A little over a month ago I was trying to sleep but was kept up by the sound of my upstairs neighbor’s dog barking, whining, and scratching at a door. I have to get up super early for work, and the noise had been happening for about 6 hours straight with no stopping. This had happened just a few other times before, but they were shorter instances and I was able to ignore it. For some reason this night I was getting super frustrated and irritable at the noise as I was trying to sleep. I have never met these neighbors, don’t have their contact info and have no idea what they look like, so I’ve never had a face to face conversation about the noise.
At midnight I had had enough and went upstairs and knocked on the door for about 5 minutes and nobody was home. I went back to my apartment, wrote a note, and left it on the floor in front of their door.
Looking back I’m so embarrassed by the note and the way I phrased it, but I was so exhausted and angry I just reacted impulsively. It said something like: “Please shut your fucking dog up. Is it okay? This has been happening for weeks and I have to work early in the morning. Sincerely, your downstairs neighbors.”
I know, I completely incriminated myself by signing it from “your downstairs neighbors” and it was stupid as fuck to out myself like that, but I was seriously not using my brain at all this night. I guess I wanted to express how fed up I was? I tend to lose control when I’m angry and it’s a serious problem that I haven’t properly addressed.
The next day I remembered leaving the note and felt so much regret, I went upstairs and it was gone so I knew they had read it. I was hoping it would still be there so I could get rid of it.
I eventually got over the cringe from what I had done and proceeded as normal. However a few days ago, I ran into this neighbor in the stairwell as I was taking out the recycling, he noticed that I was exiting from the apartment below him and had grabbed the note and asked me about it. I said I had no idea who did this, and blamed it on potentially being from my roommate’s friend who had crashed at our place for a few weeks. The neighbor said okay, started going into how they were having a bad day that day, but then stopped, said “as long as it’s not you, nevermind”and left.
I feel awful about this. I’m worried about them going to the management company with a complaint but I haven’t heard anything yet. I don’t think the note could be seen as a threat but I’m worried it came off that way. I’ve thought about going up to apologize but I think I might just pretend it didn’t happen and push it back to the recesses of my brain.
Comments
Should’ve been truthful, maybe be more tactful with your words as the only way to solve this problem is proper communication like adults.
Why is he so mad about being called out. Typical dog owner behavior
Maybe next time you should have left a more professional note first, then complained to Management if it wasn’t resolved….
Tbh I wouldn’t go apologize your too far in already just leave it you’re overthinking it
Just smile and wave. What else can you do??
Of fucking course they’d start prattle on about their “bad day” dude stfu and take care of your dog. No excuse.
Complaint about what, you didnt do anything wrong
Just be the “my name is Bennet & I ain’t in it” guy.
Leave it in the past. Just move on, and if you run into him again, just greet him and start a neighbourly convo.. “this weather is delightful isn’t it”, “why did the elevator have to spontaneously explode, I hate using the stairs” etc.
Why would they report you if they are in violation of noise policy?
But also as a rule it is always best to be kind especially around people you see or interact with or know where you live…
At least he hasn’t left dog poop on your doorstep
Next time go to the manager of the apartment complex.
Honestly he had it coming. I did this once and I didn’t even out myself by saying which neighbor I was-they just knew! I think there must be a device that can record through a peephole. Anyway I leave a note and threaten management over their admittedly annoying small dog that was barking for hours.
I hear them come home and then immediately knock on my door. I don’t answer because I’m embarrassed. Then I hear him slide a note under the door. O god I am dreading it. I open it and feel terrible because it’s the nicest most apologetic note ever and his parents are in town so they’re keeping the dog since they’re in a hotel. He tells me to have a good day and they’ll never let it happen again. I feel awful so I left them a Starbucks giftcard and a note saying ‘sorry I was a Karen’ and to not worry about the dog and have a good weekend with parents. I ran into him in the hallway and he thanked me for the card. I said I was sorry again he said no worries lol it was awkward but seems okay now
I mean you have every right to say something. In the middle of the night people should be keeping their house quiet.
