We separated about a month ago, due to a lot of little things compiling. One thing that has been eating away at me is while she says she wants to work things out, I don’t think I can trust her. Back in April when I traveled out of town to visit family for birthdays, she went out with her girl friend who was celebrating her birthday, and they got drunk. The story she tells me is that these two guys offered to take them to their hotel, but the girls wanted food first so they went to a diner with these fellas, then after the diner went back to the hotel where one of the girls invited the guys in for drinks and to play truth or dare. Allegedly nothing happened during the game, and then my wife got up to get ready for bed; she went into the bathroom and changed, took off her makeup, and then when she had laid down under the cover , supposedly one of the guys climbed on top of her and kissed her neck. She rolled away and he kissed the other side, then she pulled the covers up and he stopped. Allegedly. I have no evidence to suggest otherwise, or that anything more happened. All I know is what she told me and that she had hickies on both sides of her neck (she doesn’t let me do that). When I got home, we made love (which we haven’t done in a while) then she told me what happened. I felt sick. Like she had used me to “reclaim” her or restore her loyalty. She swears she didn’t cheat, and that it wasn’t consensual, and that that was all that happened. But she still hangs out with the friend who put her in this situation and who didn’t stand up for her when this was happening. I don’t trust it. My gut says something’s off. And it’s been like this for 4 months now. What now?
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That sounds extremely shady and like trickle truthing. I don’t believe that story. She had to tell you something because of the hickies.
She can swear she did nothing wrong and did not cheat but it all boils down to you don’t trust her & I wouldn’t either. Of course she at least slept in a bed with a random dude who supposedly only kissed her neck the bets are on I bet he did more than that and if your wife was drunk who knows how far it went. Somethings off alright trust your gut. File for divorce. Bottom line is she was in bed with that guy and that should be a deal breaker. She didn’t even get her own room.
Speak to an attorney the sooner you divorce the sooner both of you can move on but tell her its over.
SA is u fortunately very common also when women talk to someone about it & they overreact they shut down & say nothing else happened when it could have done.
If yous were seperated however & she did have consensual sex with 50 guys she wouldnt have any reason to feel guilty anyways if yous werent together she was single.
Pretend you scheduled a polygraph test. Nerves will get the best of her and confess to all the details if they’re there. That is if she is willing to do anything to prove her innocence.
You could also have her text her friend with no heads up “I think I’m just gonna tell “your name” everything. It’s eating away at me” . If there’s more the friends answer will give it away.
The sex was so that if she got pregnant from the previous night, she would have an out. How long had it been since you had intercourse prior? She is lying to you.
What happened in the hotel doesn’t matter. The fact she went to the hotel with two guys and stayed the night with them is enough to end it.
Just file for divorce . She wanted to and fucked someone the first time you went out of town. Her friend is shitty for even putting her in this position. Divorce and move on. IMO she is using this as an excuse for her cheating, and being in a bed with some random guy. If it was sexual assault she needs to file the police report and show it to you. Until that happens tell her you are done.
Divorce
The only thing she says happened is the only thing she couldn’t hide(hickies). Extremely low chance she didn’t do more.
Can relationships survive infidelity? Yes. But it’s very hard and requires all participants to be all in to repairing the relationship.
If she’s not being completely honest and answering your questions, then she’s not all in.
At 27 years old, why the heck was she going to a hotel room instead of home after a night out with a friend? Why share a bed with anyone at all?
If she’s not going to put you first, she’s not all in.
Only you can decide if you’re willing to try to work past this, and you reserve the right to change any yes I will to no I won’t.
Yeah, dude, I’d say just end it with her from the fact that she went to a hotel with these two guys that she had no clue who they were and stayed the night in that hotel with them. She doesn’t deserve a second chance, it doesn’t matter if she said nothing else happened, and nothing else has to happen for her to be an asshole for that. She’s an asshole and not a good partner for going to dinner with those two fellows with her friends, which, in fact, she didn’t know those two dudes, and the fact that she slept with them in a hotel, and the fact that the guy kissed her. End it with her.
She chose to go back to the hotel room of some random guys she picked up from a bar. She chose to stay the night in that hotel room with these guys. She then sat on those decisions until you came home and she was able to soften you up with good sex. Chances are very good she’d have simply not told you about any of it if there wasn’t evidence of her poor decision making all over her neck.
Then you dropped this little gem
>we made love (which we haven’t done in a while)
That is why you think she had an ulterior motive and something shady is going on. People don’t just stop having sex. People stop having sex because they aren’t sexually attracted to their partner or because there is something mentally or physically wrong. If your wife is the one who has been turning you down, that’s a bad sign. I’d go through the Cheater 101 checklist to see if she’s exhibiting anything other than dead bedroom.
I’ve never gone out, gotten drunk, and invited a couple of guys back to a hotel for a game of truth or dare. That alone is at the very least an intention to cheat right there…