growing up, i had really bad depression and battled with suicide especially when covid hit (2020) Like all teenagers, I found my way to Discord. I struggled with a lot of social interactions, couldn’t make friends IRL, etc. However, on Discord, I found that I could really just be anybody with no problem at all. Throughout 2020-2021, I was faceless & all i did was lie about my age and whatnot. I felt good about it, I never had to face any actual consequences. I could just remove an account and never have to worry about it again.
The start of 2022, I started to not be faceless. I began showing my face around, while continuing my lies. I really lacked things a normal person would, along with struggling with attention at home. I met someone named Niko, who had been Autistic and non-verbal. Niko used emojis to communicate with us. Everyone thought it was super cool, but I was jealous. All the attention everyone gave to me was now given to Niko. I deleted the account, started fresh, only to start lying about disorders I didnt have. I told people I was nonverbal and communicated with Emojis. It lasted up until late 2023. I was in long relationships with people under the impression that i was disabled in some way and that I was older than what i was. I lied so much, even going as far as faking doctor appoints and speech therapy until i could “talk full sentences.” I stopped it all when i ended that relationship late 2023. I started my freshman year in late 2023, i started getting better in 2024. While i still had ups and downs, none of it had to do with faking disorders. I was actually happy. Later in 2024, I texted my ex-partner. I told him about me lying about my age and apologizing for being an awful partner to him. To which he had his friend text me asking if i faked my disorders and disabilities. I told him no, i had lied again. I have so much guilt and shame that it really terrifies me to tell people. I have hurt these people in many ways than i cant explain simply because I was hurting. I dont know how to tell people that their entire image of me is a lie and it weighs so heavy on me everyday. I feel so sorry for all the people ive wronged. I dont know how to repay them.
Im 16 now (2025) ive grown and matured. However, im so scared to move on with my life, or having any types of social media platform because of this. I told want to ruin the thing ive built now because of something i did in the past to deal with my own issues. I dont know if i can ever do anything about this. Eventually ill be publicly outed, all im doing is preparing for it.
Comments
You sound very intelligent. People manipulate their environments to get their needs met. You are a kid that lied to get his needs met during a terrible pandemic. Just go forward and stop lying. If anyone asks pointed questions about your past, just tell them you’re better now but really don’t want to talk about it. That’s not a lie. Good luck
What you are doing can lead you to getting into trouble. You could get into acting and put your time and creativity into something you can get paid to do. Or maybe you can be a writer. There are jobs where you get to lie and be other people and you can get paid for it.