To preface, my mother and I (F22) have a very… disgruntled relationship. We have never been very close and I’m her personal “punching bag” as someone once said.
The other day I came back home from work (I work salaried, full-time, and hybrid) and made a comment about how I was excited and relieved I could sleep in and relax a bit because I was working remote the following day or so.
My mom made a snarky remark, “wait until you get into the real-world” and “your generation is so privileged”. All over a comment I had made about working from home.
I told her that I am in fact living in the real-world, at a real job, making a decent living, and paying my bills/expenses. I expressed that it’s insulting that she doesn’t view what I do to be “real work” or that I have a “real job” and making comments about the “real-world” makes her sound out-of-touch with reality.
I also told her it’s very clear she spites me for having a flexible job and have the ability to work remotely.
There’s been times she’s been allowed to work from home (like illness and a recent surgery she had) and I told her that every time I’ve witnessed her work from home, she barely does anything. She usually cleans the house or watches TV all day. Maybe answers a phone call or two.
She began lashing out saying that I was out of line for insulting her and her work ethic. I told her it doesn’t feel nice, and that she just did the same thing to me and expected me to just “take it”. She did the usual “I’ll kick you out of the house if you don’t shut up” thing. (She’s been threatening to do this for years now, even when I was under 18)
I don’t think defending myself is worthy of being kicked out of the house. AITHA?
Comments
If you have a grown up salaried job and are paying your own bills why are living in her home at her expense?
Yea her comment was out of touch but there’s a really easy solution here
Maybe you should just get out of the house, as you two clearly can’t stand each other
Did she really condition you to feel like you’re the asshole here?
NTA. It’s not ‘out of line’ to defend yourself against constant disrespect and unfair criticism especially from someone who’s supposed to support you. Your mom’s remarks about your job and generation are dismissive and hurtful. Threatening to kick you out just because you stood up for yourself is emotional manipulation, not parenting. You deserve respect, not insults or threats.
YTA. Move out and get your own place and pay your own bills.
I won’t pass judgement either way, as these particular things are never fully one sided (i have kids either side of your age, some at home, some not) HOWEVER I do suggest you move out and get your own place.
these are way I recommend this…
just remember there is alot more to living in your own, than living at home, even if you are financially stable with a full time job, and it may be some of these hidden things that your mother is referring to.
NTA. Your mother is toxic. Maybe time to find some roommates and move out so you can enjoy your life and accomplishments without her making snide, hurtful remarks.
NTA
People like her have no concept of inflation or post-war economic booms.
I’m assuming she’s a baby boomer or something close to it. Back in her day, families could afford a home and raise a family of 5 on a single income.
Nowadays you can barely afford rent and food, let alone a family.
She’s just entitled, and I’m glad you stood up for yourself. You’re an adult, and you don’t deserve to be treated like this.
NTA.
NTA. I hope you move out without even telling her. Let her figure it out on her own.
NTA. Your mom is miserable at her job and in her life, and taking it out on you. Your best bet is to save your money and move out ASAP. Move out on your own and take that threat of being kicked out away from her. I bet she backpeddals. Stay the course.
Miserable people like to stay miserable and then spread the misery. If she doesn’t like her job, it’s entirely within her control to find something else. Currently, she’s just being a bitch. I say this as a mom to a 20 y/o. I WFH full time, and encourage my daughter to get to a place in her career where she can do that too.
Some relationships with family are better left as low/no contact. My parents are miserable humans (boomers) and are very dismissive of my career because it’s WFH. I’m an accountant, and they couldn’t wrap their minds around half of what I do.
YTA for being a grown ass adult living under her roof. Either you suck at adulting, or you like being her punching bag.
This is a tough way to live, OP. Have you considered moving out on your own?
NAH. If she dishes it out, she should be able to take it as well.
YTA- moms never get to stop being moms. Even to ungrateful 22 year old. Even now, rather than go a do adulting under your own rules, you want mom to concede to how ‘adult’ you are. If you aren’t financially capable to leave,then you still have to live under the guise of respect.
YTA. you are still living at home so NO you are not out living an adult life because you dont pay bills. You deserve to be kicked out for running your mouth like youre grown but you cant even live in adult world.
