I, 21 (M) have been together with my partner 23 (F) for around four years. Earlier in 2025 me and her had a brief split for less than 2 weeks for a few reasons but got back together after talking and saying it was worth fighting for.
I noticed a guy, who was new, flashing on her phone. Being nice and trusting her, i asked her who he was and she stated, ‘he was just streaks’. I was fair and trusted her because i don’t wanna be controlling or nothing. It ended up bothering me so much one day she was in a store changing room. I checked through her phone. I found two conversation streaks, one of which, this person called her hot, beautiful and sexy within 5 messages.
The next text strands with him having ‘2 drinks’ in which he was absolutely begging to meet her in which she never said yes or no to him, which bothered me. Not even having the respect to tell the person to back off.
Later, we were on holiday and i found more dms, she sent him an outfit when i must have been away from her and he said ‘look at you’ with heart emojis which was weird.
I then went onto the phone the other day and found several conversation strands.
Convo 1: he states he wants to rip her clothes off. he then states she didnt want him to, she then states who said that.
Convo 2: he talks about how if she wants a ‘big boy’ and that she is the one. then he is talking about how it takes so long to meet her to which she states, good things come to those who wait.
Convo 3: he text her that he woke up in the night followed by him asking if she wants to see his boner. she replied yh, to which a opened snap was there.
Convo 4: He then begs to see her outfit to the point of ‘please xxx’ ‘for me;)’ and ‘why do you look so good ffs xxx’ begging it like no one else. she then sends a pic of her in a dress and he goes. ‘im speechless but i got an idea. show me those in person.
Convo 5: Then he begs to arrange to meet her and starts asking her if she likes wearing construction trousers and stuff and she goes yh, just more flirting.
Convo 6: Asks if he can spoon with her, she said yes. he names the general area she lives.
I just feel so sick to my stomach and not it is over. because she has been all over me and acting like nothing is going on. We had intimacy and honestly it was one of the best we had but i cannot even think about it because she probably imagined it was him or something. I just dont have the strength to break it off because it was some of the best times with her.
I am really looking for guidance. Do i speak up?
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Wow. Buddy, do you want to really waste more of your time on someone who doesn’t respect you? Grow a pair and break up with this pile of trash. The world won’t end if you don’t have a girlfriend. Eventually you’ll find someone who cherishes you like you do them, and you’ll finally realize that this person was terrible
Not have the strength to honor and respect yourself? What happened to you as a child?
Where are your balls? Might search for them in her purse
Speak up? about what? Just tell her you are done and split with her. There is nothing to talk about.
Edit: You do not not need relationship advice. You need advice how to build some self respect. And step number one is – stop snooping in her phone! You cannot be that weak!
Everyone is being so mean, but it is time to go. She doesn’t love you the way you love her and I’m sorry. She’s not the one, and frankly not even a good one. I promise you’ll find someone better
You get what you allow. This doesn’t end well for you.
Do you want sloppy seconds the rest of your life ? If the answer is yes you leave it
If no you just turn and wave
You’re 21m. Do you want to love a lie? She doesn’t love you and actively cheats on you. Think about how many more years you will waste until she decides to leave you for someone else. If someone can cheat like that with no remorse, and pretending it’s all ok with you, then she has no empathy for you and won’t care about doing it again.
I would just send her a text and tell her that you’re done, because she cheated with no remorse, and that you’re done wasting your life away with her. I know a guy whose live in gf cheated on him for 11 years, and they had 3 kids together. She eventually left him for a meth head, and now he’s a single dad of 2. She doesn’t even care about her kids, she lost their youngest and other 2 kids after them due to child neglect. She doesnt even have custody of any of her other babies (she had 6 total). This situation broke this guy, to the point that he had a mental breakdown and his life was ruined. He stayed because he was worried for her wellbeing, she was a stay at home during the time she was with him, and also he wanted to keep her close so the kids could have her mom.
Do you want this life?
