For some context, I’m 30F, have an abusive husband, 36M and his mother is kind of abusive towards me too.
He again hit me saying he was defending himself when he felt violated because I accidentally almost touched his belly button. This time I have visible scratches on my left hand that this left and since his parents didn’t bother, I just cried the night and slept off.
I have this huge event coming at work, and we’re anticipating the launch of a product I designed. It’s been chaotic but, I am extremely excited as this now means over 100K devs all around the world will be using it. Career-wise it’s my biggest break and hopefully financially I attract better opportunities and a raise here. I cannot let this man overshadow my efforts and bring me down so I tried to keep it at the back of my mind.
I also am a 2X cancer survivor but lately I see signs of relapse. For me, I know recovering from this relapse is going to be next to impossible because for the last 5 years my body has been through a lot with intense chemo, surgeries, and everything else in between.
Nothing felt good after work yesterday so I went to this place I used to go at my first job, where we would save the money up for 6 months and get ourselves a nice meal here. Luckily they were open and I ordered my favorite meal – barbecue pork ribs and butter rice. Not important!
The whole meal, I knew I didn’t want to go back home, where I was never celebrated, my accomplishments were always overshadowed by some nonsense my mother-in-law or husband were going through and I didn’t want to see their face after taking that beating. I recently paid off credit card debt and had full access to the entire credit line. I thought maybe I’ll just book a hotel room and stay there for the night.
I saw a good 4 star hotel was at only twice the cost of the meal I just had for the night so without hesitation, I just booked the room. I bought a charger really quickly since I ran out of the house earlier that evening before everyone came home, and didn’t have anything on me, including my inhaler and other medications. I luckily had a photo of my prescriptions and I was able to get all my medicines as well.
I have never traveled, nor been on a honeymoon, so, a hotel stay like this was so amazing for me! It had the coziest bed, and somehow the bed felt warmer sleeping in alone, I cannot explain it!
Growing up, we had a bathtub in our house which is kind of rare in India in a two or three tier town. So, yesterday, for the first time since I was 8, I was able to draw a bath and I kid you not, I did this 3 times in total for the duration of my stay.
I also never drink since my liver is swollen from years of chemo. I put caution to the wind, they had a wine bottle at 50% off on the booking, and I had it all in one night!
I am in tears as I write all of this because this is the first time in years I’ve felt freedom, done something selfish like this only for me. I felt so much at peace knowing all my hard work is for me to reap rewards, not for leaches to leech off of me.
I still am working on my exit plan. I am in touch with a divorce lawyer who I am consulting with, and he’s doing it free of cost as of now and once I am stable enough, will start charging me.
Thank you to so many people who supported me and gave me the courage to make my exit plan. I really appreciate you guys.
Comments
Sending you the best of luck.
More power to you 💪. You will do this, you will be free.
Good luck OP and especially good health!
If you do not have any kids or anything that you care about there, run like the wind.
Good luck with your exit plan. Hope you can get away quickly.
This is so heartbreaking but also, incredibly inspiring. You sound like a wonderful, intelligent and successful individual and I wish you the best of luck in all you do in the future. It sounds like you are absolutely making the best decision for yourself.
For what it’s worth, my previous relationship wasn’t in any way abusive, but I knew it wasn’t salvageable when I used to dread going home from work.
You are stronger than you know- hugs to you !!!
You got this
((HUGS))
Your husband is supposed to love and protect you, not abuse you nor allow anyone else to do so. He’s a child, not worthy of the title of man, leave him and enjoy your accomplishments, he’s probably jealous of your achievements as well as his mommy.
Sending you luck and confidence from California!
I wish the wind at your back, swift and safe escape, and health and abundance in your future freedom.
Updateme
I wish you success. Learn to grey rock.
Sending you love, peace, joy and success.
Girl, get out.
And read this.
https://archive.org/details/whydoeshedothati00banc_0
Good luck OP!! Be safe and either have some friends or someone you could feel safe with when you break the news of divorce. Abusive partners are scary and unpredictable.
Keep your head up
Good luck op, more power to you, click pictures of bruises if possible as evidence and forward them to divorce lawyer and remove his name from your bank account . And be safe
This isn’t selfish – it’s self care.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a shit time. Just keep hope that soon this is going to be the norm for your life!
You got this. I hope you are killing it at your job.
Wishing you all the best of life precious one.May your life be blessed with joy, love, great fortune and health and healing 🫶🪷🍀🌞 Stay strong, you can do it 💖⭐
I hope life takes you on a happier path soon
Please leave them. You deserve better.
Stay safe! I hope everything goes well and you can escape and be free!
That is amazing and you deserve every second of freedom. Keep on keepin on ♥️
Our bodies actually do lose heat due to the stress/adrenaline when we’re in a stressful/traumatic environment. So, you felt warmer in an empty bed, because you finally felt safe.
Congratulations on your promotion, and good luck escaping these monsters
With a successful project like that, you should see if you can get a job in another country. Move far beyond their reach, and live your best life.
