I am in a love-hate relationship with my MIL. I have been married to her youngest son for 2 years now, together for 6 years. I love her as she became a second mother to me. However, things are just good at the start I guess? Let me all take you from the start.
Planning the wedding. She insisted that she would pay for me and DH’s wedding. We wanted to do a destination wedding so it will be a small one and only the people that matters would come. No. Can’t do that. What the other sibling got, we also need to get. Cool, we got a date and a beautiful venue. It was all fun and games until…. She decided to get a couture dress that costs almost as much as my wedding dress. She only mentioned it to me when she has already paid for it and said, “don’t worry! You’re the one wearing white on the day anyway!”
Oh, did I mention that 130 of our 170 guests were hers? That’s okay as she’s paying for the wedding. DH tried to control the guest list as it was getting absurd, some of the guests we have not even met but was unsuccessful as we aren’t paying for this wedding. The real turning point of my love-hate relationship with her? When she had a full meltdown when we showed her the seating arrangements. She said we couldn’t seat her relatives towards the end as they have to be sitting close to the immediate family, and I pointed out that we were seated towards the back for their wedding. I did let it go as it wasn’t the hill I would die on.
Fast forward… I got pregnant. Everyone’s excited for the baby. All the big plans! However, I wasn’t given the same treatment as my SIL. I didn’t get the baby shopping spree she got, but it was okay, I’d rather splurge and get the things I want for my baby instead of being so price conscious. I did get a car seat from her though LOL.
Anyway, we told her when the baby was due and I’d be doing an elective c-section. Closer to my due date, her and my FIL decided to book a holiday. Guess what? They won’t be here when the baby comes. They come back a week after the baby comes and she blamed it on me. I told her it was my doctor who booked in the date.
Fast forward, baby is here and very healthy. We have set some boundaries and expectations. The kicker? She doesn’t visit us at home which is 15 mins away btw, but my FIL does visit us. He tries to go every week. Her excuse is because we have dogs, she said she is allergic to them.. but we lived with them for a bit with the dogs and no complaints there. We go every week to their house just for them to see the baby.
She wants me to also leave the baby with her once a week. DH says no, if you want to see baby, it will be at our house where baby is most comfortable. She is expecting I’d be like my SIL who drops her kid off at her house once a week. DH doesn’t like it as he thinks my MIL thinks her grandchildren are just accessories.
She did push me again today, she is upset my mum (visiting from overseas and staying with us) is looking after baby at our home. With us, the parents.
Am I overreacting? Am I being too mean to her? I’m such a people pleaser that sometimes I bend my boundaries for everyone, however, that stops with my baby. My baby isn’t something to parade when she clearly doesn’t exert the effort to see baby.
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I’d of hated her the minute she bought my wedding dress without telling me or asking???? She’s insane
She is trampling all over everyone because everyone lets her. Quit trying to “keep the peace”, or be a “people pleaser” or “the bigger person” or any of the myriad of terms for people who are continually bulldozed by others! Will she get pissed off and throw a fit? Probably, yeah. But do you want to spend the rest of your days bowing to her demands? Shiny up those spines! 🙂
Your boundaries are completely reasonable, don’t let her guilt-trip you.
hold your boundaries. she can watch baby at your house. and if she keeps pushing it ask her ‘what she wants to do with baby that she can’t do with you and DH present ?’