Sending streaks to a guy you’re not friends with or talking to at 23 big years of age? Utter bullshit. You’re really wasting your time with her dude, there’s so much more to life than wasting your youth with someone who doesn’t respect you
Honestly if you can’t do it in person, just gather your stuff and break up over text. No meed to give her a respectful breakup if she’s cheating
She’s enjoying the attention. It’s a character flaw that she’s doing this, and it hurts the trust in the relationship. She needs to determine why external validation meets a need of hers. Is she insecure, or just she just like someone lusting over her. This will be an ongoing issue if you do not address it. You will eventually become paranoid, and completely untrusting of her since she’s cheating on you.
Did you tell her that you saw the messages?
^^ some interesting downtalk to a very young boy who’s feeling lost.
You said “i know it is over” so it seems like you have made up your mind, and think you could bring it up during a discussion about why you’re unhappy in this pairing. You also have been with her for your whole adolescence! 4 years might feel like a long time, but there if better love out there for you with someone who respects your feelings. Just tell her you went through her phone because you didn’t trust her and you were proven right. It hurts so you need to be alone and look for something else you can trust. (But really suggest spending some time alone! Date around, have fun, be safe but wow you’re so young!!)
Bro, you shouldnt even discuss it – what good can come of it? Just state that you are over because she is cheating. Dont explain any more. Don’t discuss, nothing. If she asks how you know, just say she needs to leave you alone, and that it’s over. Tell her you’ve boxed up her stuff she has left at yours and that she can collect it when she’s ready.
If you’re afraid to have the conversation, just leave. Don’t speak to her. Ignore her messages, or just text that you’re done.
Yes you should speak up.
However, if you speak up and don’t leave you’re still accepting it, and she’ll likely lie to you.
It seems like you have self esteem issues.
If you don’t do something about this the next person amy also take advantage of you, and you don’t want to be in a cycle that has you going from one bad partner to the next.
She’s an attention seeking typical girl, she told another guy she wanted to see his dick man, she has sent him snaps, get rid of this headache who has no self respect for you. She has no integrity or loyalty & has checked out & thinks you’re a doormat. Most guys have been there, do not let her manipulate you, this is the exact same as fucking the dude. She would in a heartbeat if he was there on a night out, you’ll live in a permanent state of anxiety & distress dealing with a woman like this. You will never trust a word she says & drive yourself insane constantly being suspicious. This will have a negative affect on your mental & physical health and even your looks over time. It’s not worth it no matter the connection, her immaturity and poor character are not worth your time
You need therapy to help work through why your self confidence is so low.
Schedule an appointment with a therapist, and end this current relationship.
This could be a component to the cheating in the first place mate. The fact that you lack confidence to do this means you lack confidence in everything else. Somewhere along the way she sensed/saw this in you and lost all respect.
Now’s your chance to show her that you can change, that you can be confident and stand up for yourself. End it , build yourself up again into a better man and move on.
Op, you know what she is. A liar and a cheater. If you can’t leave her., treat her as a fwb. Pull back emotionally and financially.
Start doing stuff to her that you would only do with a sex worker. That’s what she is. For the quo de gra ask her if she would ever want to do an MFM threesome. Then ask her if she has anyone in mind.
Do it up and then dump her!
You dont have a relationship. You are being played for a fool.
It sucks, but the only appropriate response is to walk away.
I know that seems scary. You’ve been together since you were a kid.
But you’ll be fine. You’ll be better than fine. Your life starts when you walk away.
Yeah, you should speak up simply because it’s bothering you.
What she’s basically doing to this other guy is prick-teasing him. Obviously, she gets a kick out of it. It flatters her.
Whether she’s ever going to shag him is another matter altogether. I don’t know.
The question is, have you figured out what your’re going to say to her?
If you think it’s over, there really isn’t much to be said.
It’s not great to go through your partners phone, but if you do find something, then the fault switches. Confront her. Say you looked, say you’re done. Say you’ve seen them so she can’t bs
Walk away now. When you are 30 and happily with a decent woman, you’ll laugh that you even considered staying- I mean it.
