A while ago, early this year, I met a person online. And I kinda fell for her. But she wouldn’t stop talking about physical intimacy and her knks sometimes but when we do talk about more intellectual conversations, she was an intriguing woman to talk to. She’s well educated and genuinely smart. But whenever I sound my opinion to her that physical intimacy isn’t everything in a relationship, she just scold me and told me I don’t know what I’m talking about or that I’m calling her a whre.
She was diagnosed with bpd. And she sometimes go out on an outburst against me out of the blue due to stress or something happened to her. But at the time, I just told her to let her release her stress and frustration onto me. And honestly, overtime, she did get better. Enough to convince me she’s doing better. And till one point, I asked her out on a date at an Airbnb. I made the plan because at the time, she seems adamant on how important physical intimacy is to her, and not just that, also offered to cook her dinner and bought her, her favourite pop-figurine collection.
But then I can tell she got cold feet about it and lied about having a period. So I told her that she can come over still and have dinner and I wouldn’t touch her physically. Promised her I wouldn’t touch her if that’ll make her feel better.
So she came to the Airbnb, I made her dinner and we opened her pop figurine. She got the one she was looking for. She was so happy. To the point where she just laid on top of me and told me to hold her. I asked her if she’s sure about it since she’s having her period and I thought she wasn’t comfortable with me holding her physically, and she just told me to shut up. Telling me that she says a lot of “stupid sh*t”.
I then asked her if she think two memers can date. To which she only replied to me with a kiss. One thing led to another and we got intimate. But in a way, I can tell there’s something wrong. Because even when I told her to stop, she wouldn’t. And when she did stop, her eyes filled with regret. And I didn’t know what to do. She took a shower and told me she wanted to go home. I tried arguing, wanting to know what’s wrong but she wouldn’t answer. So I just suggested that she let me drive her to the train station. At least. As a courtesy. To which she agreed to my offer. And the day after she just told me how much she felt disgusted with herself. Because she led me onto that. And she also blamed me because I didn’t do anything to stop her. And I also led her on. That it was my plan to seduce her to begin with and only used her for her body. I only replied that I was sorry I made her feel that way and wish for us to talk it out. But if she doesn’t want to, I’ll be fine with it. And she chooses to accept that we shou cut contacts…
2 months after that day, we repeatedly texted each other. Me to her when I felt bad about what happened or when she left me concerning messages. Or her calling and messaging me whenever she’s going through a breakdown. She might not know this but a part of me was still in love with her. And I didn’t want her to go through it alone. And I know she doesn’t have many people to talk to about her problems and her mental health. So I kept on trying to comfort her. She eventually got back with her toxic ex and things kept getting worse. She’d even send me photos of her cutting herself. And tbh, this isn’t helping me mentally as well. As I was suffering from severe depression and had a lot of abandonment issues. And I was worried she was going to KHS eventually so kept on trying to comfort her even tho she had a bf already and there will never be anything between us. Because of this, I allowed her to think that what happened between us, it was my fault. Because she has a lot on her plate. And she took it to the point where she thinks I r*pe her and I lured her into the airbnb just to have my way with her. I honestly see how this is messed up that I allowed her to think such things but in my head at the time, she was going through a lot. And taking the blame for something I didn’t do was a way to help her manage other problems.
We still called from time to time whenever she has a breakdown. But eventually, she finds out I was seeing another girl. And she just made a public post online that I s*xually assaulted her. Telling everyone that I forced her into doing things that we didn’t even do.
Everyone turned on me. Didn’t even bother asking me of my side of the story. My close friends did reach out to me. Asking me, to which I just showed the ones I trusted our conversations. But they eventually either distance themselves away from me or scold me for not telling everyone she’s lying. Some told me that I’m the reason why a lot of men go to prison for things they didn’t do. But… I’m afraid to tell everyone the truth. Because the truth is, she’s borderline s*icidal now. And calling her crazy might just be what pushes her over the edge. And as I’m speaking right now, she has been inactive for more than a week now. I’m worried if she actually had done it. She’s not answering my calls, texts and she doesn’t even wanna talk to anyone.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what is the right decision here. I messed up badly. I don’t care what happens to me, but I don’t want people to suffer for my mistakes.
Comments
I GET ITS A COMPLICATED SITUATION BUT DUDE, YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST, THIS IS
THIS IS LITERALLY SETTING YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP SOMEONE WARM
I married someone with BPD. It’s absolutely horrible. She will make you feel like you are the asshole or crazy. You can’t give in to whatever she wants because of suicide threats. It is her responsibility to regulate her emotions, not yours
Let her hurt herself. Die, even. That’s some crazy sicko vermin lady.
Damn bro, you fucked… Why did u even invite her at the first place and why did u do it while she had her periods? did u think you wouldnt have any other chance to become intimate with her and used that chance? at the end, its a you problem…
i recommend to talk it out with her, if she loves you and you love her, then yoj guys should come together… other than that idk
She wanted sex the whole time. You told her to stop when things were getting steamy and it hurt her ego then once you got a girlfriend and it hurt her ego even more although she went back with her ex which means she’s a nympho to put it mildly and also likes to manipulate men by pretending to be suicidal. Sounds like she felt insecure that you said no instead of her so she decided to lie and accuse you of SA. Chick’s a real piece of work. You need to set the record straight because unstable chicks like that will try and put a man in prison just to feel better about themselves. She got rejected and she’s bitter about it.
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Put yourself first dude, that’s all there is about this
Soldier, you need to call in an Evac im-fucking-mediately. No ifs or buts, gather all physical proof of what she’s doing and defend your castle. You need to report her self harm to the police and ideally have them take a statement on her accusations. This is not a joke, this is not you being a good guy by ‘protecting’ anybody. Anyone saying just let her die I think is trying to say this is not your mission. By not reporting all of this you risk yourself and you liberty and her and her health. If you want to do the right thing, it’s the hard thing you have to do.
Do not surrender. Good luck.
Im gonna sound cold but let her hurt herself or whatever, if she dies she dies its not your fault, youre not forcing her to hurt herself and shes spreading life ruining allegations about you. You need to clear this up right now
Dude, I appreciate your empathy towards this woman, but this is not the solution to the problem. If you let her spread lies firstly she’ll make your life miserable and secondly she may start doing it to other people. She’s not crzy, but she needs professional advice and help. Before helping other people, you first need to take care of yourself. Remember these accusations can be used in cort too. Please just think about your mental health too.
I was in a five year relationship with someone who had an array of similar personality disorders. In the beginning she wasn’t medicated and didn’t do therapy and that time was absolutely abusive. She took responsibility and did everything she could to get better and it worked. We had a really good relationship later on. I say all this to make clear that I’m absolutely not saying that no one with a personality disorder deserves a loving relationship and support.
But in this case you got to protect yourself and you can’t think about her well-being. What she did is really really bad. And I’m pretty sure she isn’t even doing it intentionally. In cases like this it’s pretty likely that her memory of that night changed to protect her feelings. My ex would forget the specifics of emotionally stressful situations within about half an hour and often needed to ask what exactly she said or did.
Share the evidence that you didn’t force yourself on her. That’s a terrible accusation that can ruin your life for a long time. It is her behavior that has caused this situation for her and while having a disorder isn’t her fault it is her responsibility to make sure she doesn’t hurt anyone. What she’s doing now is most definitely hurting you and you need to defend yourself even if it doesn’t feel good.
Tolerating too much abuse like this will stick with you for the rest of your life and will affect how you approach every future. It is important that you learn that it’s okay to defend yourself.