my first year of college i met my now best friend, im not sure how it got brought up but we were talking about body counts and asked me about mine, i panicked and said 1. that was a lie, i was a virgin and like a super virgin at that, never kissed a guy, never held hands, i had only ever been on one date with a coworker and that was it.
As the semester progressed sex would get brought up with my friends and roommates or they would make jokes about certain sex acts and i would play along and continued to lie through my teeth. I watched porn, not to get off but for research. I read through every sex tips article i could find. I also determined i needed to lose my virginity so it wouldn’t be a lie anymore.
second semester, i downloaded tinder and ended up going to this guys house at midnight, when he opened the door he was shorter than me im 5’2 (no hate to short guys, but his profile said 5’10), he had to sneak me in because his parents were asleep (he told me he lived alone). we hooked up and it was awkward and uncomfortable for me. i was internally panicking the whole time and just trying to pretend like i knew what to do. afterwards he told me i needed to leave because it was late and he wanted me to leave before his parents woke up (he had told me i could spend the night).
i felt awful i didn’t want my first time to be like that. i cried in my car for so long, i wanted to talk to someone but I couldn’t.
i’ve gone on to have better experiences but i still regret lying about it and pressuring myself to lose it. I realize now that my friends wouldn’t have cared if i had just been honest.
TL;DR don’t lie about being or not being a virgin. you care more about it than anyone else. and if your friends do care about it they’re weird.
Comments
That is really sad. Terrible experience for your first time.