When I was 15 (now 31f), I slept with a 28 year old trainer from the gym.
Adolescent me hadn’t even thought of sex as something that could happen, we were just supposed to get pizza. I hadn’t spent much time with 28 year olds.
Afterwards, I left and walked home (~14 km or 9 miles). It was late at night by then, ballpark 2 am.
The main thing I remember is stopping when I walked past one of my countries main hospitals and staring at it. I can’t even say I was thinking about going in. I wasn’t thinking at all.
The age of consent in my country is 16. There are mandatory reporting laws for children, meaning usual patient-client confidentiality doesn’t exist (i.e. it would have needed to be reported to prosecutors/police, and presumably parents).
Sixteen years later, I keep wondering what would have happened if I’d walked inside the hospital instead?
I was fine. I didn’t get pregnant or any STD’s, through luck alone. I showered and went to work at a sandwich shop.
I can’t seem to tell people about this. Given it’s been 16 years, do I just stop thinking about it?
Comments
Sounds like some form of therapy may help you process and talk through these emotions, especially if you’re still struggling with it so many years later.
i spend every day of my life wishing i went to the hospital when it happened. it’s been years. i didn’t think it would ruin my life this bad but it did.
So I would say from what you’ve said that at 15 you were not informed enough to be able to give consent.
He was 28 he should have known better. Now I know life isn’t black and white but a man who has sex with such a young girl in my opinion is taking advantage of her.
Sometimes things resurface for us in our lives and it sounds like this has for you.
Probably because you are now seeing life through the lens of an adult and you are realising how young you were. Maybe it’s also sinking in that you were abused by a man who you thought cared about you in at least some capacity? I could be wrong
But either way first thing I will say is you aren’t alone.
So many women have told me similar things like this.
Secondly – please talk to someone you trust about this. If it’s weighing heavy on your mind please talk to a friend or family member. Meet them for a coffee and take your time to tell them what you told us.
Then I’d suggest accessing some therapy. I do feel you would find that beneficial.
I suggest telling someone you trust as it will help you work out if this is something you want to report to the police as in the eyes of the law this would be rape. Obviously if you want to go down this route, I doubt the outcome will amount to anything because they will be unable to pick up sufficient evidence due to when it took place.
You may not have been the only teen who had this kind of experience with him. But that’s entirely up to you and a very personal decision so I think tell someone you trust first and then see how you feel.
But therapy is a must.
I hope you are ok x