When I (21F) started my first job in 2021, I made an effort to send half of every paycheck to my savings account. I did this for 2 years and had accumulated around 20 grand. I was really proud of myself as I wasn’t making much but I was keeping up with any payments I had to make (mostly credit cards) and still I was able to put some money away for the future. I was planning on using the money for college or possibly a car but some really bad stuff happened in late 2022-2023. To make a long story short, my dad (55M) was the sole breadwinner for my 4 member household and things started piling up so much to the point that my dad nearly filed for bankrupcy. He was really irresponsible in his younger years and got himself into really bad credit card debt and has been paying for it or his whole life.
Anyway, since I was now bringing in some money, I wanted to help him with bills. I feel like when I did this, I sort of opened a flood gate. It started with a few hundred dollars every now and again, but it turned into thousands pretty much every month and now I only have about 2k left of the origianal 20k. He still has yet to pay any of it back.
I haven’t been putting half of my paycheck into saving anymore, as I know that if I do then my dad will just see it as more money for him to use for the family’s bills. I also am not able to put aside as much because I have to pay him $600 in rent every month (I’m grateful for how reasonable the rent is, not complaining just mentioning it.)
He has been getting on me recently about getting my drivers license and getting a car because he doesn’t want me to have to rely on family members for rides anymore, but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford a car without the money I had put aside without going into severe credit card debt. I want to bring it up all the time, but it’s a very sore subject and I don’t want him to feel bad for asking for help. I just want him to start paying me back. When I brought it up to my mom, she was shocked at how much he had borrowed from me and that really worried me. It’s just so worrying and it makes me feel so guilty whenever I consider talking to him about it, and something happened with my bank that made it so I’m not even able to view my savings account anymore so he’s the only one with access to it. I want to yell.
Anyway, thank you for reading.
Comments
Your dad is an asshole. Go open up a saving account he doesn’t have access to. 600 a month in rent should be all your paying. His piss poor life decisions are not your problem. My kids are almost your age, paying rent yes, understandable. Them paying my bills, hell no they are my problem. I would get another job first.
It’s funny he doesn’t want to have you rely on family for rides yet he rely on you to stay afloat economically even though it affects your future very negatively.
Just say you don’t want him to rely on you nest time he begs for cash, stop send him money and focus on you.
Why does anyone except you have access to your bank account?! You need to go to your bank, withdraw your money, and set up a new bank account (preferably at a different bank). You are 21, there is zero reason for him or anyone else to be controlling or viewing your account. You do not owe him any more money and do not feel bad about his financial situation that he put himself into. After you change your account, do not give him or anyone else any type of access.
You’ve learned something from this.
What your dad is doing is incredibly wrong. I was in a similar situation with my step-dad. Plain and simple, he’s taking advantage of the fact he has access to your money. The only way to get it to stop is to set hard boundaries. For me, that boundary was opening my own bank account not connected to my parents.