I (23M) met this girl(19F) in a group chat 3 months ago. We vibed well, moved to DMs, and started sharing daily chats, vlogs, and personal stuff; she’s funny, mature, and we had great chemistry.
Problem is, she recently broke up with her ex and is clearly not over him (sad posts, admits she’d take him back).
I’ve developed feelings but haven’t confessed because:
(1) she’s younger (I’m finishing PG, she’s starting college)
(2) she’s emotionally all over the place (hot/cold replies, ex talk), and
(3) we’ve never met IRL.
Lately, she’s been distant; dry replies, blaming anxiety and ex baggage.
I helped her in a situation nd she said ‘I love you’ but I don’t think it was in a way that i had wanted. She says if you don’t get to marry anyone better I’ll marry you, i think she’s just being sarcastic or flirty, IDK.
I’m torn: do I wait it out hoping she’ll heal and reciprocate, or step back to avoid being an emotional crutch?
The age gap + her unresolved feelings make me doubt this could work, but part of me wonders if I’m giving up too soon (it’s only been 3 months).
Anyone been here? Should I stick around or cut my losses?
TL;DR:
(23M) caught feelings for (19F) from a gc, great chemistry but she’s hung up on her ex (sad posts, admits she’d take him back). She’s hot/cold, we’ve never met IRL, and the age gap/life stages complicate things. After 3 months of deep chats, she’s now distant. Wait for her to heal or move on to avoid being an emotional placeholder?
Comments
Theres literally nothing in your post that suggest waiting is remotely a good option
You’ve never met and she’s not ready to date. Move on.
Catching feelings for someone is not the end all be all “I have to make it happen” sign from the universe. It’s just feelings. Theyll move on if you do.
Married 32f here. It’s my opinion that you should move on. From what you’ve shared, she is emotionally unavailable and isn’t interested in the way you’d like her to be. She is most likely hot and cold with responses based on whether she needs a confidence boost or the feeling of a man wanting her. Some women (men, too) can’t stand to be alone and will take advantage of others (especially of the opposite sex) who may have actual feelings for them without those feelings being reciprocated, because they like the feeling of it. If she had any intention of pursuing things with you, she would. You deserve a girl who is as interested in you as you are in her!
Edited to add: Source- I’m ashamed to say, in my late teen years, I was this girl.