I found out my girlfriend was cheating and I know what I did was was wrong but I had a gut feeling something was up so I went through her phone and found out she was had cheated and was still texting an old boyfriend that she misses him a week before I moved in. When I try to pack my stuff and leave she panics and balls her eyes out. I want to stay with her but I don’t know if I can ever rebuild that trust with her even though she says she’ll never do it again. When I’m with her everything is fine and I feel happy again but as soon as I’m alone I get angry and depressed again. I love her so much but I’m scared she’ll do it again. So my question is if you guys were in my situation would you leave even if you really wanted to stay ?
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Get outta there.
Leave she’s a grown women she should know better than that
A person who does that to you doesn’t truly love you. If you take her back you may not be able to trust her again.
She cheated on you with an old boyfriend. She betrayed you. She will do it again. Run, don’t walk, out of there. She did you a favor.
Run……..fast. if she’s comfortable to do that in a relationship, she’s capable of anything.
I’d recommend to go – it is possible but very very difficult to rebuild trust. In your situation it is not only that she cheated but
These points show that the issue is her personality rather than anything else that is unlikely to be changed -> hence it doesn’t make sense to put in the effort to remedy the situation.
I always find it interesting how people say it’s bad to look into people’s phones…until they find something worse.
Gut feelings are gut feelings in my opinion it’s only bad if it’s to an obsessive point, if your gut is saying something is wrong I’ve learned you might wanna trust your gut.
There are levels of privacy yes, but then there is honesty. I got nothing to hide from my wife if she wants to look through my phone go for it. She’d do the same. You shouldn’t have secrets from your partner anyway if you trust them.
Anyway I’ve seen the exceptions for privacy on phones but these really don’t seem like over the top boundary crossings (especially when it’s a valid reason to check and they are right)
Anyway. Sorry that happened OP hope you can fully realize what you need and make the decision that brings you peace and comfort.
What is she doing to try and earn back your trust? Has she already cut off contact with her ex? Has she given you open access to her phone/messaging aps? I would ask her to go stay with friends or family to give you some space to figure out if you can or want to forgive her and while apart she should start putting an action plan into place to prove she would be committed to sorting herself out if you give her another chance.
Short answer: LEAVE!!!!
This woman has a lot of mental baggage, besides that she already cheated on you so there’s no trust anymore 💁🏻♂️
Dude i was on the reverse , i was caught cheating and my gf decided to give me another chance…
Even though I truly meant to not do it again, and showed every chance I could how remorseful I was it never went back to normal
She was still upset , still scrutinizing my every move, and the trust was gone.
There was also resentment
Unfortunately once something is broken, it’s almost impossible to fix
We decided to breakup for real
If you stay she will never respect you. You have shown her she can fuck another guy and get away with it. It will show her you are a pussy. Leave.
Personal opinion is that there is a point in a relationship where free access to each other’s devices should be a thing and expected, mutually of course. That point begins at the latest when you move in together. So don’t feel guilty about that at all.
Don’t go back to her. She isn’t sorry she cheated. She is mad that she got caught and now has to do something to not have her safe guy (perhaps wallet as well) at home leave.
Leave her. She’s only upset she got caught. Get tested.
I was in the same boat with my ex. Caught her several times, same conversation. “Won’t do it again” “I’m sorry” blah blah blah
It was a cycle. Several months go by everything’s good then BAM she’s getting caught again. It was painful as fuck each time. And my dumb ass felt like you do, didn’t want to be without her. Loved her.
You stay after that they start thinking you’ll never leave no matter what. And they walk all over you until one day , they meet someone else and leave you anyways. And all that pain and suffering you went through meant nothing to them.
if it was just a text message and you have no proof she was actually fucking him you could give her another chance. But if you have proof they hooked up, id bounce bro.
I wish I would have left my ex after I found out and took my kid with me. My life would be so much better and different in a good way if I had left when I should have. I stayed and things just kept getting worse and worse
Trust is like a mug. Once it breaks. It’s not the same. Even if you glue it back together. The crack still shows and it’s weaker than before.
She doesn’t love you. At her age, she is looking for someone economically safe. Leave brother. The anxiety will wear you down if you don’t.
Maybe you wont listen to these other people but please listen to me. I am in one of the roughest points of my life bc i stayed with a cheater. Literally moved to a new state with her so we can have a new fresh start, she ultimately ended up leaving me for her coworker as far as I can tell. People who cheat on you don’t actually love you and as soon as they find something better they will go. Its just honestly the sad facts. Im sure there is a very very small percentage of people who change after cheating for the better but be honest with yourself, you think you’re that lucky? Your image of her is tarnished forever even if she did change you would doubt her its over.
Have some self respect and pride, leave. It may hurt but try to look at yourself from the outside. You would tell any friend in this situation to leave. You’d probably tell your friend they’re pathetic for staying. Get angry. Use that anger to act. Use that anger to feel pride and know you’re better than being treated like that. Picture what she did in your head very clearly and vividly if you have to. Know that you’re better than just taking that and telling her “it’s okay”. If you are okay with it eventually she will see that as it being ok to do again cus you already forgave her for it. Keep that anger in your head. Not to punish her but to give you the strength to walk away with your head held high. And then know eventually the next you find will be younger and hotter and more loyal. Just be ready for it to hurt bad in the here and now
Whenever I am in a tough spot, I try to get out of my point of view, and theorize the story, and give alternatives.
“This guy got cheated on and still chose to stay, because it felt good being with her.”
“This guy got cheated on and decided to leave.”
Write the stories first and then live them
You are only wrong about going thru her phone is if you don’t find anything. That is the risk of doing it. If you ask, she/he is going to lie 99.9% of the time. It just a matter of risk/return. You took the risk, the return is you were right. Tough decision ahead. Good luck!
Once trust has been broken you can’t get it back. Move on and find someone better
Cheaters don’t usually cheat just once – she has shown you her character, believe her. You aren’t even married – leave before you are in financial and child entanglements
Speaking from experience, I would leave. She has destroyed your trust in her and that doesn’t get rebuilt in a day, week or month. Every time she is not with you, you will think she is out with someone else. That hurts everyone. Even if she never cheated again, you would still have those concerns.
I would move out, take time to process and then figure out your next steps. Relationships need more than love. You can love her with your whole heart and still walk away.
She did it once, she’ll do it again but be more sneaky next time.
Save your future self the heartbreak and the humiliation of finding out she cheated again!