I know this is a little long but I would really appreciate if you guys could read it in full, thanks.
I am 22M and she is 25F. There is a lot wrong with our relationship, and I might make a full post about it sometime, its not going well and I found myself looking on reddit on how you can tell your relationship is coming to an end, and one guy said when they’re no longer the first person you want to tell when something has happened. And that reminded me of something that happened about 6 months ago in my relationship, not me not wanting to tell her but her not wanting to tell me. Her dads cancer had come back and this time very seriously, with potentially only a couple of years to live if he doesnt take treatment.
Now just before I continue, the person she told was her ex fwb. But up until this point she always claimed he was just a friend ever since us two first met, I always said how I dont trust him and I think he likes her but she always said how its not like that. She always stated she wasnt even attracted to him at all and she thinks he might be gay anyway. Really early before we started dating she slept over at his place because he was depressed apparently and I always had a bad feeling. I would ask her about it occasionally and she would get angry and say “STOP FUCKING ASKING WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING OK” and “I PROMISE” (we also take the promise word super seriously, well as you can see where this is leading evidently not that seriously for her). She tried to throw it back on me for being insecure about asking. But my gut always told me it just wasnt possible that there was nothing going on or that nothing had gone on in the past.
Anyway I put my trust in her that he really was just a good friend. They hung out several times one on one even after we had officially started dating. Well despite what I said above I will briefly go into it, I snooped on her phone, found out that they used to have sex, were having sex when her and I were seeing eachother in the early days and even without a condom. She lied to me about him being just a friend obviously because they had fucked and she finds him attractive. Now whether they ever had sex after we officially became a couple I will never know but to me it’s irrelevant, well not irrelevant because that would make me sick if they did but meeting up with him behind my back essentially considering she lied about who he is/was to her is already bad.
She met up multiple times with her really good “friend” that she had also fucked while dating me. She obviously didnt tell me because she knew her partner wouldn’t be comfortable with it obviously. Now I could seriously write so so so much more stuff in so much more detail, thats just one of the tips of the many icebergs. But to continue, this was the same time I found out that not only had she had sex with him but she told him and no one else that her dad had cancer. Now I can understand if she didnt wanna tell me, and also no one else either because sometime things that painful we want to keep to ourselves and I get that. But if you are going to tell someone, just one person, why are you telling your ex fuck buddy, who doesnt even know or care for your dad, has no relationship with him, before me – your boyfriend?
Now this is partially a rant and Im thinking of writing up something in full, of everything really and all the other fucked up stuff thats happened, maybe if anyone is interested or thinks this is a good idea you could tell me in the comments. I just thought this one thing was worth sharing because I saw someone in a reddit thing talk about not sharing important things with your partner as the first person is a sign of bad things. Anyone’s contribution would be great.
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Communicate with her and if she doesn’t say anything or you guys talk then drop her.. 🥲
So she cheated on you with that guy?
I mean if she was dating with you(early phase or not) and still sleeped with him, lied to you, she clearly cheated.
This girl is not worth to fight over. Run and break up, she is bad news for your future.
Honestly, I can see why she’d tell a friend about the cancer before a partner. Sometimes friends have been more longstanding, and have previously helped you with things. Partners, especially when going through a rough patch, can feel more unreliable. Also, cancers a big thing – everyone reacts differently to hearing about it because everyone has different experiences.
That being said, your partner is a proven liar. She knows this friend isn’t gay. She also should’ve expressed who exactly he was from the moment you asked. And then to sleep over after forming these lies? Followed by getting by upset at you for asking?
Personally, that alone would be my reason to leave. If you’re thinking about signs the relationship is ending – lying is your first big one. Not the cancer situation.
Honestly? If you think it’s going to make you feel relieved and heard then go ahead and write down everything that’s been weighing on your mind. I’m sorry this happened to you.
But truthfully? Man, just end it with her. She is a dishonest person. Nothing special or rare about her since you can meet liars everywhere in the world. You know eventually everything will lead up to resentment, pain and wasted time. There are tons of lovely girls who I’m sure would love to treat you well. She is not the last person on the planet earth. Trust me, you will be fine. Everything will get better!
You should respect yourself more and break up with her. She has guys to fall back on. Don’t worry.
I have no idea why you’re forcing yourself to remain with her especially with “alot wrong with our relationship” sometimes you have to accept when you two are no longer compatible. Good, healthy and happy relationships don’t have “alot wrong” in their resume.
So she cheated, then probably has been cheating when meeting one on one. Why is she still your partner?
Dude go to the bathroom and check to see if you still have a pair a balls down there. If so man up and leave that woman. We are not about to feel sorry for you on here.
You are telling us she lied to you multiple times about a guy who she used to have sex with and was an ex. Calling him a gay friend that she isn’t attracted to when they literally dated. That alone is enough to leave her.
Instead you are choosing to stay. At a certain point it’s your fault for staying. You say “we” take the I promise term seriously. We sounds like too many people. YOU take i promise seriously, she uses it as a way to lie and get you to believe it because she knows you are gullible.
Let’s be honest you know she has cheated on you and has lied to you multiple times, yet here you are still trying to put the pieces back together as she keeps ripping them right back off.
Why? Why don’t you love yourself? Why don’t you think you are good enough? Why are you not okay with being alone? You’d rather be someone’s b*tch than be single? You need to stop worrying about her. You can’t control her but you can control you. The question isn’t why doesn’t she love you, it’s why don’t you love yourself.
You sat here and typed out paragraphs to Reddit telling us how little respect your gf has for you when you should have been telling us why this lady is now your ex.
You don’t need our advice on her, you have already explained that she doesn’t care about you and will continue to lie to your face, manipulate you, and cheat on you. What you need is therapy on why you think so little of yourself that you truly believe that being disrespected and cheated on is better than being stuck alone with your own self and single.
Sounds like you wouldn’t even date yourself so you are just happy someone else will even if that means they will disrespect you and cheat on you and lie to you. You probably think I’m an a hole for speaking this way to you. Nah, your an a hole for not standing up for yourself. I’d be an a hole if I lied to you like your so called gf. You may hate every word I said but you needed to hear it. No more sugar coating. You are a grown man. No one is coming to your rescue.
It’s your duty and responsibility to yourself to never let her or anyone else treat you this way. How do you you prevent someone from treating you this way??? You leave, you never look back, and you become a man that is comfortable in his own skin.
Then and only then will that respect you have for yourself translate to others having respect for you. And every time people do you wrong, you will just laugh and realize you are just better off without them. You will begin to attract people in your life that actually respects you because you respect yourself.
This post isn’t about your cheating gf, this post is about the man in the mirror.
wtf is wrong with you? She lied to you on multiple occasions and is probably cheating on you and you’re upset that she told this dude about her dad’s cancer first before telling you. Get help