Sending luck you got this !!
Sorry to hear about the sickness.
Glad to hear about the work and the lovely bed.
I think you must go on an alkali diet. It should help get rid of the cancer.
When you do leave (yay you, truly!), rat him out to his relatives and if you haven’t already, the police.
Go you!! So happy you found a small slice of heaven. Hope your product takes off too 😁
I am so glad you are choosing you.
Life is much too short to waste it on toxic ppl.
You are a rockstar.
Congratulations on your career achievement!
And you’ve beaten cancer, twice!
I think you’re going to do just fine in this upcoming fight, especially since you’re cutting all the toxic ppl from your life.
This internet stranger is really proud of you
CONGRATULATIONS! I’ve been in an incredibly healthy and fulfilling marriage for 13 years. But before that, my longest relationship was 10 months. Because I learned that I am so so so much happier single and alone, than in a bad relationship. I’m excited for your next chapter!
Proud of you for taking this step- you deserve a life free from violence.
If you haven’t already, I would suggest reaching out to a domestic violence shelter or crisis line.
They can help you do safety planning and may have access to further supports.
Congratulations on the launch of your new product! 🍾🥂You deserve to pamper yourself and avoid abuse. The few days at the hotel sounds like they were badly needed.
Are you leaning towards a divorce? Are you able to turn to your family if needed in the future? Try not to let husband & MIL steal your thunder. Best wishes to you. 😊
Rates of cancer are higher in women, the theory is that woman are socialized to shove down their feelings instead of lashing out with their anger, etc. it is all internalized.
There is a reason you have had cancer. Three times. Their abuse is killing you.
I couldn’t help but notice that you refer a lot to the cost of things in your post… this makes me think that your horrible excuse of a husband is a tight ass wanker who doesn’t like you spending money OR tries to control your money! Please make sure that he and his vile parents can’t get at your money both now & in the future….
Congratulations on your work achievements lovely lady!! Please stay safe from both your husband and his family. Also get yourself checked out in regards to your health & the cancer stuff. Take care and be happy! — you deserve it! 😊
Wishing you luck on moving forward with your exit plan. Don’t speak a word of this to him. Open a new acct if necessary to save money. Get $25 or $50 cash back every time you go to the grocery, in an amount that won’t be noticeable. Wishing you the best! Hugs, friend.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!
Good for you for realizing you’re worth it and making yourself the priority! I know it can be hard, and I’m glad you were also in the financial situation to do it.
Wishing you the best of luck with everything!
OP, all the best. Be true to yourself. Live your best life. Evaluate who supports you and is worthy of you. I think you already know the answer. All the best.
I remember your previous post about your abusive husband and in-laws. However you can, please please find a way to leave and never look back.
Good luck. Glad your leaving. You deserve so much more in life . Keep us updated
The best of luck on the next chapter of your life! You deserve better!
I think this kind of thing is going to start happening more and more because:
The new generation is teaching men it’s okay to hit women because of "equality." As if because women can have bank accounts and jobs now it also makes them of equal strength and size. A man can kill a woman with one good hit. But apparently that no longer matters. We will see more and more abuse towards women because the men that want to do it will just use the excuse it was "self defense."
OP…I’m glad you have an exit plan. You definitely need to get away from this trashy man. Honestly any man that hits a woman is trash IMO. I’m so glad you had one good relaxing night away. I hope that doesn’t have any repercussions. Your husband won’t ask about it? Will you be safe?
Anyway, I fear for the future women out there.
Good luck, good health and stay strong 💪!
Talk to work and see if you can transfer out of state or to a different country. Get the hell out then have your lawyer serve the divorce papers.
If you end up staying in the area do not agree to meet your husband anywhere but a public place with a strong security presence, once the papers have been served.
Very best of luck to you! You are very brave
any man who strikes a woman is a coward, kick that mker to the curb asap
Good luck OP, hope you’re free soon
He must protect the bellybutton at all costs, for it is where he keeps his precious life-force: lint.
So sorry you have to go through that. Glad you’re taking action. Just thread carefully to avoid further abuse and best of luck to you.
If it weren’t illegal, a bunch of nearby Redditors should gather and go teach your husband a lesson.
Keep yourself safe!
Sending you love, and lots of bubble baths in the future. They always make me feel better.
You are amazing! Please don’t ever stop celebrating yourself! You deserve it!
Love and light OP! I hope you find happiness and health
Any man that hits a woman is not a man leave this situation
I wish you happiness and a long healthy, contented life filled with many moments of joy. And most of all congratulations on being courageous enough to put yourself first, good on you.
stay strong…you are being so brave…💕
I’m really proud of you. What a badass and congrats on all of your success!
I am very impressed with you and what you have accomplished. You are amazing.
You are forging your own future. Soon every day will be as beautiful as this one! Lots of love sis, I’m proud of you ❤️
I am proud of you, OP! For your career accomplishments, and your health battles. Leave that man in the dust, so that every night for you can be this.