I need to put this in writing because I can’t talk through the tears.
For context: up to last summer, my husband and I had a cat, which was mainly an outside cat, but she came inside for cuddles every day. One day during the summer, however, she just never came back and we never found out what happened to her. A part of me is still holding on to the thought of a nice family adopting her – it’s a small chance since she was microchipped, but the alternative is just unthinkable. She was only two years old.
Then, after weeks of crying, my husband surprised me in September with a new kitten. This time, we decided to keep him indoors only because I wasn’t going to let anything happen to him. We were so happy! But after a few days, my husband realised he’s allergic – he literally couldn’t breathe and had to get an asthma inhaler. We already grew attached to the kitten, which is why we spent the last seven months trying to find a solution so that we could keep him. We bought food which supposedly lowers the allergens in cat saliva, we got two air purifiers and invested into a good vacuum. We kept the place clean, but nothing worked. Finally, we had to make the decision to give the cat up for adoption. I’ve been crying since we agreed on that and today, his new family picked him up. I never thought I could get so attached because I never had a pet growing up, but damn it, this was my baby. My baby, who helped me get over the loss of my first baby and now I had to give him away. He healed one heartbreak and gave me another. I was so excited to give him a forever home but now I can’t.
The couple who took him seem nice and they already have a cat so he won’t be alone, which is something I always worried about when I left the house, so that’s a good thing. I know they’ll take good care of him and I’m glad we chose them to be his new parents, it just hurts so much. I’m also angry because as a child, I was never allowed to have a pet (and I’ve always wanted a cat), and now that I am a grownup, I can’t have it without compromising the health of my husband. I also feel selfish because this man put up with allergic reactions for seven months, he wasn’t able to breathe and sleep because he wanted me to be happy.
I spent the last few nights on the couch with the cat but I didn’t sleep as much as I couldn’t stop crying. Packing his things was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and I’m just so worried because I know he’s confused and scared and there is nothing I can do about it. It breaks my heart knowing I’ll never be able to pick him up again, kiss him, cuddle him, hear his purr and the little tippy-taps around the house. The apartment already feels so empty and I keep looking for him, but he’ll never come back.
I hope he’ll get adjusted quickly and that he’ll have a good, long and happy life. I also hope he brings his new humans as much joy as he has brought me. If they love him even half as much as I do, he’s the luckiest cat in the world.