Time to get this off my chest. It’s been 15 damn years. And I’m still clinging to the dumbest fantasy a man can have.
I lost my virginity in college to a gorgeous redhead, way out of my league. I was awkward, shaking, had zero idea what I was doing. But mid-thrust, my idiot brain whispered:
“What if she ends up doing porn someday? Then I could say I fucked a porn star.”
Not exactly a romantic thought to have for my first love. But a honest one.
She’s a lawyer now. Married. Two kids. Still no porn. I Google her name once or twice a year like some pathetic tradition.
Still nothing.
Meanwhile, I’m divorced, drunk, and balls-deep in a Fleshlight named Creampuff, clinging to the saddest pipe dream imaginable.
Edit: Funny how one dumb thought from a lonely college kid still sticks. Life didn’t go as planned, but I’m hanging in there.
Comments
That’s sad af, pathetic even, and props to you to recognize it.
Truth is our body remembers everything, but it only knows the past. You gotta teach your body that joy can be found other ways.
You’re not even clinging to her, but an idea of her. Nostalgia is not memory. Heck, most first time sex is awkward and silly.
How is this positive wtf
You have a lot of posts dedicated to Creampuff. Bordering on too much.
Dawg😭😭
Dude…..
I hope you and Creampuff have a wonderful and beautiful relationship for decades to cum.
This truly is off your chest cause personally I’m never admitting something like that 😭
Wow, I never thought looking at this thread would make me feel better about myself, but here we are.
Damn dude😭😭
I looked at the post history. Brother I want to buy you a beer Goddamit. This might be the most brilliantly crafted account I have ever encountered “in the wild”. Holy shit
I wonder if the person I hooked up with 15 years ago did anything but nope, she went and got married to a loser and our anniversary is coming up soon. Doesn’t do porn either. What is wrong with us?
[deleted]
This is no way positive my guy. Just pathetic
What a terrible day to be literate. I feel like I’m now on a watchlist after reading OPs post history.
wtf is this gooner post
I wish that last part didn’t exist.
Need more creampuff lore
This is genuinely the most deranged and insane thought I’ve ever heard.
bro what????
Work on a devious plan to get her bared as a lawyer and forced Into selling herself for sex… Might work dude
Bro u need to touch grass and find some ladies bc ur post history is concerning
How can ya’ll read that last paragraph and not realize this is satire?
As a side note check his post history for some creampuff lore!
Life didn’t go as planned, but it’s going in a predictive direction.
brother 😭
. . . I mean, hey man, I lost my virginity to a girl I had a mega crush on back in grade school. After a fantastic night together I asked her if she wanted to get coffee, and she told me she had to go hang out with her boyfriend later.
I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.
Apparently she was in an open relationship.
I also didn’t know that.
I thought we were going to date like officially after having flirted for eons in grade school.
Sometimes I check in on her on Facebook to remind myself that childish fancy amounted to absolutely nothing for me, and I truly can’t know someone’s intentions based on surface-level exchanges.
So, I . . . get it?
You know what, maybe some people do deserve to live unfulfilling lives…
I chuckled out loud! Great post!!!
Batman couldn’t get this out of me
a what named what 💀💀💀
This is just something you take to your grave
I… don’t get it. Never once in my life, even as a dumb kid, aspired to sleep with a porn star, current or future. Never once have I wished or wondered if anyone I know or have slept has become a pornstar. Am I the weird one or is this not a normal fantasy to have?
Yeah that’s enough internet for today
That’s not healthy buddy. You need to move on and forgot about her. What good will her being a pornstar do? Who is gonna be impressed by that? The internet ?
Damn… your post history is like gold mine of reddit brain rot…
Legend
I would bet that most porn actresses real name are never known. First, most people involved in porn are not professional and will never be more than amateur. Second, it used to be that professional porn meant contract with studio and therefore real names was somewhere, but with OF type platform that’s not so much the case anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK
brother…
That’s enough internet for today.
It’s normal. My ex GFs google my name all the time, hoping that I have became a star. So that they can say to their current BF that they were fucked by a star.
Dude, you need to talk to someone. As in, a professional. Stop using your fleshlight man.
There’s no shot this is a real post right?
EVERYONE SHUT UP
My favorite shit poster is yapping 🍿
Sort of fella that if the police come round they bring the battering ram !!
Jesus Christ this might be the worst reddit account I’ve ever seen
OH MY GOD ITS THE GUY FROM THAT ONE REDDIT STORY ON SMOSH PIT
Better off your chest than cleaned out of creampuff. Seriously man, sober up, go touch some grass. Stay off the internet for a long while.
Ummm bro, this is kind of mad. That said, you ain’t in a dead end, it may feel like it but you’re not. There are plenty of women out there in your exact situation (well kind of) that probably feel lonely and sad too.
Alcohol ain’t gonna help it, it’ll just make it wore, no one can give you the motivation to get back out there and find someone but yourself. I guarantee you can be happy again but it starts with you.
After reading your other posts, wow
Bro are you okay
I’m glad Creampuff is getting the love she deserves
Thanks for the quality post!
looked at myself and smiled
Y’all OPs post history is some of the wildest shit I’ve seen on reddit, dudes either doing some weird social experiment or really really needs help
Pathetic
Post nut clarity, nice
Porn really does fry brains… jezz
Mate, I honestly thought this was heading toward a wistful “I hope she’s doing well” type reflection, because I’ve had those moments too, where you look someone up just to know they landed on their feet.
But clinging to the porn star fantasy? Yeah… that’s not just a weird emotional time capsule, that’s a whole tragicomedy of arrested development. You don’t need her to have done porn to validate your experience. If anything, that fantasy keeps you locked in a version of yourself from 15 years ago.
Here’s a better move… pull up a redhead who looks vaguely like her, tell yourself it’s her for 2 minutes, and let the post-nut clarity slap some sense into you. Then close Pornhub and go drink a glass of water like a man freshly baptised by shame.
Time to retire that brain worm… You’re worth more than a dusty memory and a delusional IMDB search.
Funniest thing I’ve ever read, not sure why everybody takes it as a free pass to be mean 😂 Sorry man! If life is fucked maybe you have a mental condition or something, give therapy a chance it helped me out a ton.
The dedication to the ‘still no pornstar’ is not that strange. Everything else around it is
Lawyer porn sounds hot
Please please please, get therapy
You couldn’t waterboard this information out of me bro
Not even the KGB would be able get this out of me
“Positive” 😂😂
Creampuff 😂😂
CHICKEN OF THE YEAR 😂😂
…Ngl this is some loser shit.
You and Creampuff could do porn lol
That’s pathetic.
Edit: your entire account and existence is as well.
With this post I’m surprised she didn’t turn into a lesbian
Scrolling through OP’s posts is a journey.. might want to lay off the porn my guy
This made me crack the fuck up.
You’re obsessed with the woman that took your V card(in a seriously unhealthy and VERY creepy way) and drowning in booze with a flashlight.
It’s shocking that he’s divorced. Aren’t these traits desirable by all women?? /s
I find it so bizarre that was your thought mid-fucking. Like not…the normal ‘she is hot I hope to do this again’ yada yada…but ‘if only she becomes a porn star then I can say I have fucked one’. I mean 1) thats a super degrading thought towards her and 2) who is dreaming of actually fucking a porn star in rl?!? Who thinks that would be anything to brag about? Of course, you were a college kid and had dick brain but you still google to see if she does porn…so weird honestly