Next time just be like dude I was losing my shit and left a rude note. Please keep your dog quiet.
Management can’t do anything because you left a rude note. They can however do something over a tenant continuing to have someone getting noise complaints in the middle of the night….
You’re the one who holds the cards here.. as long as you act a bit more…. Ya know….. Or less maybe….. I’ll just leave it at that
the dog started this
Could’ve left the cursing out but nice enough. I always just go over people’s heads and jump straight to calling management to not get myself involved.
That’s not always the best though, my boyfriends down stairs neighbors smoked a lot of weed and our apartment smelled terrible and I wanted to immediately tell management to get them to stop. But his roommate said not to and went down stairs to talk to them and now we haven’t really had any issues.
I’d go either talk in person or go to management. If you said it wasn’t you and only a temporary resident had a problem they don’t have a reason to fix it now.
Blame it on your evil twin.
I’m curious what was the passive part of that passive-aggresive note?
Why did you lie to him. His dog is clearly a problem for you and likely other neighbors. You could have explained what you stated here and it may have gone over ok. Now, his comment “as long as it wasn’t you” seems to imply he doesn’t believe you.
As for reporting, I doubt you have anything to worry about. There was nothing threatening based on what you state here. It’s just rude, but likely deserved. If anything you can report him for his dog being a nuisance to the neighbors.
That wasn’t passive aggressive. It was direct.
Why haven’t you said anything to management…
I’m confused. Embarrassed for what? The note was absolutely fine really and pretty tame for what most people would say for how often it’s happening….. Your neighbor is an asshole and if a note about their neglected dog tipped off their “already bad day”….. of course he’s such a victim to your note 🤮
Not to be rude but get a backbone and own that note. You’re gonna be pissed again when you can’t sleep and hear barking all night.
Dog barks are at a frequency HZ that causes humans anxiety,high blood pressure and a ton of other issues. They were originally bred for alarms and protection. You are NOT supposed to be hearing a dog barking ever unless there’s actual danger somewhere or they’re alerting someone of a potential threat…. Somewhere along the lines owners started thinking behavioral training was some optional decision instead of knowing it’s literally mandatory if you’re going to own a dog in society. It doesn’t matter the breed,age or size.. ALL dogs need behavioral training. If you’re not training your dog-you need to live off grid away from civilization lol
Did he take care of the fucking dog? 🙂
I would have admitted it was me and apologized. I would have explained that it happens often enough to disrupt your sleep and when you wrote it you were pretty stressed and upset. Since you opted out of taking onus for the note, leave things as they are. Hopefully, even if he was offended, he’ll be more conscientious of his dogs incessant barking and whining. Should it happen again, YOU go to the rental office and report them. They’ll likely receive a warning and if you complain enough (or others do too), the leasing office can opt out of renewing their lease. People need to understand that community living means common courtesy. If you’re a slob, everyone gets roaches. If you’re noisy, everyone suffers too. If you can’t live in an apartment community like a civilized human being, save up a down payment and get a single family home. Bottom line: don’t beat yourself up. You had a moment of frustration and reacted. The only message your neighbor should walk away with is he needs to quiet his dog. Whomever and however that message was conveyed matters far less than the message itself.
Yes, pretend it didn’t happen and move on. Don’t worry about them going to the management company, they’re not going to go and confess that their dog was keeping the neighbors awake during quiet hours in the middle of the night. You’ve already learned your lesson… next time a neighbor frustrates you, you’ll keep the F bombs to yourself and you’ll handle it in a more mature way. Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break and just let it go.
Lol is “please shut your fucking dog up, is it okay?” really considered passive aggressive anymore? I could see the “is it okay?” being a little but everything else was just full on aggression lmao. I would forget about this though, you guys “talked” about it no need to stress it unless your neighbor is just petty, but cross that bridge if you ever get to it. I don’t see any way this could be taken as a threat.