You have to leave or you won’t respect yourself.
Dude, you need to have self-respect. That’s like a basic requirement for a happy life. Nobody with any self-respect ever stays with a cheater.
You’re hurting yourself by staying with her.
Love yourself and cut it off.
Dude, you need to get some self-esteem and self-respect.
Bro… come on.
She’s a slag. You’re worth more than this…
Listen bro, you need to speak up for yourself. Tell her you’ve seen the messages and you know what she’s doing. Maybe they haven’t met physically but she is emotionally cheating on you. If you don’t speak up for yourself who is? I mean she’s only slightly entertaining him while he’s being super aggressive. As far as you can tell, she hasn’t sent him any nudes? I mean if you stop it now maybe you can continue this relationship as both of you are young and maybe she’ll learn her lesson, but you need to be vigilant if you stay in this relationship
Sorry mate you are door mat
Dude, this is embarrassing. I know it’s hard but you gotta do it.
I stayed with my ex after he cheated on me (once in a drunken incident that he admitted immediately after even though I probably never would have found out) and it ended up causing me a lot more pain later. it feels like you don’t have the strength but you do. it’s going to suck. but each day will suck a little less. it’s better than slowly chipping away your self worth for years and then ending it later.
Being single hurts less than being with someone that makes you feel like this now.
I was almost you back in 2017 and in 2020 with two different girls. I know how it feels. If I could go back in time, I would give myself a slap, grow a pair and get rid of them while salvaging some dignity. Of course, I thought it was the end of the world and I suffered like an animal. I thought it was all for and in the name of “LoVe”. Now I know it was all for nothing. I really hope you will see this through, but I fear people usually have to experience this first and grow and learn from it later
Okay so… ask yourself some big questions, I’ll give you some examples:
After what you’ve seen:
Would you trust that person to educate and teach morals to your future kids ?
Would you trust that person with big financial decisions ?
Would you legally marry that person and officially declare that 50% of your life fortune (cash, car, house, etc.) is theirs ?
Would you trust that person on making important decision on your life while unable yourself (falling in coma for example).
Would you trust that person with having your back on difficult situations ?
Would you rely on that person when unable to manage something ?
Those are just some examples and not every single one has to be answered “yes”, we are complex creatures with our own believes, but if you start asking yourself those really important questions that may or will happen down the line and you see that you answer “no” to most of them, I would advise you to reconsider if being long term with that person is something you really want.
Alright bro dudes like u are a lost cause staying with a girl who is cheating is crazy work and you haven’t even confronted her about either just pack it up and move on
Don’t get involved with someone that doesn’t respect you. She will destroy you.
You can just stay with her and let her have her fun or be a man about it and confront her. Your choice
It’s not impossible to move past cheating, but if you’re already so paranoid that you checked her phone so many times everyday, is there a point to keep holding on? You’re just gonna keep thinking she cheated even if she broke off contact with this guy in the future
Updateme!
Do you want to be nicknamed Count Cuckola? Because that’s what you deserve to be called if you don’t break up with her immediately.
Dump her immediately.
Give one simple message to her, informing her that it’s over because you’ve seen all of her messages to this other guy.
Then ghost/block her, and don’t ever reply to any of the excuses/gas lighting that she’ll include in her message.
Let that other guy have her dirty cheating arse.
You know that you need to end it, that’s why you’ve posted here. You have to have the strength to end it because no one has the strength to endure this day after day. It will destroy your mental heath. It’s not worth it. You don’t want to end it because you hope something will miraculously change. It won’t, especially since you won’t talk to her about it.
You need to speak up or end this, period.
At this point it’s over. It just isn’t official yet. You’re young you will get through this. You just need to take steps in that direction. She has broken the trust in the relationship and without it you have nothing. Grab your balls and just do it. Never be a doormat for anyone.
Leave mate, you’ll be okay. It feels like the end of the world I know, but staying will cause you more damage in the long run.