Howdy y’all, generic throwaway here because of your classic masculine insecurities. I’ve recently met a wonderful woman that I really care for and am also very attracted to. The first night we were together was an absolute dream as we were having awesome sex multiple times throughout the night and I had no problems getting it up and staying up. Not only did I not have any problems getting and staying aroused I was also surprised by the fact that I was ready to go again just a couple minutes after the first round, we’re talking personal best response time here. It was so good that I seemed to absolutely rock her world and she was incredibly satisfied and was immediately texting me the day after about how good it was and how good we are together and I was absolutely over the moon as this was probably some of the best sex I’ve ever had and I struggle to think of a time that I performed better.
For the next time we saw each other we both promised to not get off for the 3 days in between our next date. Even just texting her I was completely aroused and I wanted her so bad my nuts were literally hurting that they wanted release so badly. Of course when the time came after going down on her for a couple minutes she wanted me inside but I just wasn’t ready. What proceeded was hours of the most shameful feeling I’ve ever felt and the overwhelming fear that she would leave me. Of course she was trying to be incredibly supportive but you could tell she was upset. She suggested I get on a pill but I just don’t know. Is it normal to not be able to be aroused when you’re literally aching for release? I’m also considering getting my hands on some Cialis (if I can find it) but I’m not sure if it’s something I should start doing because how could I stop? I really like this girl and I want to spend more time with her but this pressure to perform is eating away at me and this feeling of failure and guilt just won’t leave me. What can I do?
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I doubt you need meds, homie. What you need is to relax. When we get into our own heads about not being able to get aroused, suddenly you trap yourself in this loop of worry and anxiety, which than makes it harder to get hard, which makes you more upset, etc etc.
There’s a myriad of reasons you might not be able to get hard in one circumstance. Anxiety, tiredness, medicines. But when you let yourself spiral because of that, you become obsessed and worried and are no longer in the experience, you’re just in your own head. Worried.
Just realize next time that it’s not a huge deal. Make it up to her by going down and making her finish a whole bunch of times, and let her know its not her and you’re okay with not getting off that once. And maybe later in the night, you are ready!
Just don’t get trapped in that loop of anxiety.
Get blood tested from your doctor. If you have high estrogen in your system can throw things off balance or even low testosterone can. Start there before throwing pills on it.
Start with a workup with your Dr. Have your levels checked. Could be medical, could be mental.
Best of luck.
I think jumping to the conclusion that you need pills is a little much. I also am not sure if she should be suggesting medication to you as a new partner in your life, that is a very personal choice.
I suspect this is more of an pressure/performance anxiety that’s causing you to remain flaccid. You don’t need pills for that, you just need to accept it and work through it. My ex partner had a issue with this for a bit, and at first it did upset me (I was taking it personally). But after I learned to be more accepting of it and reassuring, like “that’s okay, let’s just kiss” type stuff, he stopped having the issue. It’s internal work of understanding it’s not a reflection of you/your body or anyone else. And on your partner’s end, not defaulting to meds or I guess attempting to be calm and casual about it.
Don’t jump to conclusions and just take it slow next time. I have a feeling that the previous time set a huge expectation that made it difficult for you to go into.
(Woman here)
Buddy, it sounds like a moment of performance anxiety. You were literally SO eager to be with her, you had a brain fart and your dude passed out.
If it persists, always go see a doctor and make sure there’s nothing physiologically wrong, but it sounds like you got into the wrong head.
You’re in your own head, that’s it. It just sounds like you anticipated this so much that you ended up psyching yourself out and it impacting your performance.
Don’t do Cialis, or any other drug for that matter. All you’re gonna end up doing is removing your body’s natural ability to get it up. And this is just insane talk for something that purportedly happened once to even consider.
It doesn’t sound like anything medical, just mental. Stop building up this perfect moment in your head of topping your last time or keeping up with how many times you did it. Or this artificial goalpost that the sex always has to be mind-bendingly incredible. You do that, and you should supposedly be fine.
I don’t know how normal is it, but it happened and I did not take it personally.
Hey bud no biggie, grab a blue pill for your next few dates with her. This should lessen your anxiety and stress after a few good romps…good luck.
Your problem is the 3 days of not wanking. You said that you both promised but I don’t believe for a second that it was your idea.
You can’t leave a hard on unattended for 3 days and expect it to do what you want it to do when you finally give it some attention.
Would you do that to your pet?
You need to take better care of your penis if you want it to reward you. It’s a two way thing. Apologise and promise never to neglect it again just because some random tells you to.
Hope this helps.
Consult a doctor, not reddit.
This is a health issue not a relationship issue
It’s called performance anxiety. And it happened to me several times. I would get very nervous and then could not preform. It’s very common. You just need to relax and tell yourself that you are the man. Try having a drink or two to take the edge off. That sometimes helps.
Happens to the best of us. Likely a mental thing from dealing with a new partner. There are those partners that you click right off the bat with from a sexual compatibility aspect and there are those you need more time with to kinda “sync” with.
It happened to me during the best sex that I ever had. Shit was mindblowing, but my problem was I couldn’t finish. Everything felt amazing, she was sexy AF, and we were going at it for a few hours but I could never cum. I pretty much had to assure her and communicate that I was loving it, but I just wasn’t going to be able to mentally get there because it takes time for me to get used to a new partner. She was understanding and we kept at it.
Just be open and honest put it on you. Tell her the thought of being privileged enough to sleep with her and the anticipation has caused you to get in your head a little
Hey bro I’m 27 and thought the hair loss pills I was taking was destroying my boners. Turns out I’m an over-thinker and thinking about not disappointing or getting hard makes you not well…get hard. You need to be in the moment.
Also Id take some nutrition into account.
Have zinc/magnesium/iron to promote function.
Pomegranate/beetroot juice is great for boners.
Ginseng usually helps me last longer but I only take it now and again to not get dependent on it.
Everyone is talking about raw honey packs now days but I wouldn’t try anything like that since you rocked her world before, it’s all mental cause of the bad experience.
Good luck bro you got this 💯