Is this AI? This feels like AI. I was cringing reading it thinking it felt like a 90s sitcom/romcom, fucking just the most asinine internal conflict possible.
On the limited chance this isn’t AI, holy shit OP, relax. You told a lie to avoid confrontation. We get it. Confrontation can be scary, and even dangerous sometimes. The best way to avoid it is certain to be being passive aggressive and leaving self implicating notes about your feelings laying around.
For real, you ruined the guys day with your note, and then lied about it, if you apologize now he might beat you up, and even if not you’ve made an enemy for life now if you admit it was you after lying.
Only in the TV and movies does coming clean ever magically make everyon happy again.
You told the truth. Stand in your conviction. He needed to know.
r be brave and say it was you the dog woke you up and you had to get up early for work if you arent nasty he might listen try talking first then report to your city council whoever controls dogs in your local area cause if he wont listen then he will listen to them
Honestly most apartments have a clause about “quiet time” and midnight is usually far after quiet time. They are to blame. I have a dog and she likes to bark. However, I refuse to be that neighbor so her first bark is always met with my partner and I shushing her till she shuts up. He is rude. Ur fine.
Why are they leaving their dog trapped in a room/house for hours at a time? If it keeps happening, I’d call animal control on top of management. Poor doggo and poor you!
Who gives a shit. I have stood in front of a neighbors door and waited for the assholes to look at me in disbelief that I am there and have said, “shut the fuck up and close your fucking door! I have to be at work in a couple of hours.” Was I reported? Of course I was, did the landlord at the time talk to me about it? Of course he did. Did I deny it? Hell no! Resolution was landlord told them to stay in their own lane and quiet down because he didn’t want problems for himself or for them. He pretty much said…she minds her own business as long as you mind yours, so I recommend you stay out of sight. I don’t hide behind what I do. I own up to it. I’ve left a letter before too and that’s only because the neighbor wasn’t there. They read the note and said…did you write this? I look them in the eye and say yes, I did. At work when I have had to file a complaint against my own boss they have asked if I want it to be anonymous. I say, no I don’t. I even spell out my name for them. I want people that cause me a headache to know I am calling them out. Then can come at me if they want because I’m not one that squirms during confrontation. Grow a pair! Damn!!!
They were “having a bad day” so it was acceptable for their dog to be left to whine, cry & scratch upstairs for 6+hrs?
This is a serious problem. You need to start documenting and, yes, recording.
Don’t write notes that your manhood can’t cash
That was one of the times a lie is best
look, we’ve all had an “unhinged note at midnight” moment… u just got caught.
Hate to say it, but sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Don’t hate yourself too much. I get pretty upset when I haven’t gotten enough.
I mean, I’ve left notes for apartment neighbors in the past. Honestly, it usually works in my experience. I don’t see how you did anything wrong. People need sleep.
Bro. Say that shit with your chest. “Yeah that was me. Take care of your dog instead of neglecting them throughout the night” and then go back into your apartment.
They’re lucky YOU didn’t go to the management company about their dog being a constant annoyance and instead tried to directly address them by knocking and then identifying that it was you who wrote the note by signing it. IMO that’s the least cowardly and most honest way to do it. Sure your communication wasn’t perfect, but now you have the chance to own up to it, stand behind what you said, and apologize about exactly how it was phrased. I really wouldn’t feel at fault for this. You were upset for a reason and just because you didn’t handle it with 100% grace doesn’t mean you were 100% wrong. Don’t let things escalate until you explode, try to address them openly and honestly as they occur and give yourself some grace for what happened!
