. Everytime I hear that I’m incredible and they want to date someone exactly like me but not me, it kills me. I pretend that I’m okay and it’s not a big deal but it has become a big deal. I can’t watch these friends date awful people anymore, all I think is about how i’m not as good as them and many are also absolute garbage but they are sometimes nice to look at. It just makes me feel worse and worse about myself. I’m also the only single friend in my groups and it’s just understood that that will always be a thing. I never get +1 invites for anything. I feel like my friends look at me and pity me. Kind of like, I really hope someone dates him but definitely not me. All of this is just really getting to me and I want to scream. I pretend like pushing forward is enough, I pretend I’m okay, I put on a smiling face and continue to be the happy guy that makes people laugh and feel good but I’m not. I just want to be able to be wanted just one time. I feel guilty that I’m so angry about all this and I just can’t put it behind me this time. Sorry for this rant, I just needed to post it somewhere.
Comments
Did I type this out and forget that I did? because this post summarizes my whole existence pretty much
You are seen and heard amigo. Its would be tough to get 80% of things right and the 20 percent you’re not cracking is apparently the 20 percent they care about the most to make things romantic. I also get the whole being the only single person in your friend group. I’m 37 and literally all of my friends are in relationships or married. I’ve been to go knows how many weddings and stuck at a table of people i didn’t know because i didn’t have a partner. I’m not going to give you useless platitudes, they’re not helpful. I will say this. If you’re able to see a image consultant do it or if you can talk to one of the dates that turned into friendship just straight up ask what they were looking for that you didnt have and make them be specific. not the “oh there’s just no spark” it’ll be something dumber they dont want to admit. Like they wanted you to have beard or be taller or look more masculine (people use that word and what they really mean is look like you could scrap).
that sucks I’m sorry your going through that also sorry I don’t have anything better to say than I’m sorry 🙁
Just focus on yourself, being healthy working out, dressing well and grooming yourself, enjoying your hobbies, someone will come along. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy if you’re miserable and angry about it all all people people pick up on that energy and you start trying to be someone you’re not. Plenty of less conventionally attractive people date other more conventionally attractive people because they’re confident and have good personalities. Working on yourself and learning to be happy alone will get you there trust me, just be patient.
I would suggest working out as much as possible. We can’t really tell you how to increase your attractiveness without photos.
Sometimes it’s not about looks, but self-confidence. If you’re confident in yourself and comfortable in your own skin people feel that, and it makes you much more attractive to them. Work on your self confidence and I’m sure things will turn around. I wish you the best of luck . Be proud of who you are inside and out
Get a dating coach, I believe it’s a thing. Like in the movie Hitch or find a way to figure out what you’re doing that is preventing you from closing the deal.