“I told her that I am in fact living in the real-world”… in her house. That’s not the real world.
Problem with a lot of these posts is, they are always one sided. Just an observation.
She’s clearly out of touch with how things can work at this time; and she had a whole life time of this not being a reality, sometimes people just don’t take to change as quickly…working as you are was like a fairy tale idea for her generation…
That said there is obviously underlying issues between you two and I do ponder if her relatively shitty attitude here stems from your living arrangement in another way.
If at current you are doing so financially well – are you paying rent/helping with household bills? Could you; considering how real-world your job is…rent or purchase a home of your own?
If you cannot – that is what she is telling you, just in a really stupid way…and phrased like someone who doesn’t get how times have changed.
If you can and there is nothing holding you at home (likw you mom needs you etc)…go be a part of the real world; living at home is living at home and still puts you as a dependent in many ways .
Why are you’re an adult “making a decent living” why the fuck are you still living at home with mommy? Time to actually grow up and move out. ESH.
Why are you, a salaried 22 year old, living at home in the first place?
“She began lashing out saying that I was out of line for insulting her and her work ethic” but only right after she did the same exact thing to you.
If she can’t handle the heat, she has to get out of the kitchen and stop placing orders.
You gotta get out, just go by yourself and never go back. She doesn’t sound worth it.
You went too far. You should have stopped after reminding her that you are in a real job, paying bills, etc., but after that you lashed out and she lashed out. You two have bad communication habits.
Y (a little bit) TA. She is definitely the AH.
As you said you’re an adult, your mom doesn’t need a valid reason to kick you out of the home. You don’t have equal share to it I assume? So, do you want to keep living under her roof/her rules or do you want to save money and move into your own home where you make the rules?
NTA holding housing over your head and threatening to make you homeless when you were a minor was abuse, and she’s still verbally abusing you. She will never treat you as an equal or show you any respect. Personally I’d move out.
YTA to yourself.
>> I don’t think defending myself is worthy of being kicked out of the house.
Defending yourself is worthy. You’ll have self esteem and self respect. You will be resiliant to other abusers. And believe, you will meet other abusers. They can spot someone like you. You should get out of that house. You have already lived by the side of a very abusive person for 22 years. That’s not good for your soul. Liberate yourself.
Good luck from here on.
If your week is ruined bevause Starbucks discontinued the apple chai latte and you live at home with your parents, you are not out living in the real world OP. You may contribute to the living situation but you are still being relatively coddled by your parents and that is indicative that you have yet to leave the nest. And no one could blame you for it but I think your mother is kinda right. YTA
Move out.
It’s her home anyway.
Why are you still living at home?
You have just reached the point in your relationship where, as a Mother, she has “done her bit” and as a child, you are now able to make it in the world on your own.
You see it with birds, how they “kick them out of the nest”
And other animals have similar instincts with their young.
It is not unusual for someone your age to start “clashing” with a parent.
Why not just accept it for what it is….. time to move out and stand on your own two feet.
You might find that your relationship improves….. you might not….. but such is life.
Good luck.
Sounds like it is time for you to move out. If only to get away from your awful mom.
NTA, but you’re in a full time salaried job, you should be moving out asap. 1. Why would you want to live in such a toxic environment? 2. Why would you want to live with someone who has zero respect for you and sees you as a child?
In general, I don’t understand why people live with their parents if they can afford to live alone. I have a great relationship with my parents, but I’d never want to live with them or live by their rules. I’m an independent adult, I have zero desire to compromise my lifestyle/my life choices and that’s exactly what you have to do when you live with your parents (no matter your age).
You’re 22 and working a decently paid full-time job. So forget her threats, move out in your own!
>I am in fact living in the real-world, at a real job, making a decent living, and paying my bills/expenses.
Why in the world are you living with your Mom when you find her so vexing? Sure maybe it allows you to save, but a place with a decent roommate might not be too bad depending here you are.
Why are you still living with her if she’s like this and you are able to take care of yourself? YTA for still being there.
Be less sensitive..
OP i dont think youre TA for giving your mom a taste of her own medicine. but, it seems like you have a good job, and i think you should leave.
the amount of money you save by living at home isnt worth your mental health.