Seriously though both are he did what anyone would do and confront the person and you did what u thought was right for you health and sleep 😴 but he shouldn’t be acting tuff and you shouldn’t be getting aggressive unless you can back it up for real the outcome could have been better but remember too sometimes when you leave, I’ll get separation anxiety or whatever different types of reasons what are you gonna do put a muzzle on your dog when you go out and no, it’s not inhumane to leave your dog at home for a while what are you trying to tell me no one in this chat room ever has to go to work seriously just remember he intentionally didn’t do it. Maybe he’s working on training. His dog never know next time just approach him like he approached you, but in calmly manner, you guys could’ve probably had stuff out and I could’ve figured out why his dog was barking and what he could do to make it betterthe fuck trying to call somebody about his dog man. Obviously, none of you guys are dog owners if you can’t sit there and go to work for eight hours I guess you guys all sit at home stroking yourselves all day. Don’t gotta worry about that type of stuff.
lol
Tell me you don’t live in a city without telling me you don’t live in a city.
It’s not rude. The fact that you told him to stop without sayinf you would fuck him up means you are a good person. More happens for less in cities. If you ARE a city dweller, you have amazing patience.
Okay…I haven’t read any of the replies yet, but I will say that you meant it when you wrote it, so man up and own it. Explain that you’re sorry if you came off as angry or an a**hole, but the dog has been keeping you (and plenty of other neighbors) awake and annoyed. Yes, maybe you should have handled it differently, but it is what it what it is. You just wanted to bring it to their attention in case they did not realize.
Seriously, though….if you said it, you meant it. Don’t back down now, it’ll just be harder to handle later if you don’t address it now. Good luck, kiddo.
So did he say what was up with the dog? I would have absolutely mentioned you heard the dog for hours
Wow, missed a opportunity there. Yes, I wrote it in the heat of the moment and went too far after many sleepless nights. I apologize for not talking to you directly or leaving my name and contact info. What can we do to resolve this?
I agree with a lot of people here, that guy letting his dog do that for so long was the problem. Treating his dog like that was the problem. And a note that they received AFTER midnight with a little cursing? Nah. Thats on them. Also, I guess you can be honest, like others are saying, but like… why. Who cares. You’re not trying to be their friend. I feel your embarrassment, I really do, I think this would haunt me forever, but. Oh well. And “oh I had a bad day” blah blah blah… no dude. Even if OP wasn’t the one who left the note, now you know that everyone can hear your dog barking. Take some responsibility. Apologize for the noise, stop worrying about who left the note. (Okay, continuity error, I’m telling the neighbor to take responsibility for their dog, and letting OP off the hook for the note, but I stand by this.)
In my opinion, denying it and blaming others was counterproductive. Like saying, “Hey, your dog barking doesn’t bother me at all.” You have cornered yourself.
Better to apologize for the tone of the note and and if there’s a way to keep the dog quiet. I feel very very sad about apartment dogs. Dogs don’t belong in apartments.
Finally, what are your apartment’s bylaws or rules regarding noisy dogs?
Ha I laughed just reading the title. Op finds out not everyone is passive aggressive shocker!
The way things are going just deny everything
That not was not passive aggressive btw, it was just straight up aggressive
Ahhh the ole avoid the cringe so imma make it worse anxiety cycle. You’ll have at least three therapy sessions worth of shame to discuss.
Glad you’re not my neighbor!
I feel sorry for the poor dog:(
1st of all do not feel bad at all! Especially if the dog did shut up.
I’m mixed not admitting it was you as he could start harassing you more with the dog.
Yeah, I would of looked at the note and said, “looks like my handwriting but I have been rather sleep deprived because of a dog keeping me up for hours on end.. was it your dog that was so neglected? seem like he had a major problem that night” but then again I’m a rather large dude. You would have to be a giant or hold a hand gun to intimidate me..oh well. No anxiety here, lol.
Don’t sweat it
What did you expect?
You didn’t say anything that offensive tbf. There are worse things to write. Plus now that it’s mostly off your head you should leave it at that.
Did the dog stop barking after that?
He won’t take it to management bc he’d be outing himself and they won’t like that it’s disturbing other tenants.