I have ongoing issues with anxiety and panic attacks but over the years I’ve managed to just live with it. I work, help raise our 6month old daughter and live a pretty decent life but the panic attacks are horrible even if I’ve learnt to hide them.
Yesterday I had my first panic attack in about 6 weeks and something just flipped in me where I lost all my fight. Once I calmed down I went into the shower, sat under the hot water and started crying.
I thought my wife was busy so I got caught off guard when she walked in and found me crying on the floor of the shower.
She looked surprised but then just took her clothes off, sat next to me under the water and I cried on her shoulder for about 5min before I felt better and we started talking.
The thing is I’ve never been caught in such vulnerable position before and even though we are married I still feel embarrassed about it and I really just hope it hasn’t changed her feelings towards me in any negative way.
I can tell it’s had an impact as she’s been extremely gentle on me and had been babying me ever since which is obviously very kind of her. But I also don’t want her to see me as incapable.
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personally, i dont think theres anything wrong with men crying. my (19f) bf (19m) struggles with severe depression and has cried in front of me and its never put me off or anything, being vulnerable with your partner should be normal
It’s really beautiful you shared a moment of vulnerability together.
I don’t think it means she’s viewing you as incapable, but maybe recognizing you’re human and had a moment of struggle (as we all do.)
Hugs 🩷🫶🏻
For me, if a guy cries in front of me, it just shows he trusts me and feels safe enough to be vulnerable. It actually makes me feel good knowing he feels emotionally safe with me. It doesn’t make him less of a man.
I thought your wife was acting indifferently afterwards. You’re having an intimate relationship emotionally. Learn to accept that.
Please don’t be ashamed of your experience. Your wife sounds very understanding and loving. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide your emotions from your wife.
The society has done men wrong but I assure you, the right woman wouldn’t think any less of you. Being vulnerable has nothing to do with masculinity, I believe that it makes the connection in a couple even stronger. Everyone should be honest and express themselves without any hesitation.
OP, it’s ok. It’s really ok. Your wife’s feelings for you haven’t changed in a negative way. She is probably worried about you and wants to comfort you (because she loves you).
I am a woman, I’m of course not speaking on behalf of all women, but I do think that women feel especially close to men who show their emotions in front of us. It’s a very intimate and personal thing that I think many women, myself included, understand as a form of trust that is very meaningful. Please don’t hide your feelings from your wife. Let her in. Let her be close to you. Tell her what is going on and let her be a source of comfort and strength for you if you are having a panic attack, even if that means just sitting in the shower with you. She’s your wife. It’s really ok, I promise.
Nope we definitely do not mind.
Also, don’t try to internalise a panic attack. It takes a big toll on you.
I don’t think she was put off based on her reaction
You are human and you are allowed to cry. Coming from a woman, it hurts me to see men bottle up their feelings because society told them to man up. Thats not healthy at all. If your wife is a decent human being, she will absolutely understand.
Nope, not put off, especially if you’re my husband. If anything it shows bravery in being vulnerable.
No we do not mind
Ngl from the title I thought this was gonna be that you cried (normal) and your wife judged or ridiculed you (not normal), but… wow… Um get therapy? Hiding panic attacks doesn’t mean you’re not having them. Nor does it mean you’re actually taking care of yourself. Your wife sounds very loving and empathetic— you’re embarrassed to express yourself around her? She’s your WIFE. You are not meant to go it alone once you’re married, at least not if you’re enlightened living in the year 2025.
This speaks of a history of abuse or trauma? Please get some help for yourself and maybe also marriage counseling so your wife can know how to support you.
My safest space, and the one place that I feel that I am able to release all of my emotions, is into my girlfriend’s chest when she’s cuddling me in comfort.
I’ve struggled a lot with anxiety and depression throughout the years, and my girlfriend would rather that I open up and release everything than bottle it all up.
A wife/girlfriend who truly loves her partner, will always wants to be there to show you love and support, and not judgement.
Im just grateful they trust me and I can be there for them ♥️♥️♥️ your wife sounds so wonderful, lovely and supportive ♥️
I teared up reading this. Your wife handled it well. You have a good relationship.
Crying is healthy and normal. No problems for me at all. I would personally feel closer to someone who opened up to me in this way.
You’re allowed to feel your feelings, my dude. Anyone that sees a moment like this as painting you “incapable” is a freaking monster. Also, hang on to this woman. She’s a keeper.
If you can’t be vulnerable with your wife, who can you be vulnerable with?
She took it in stride and was there for you. And probably felt grateful that you trusted her enough to be strong for you.
No ick. My partner is hurting and trusts me enough to be vulnerable. The only time I’d get the ick is if its some type of manipulative crying/ or constant victim crying without doing anything for improvement
Ya don’t do that. The men crying question will never get a genuine black and white answer anymore than the size mattering question for obvious reasons most notably because it isn’t back and white.. preferences.. people are all different yada yada yada.. there is an objective truth to the matter but it’s buried under soooo sooo sooo much… Shit… Anyways it’s better to assume… because… Every woman has a board of directors who have a huge influence on your relationship that you shouldn’t cry in front of her.. because just like that board of directors know exactly how big your penis is… They know about that crying episode you had.. and just because your girl was receptive to that crying episode doesn’t mean one of those board of directors won’t make it so palatable to her.
Personally, I’d be grateful to understand better what’s going on with my husband if something like that was getting to him instead of having him bottle it up away from me.
Besides, when you really love someone, you don’t have to question whether you can be your authentic self.
Nothing he could do would make me see him as incapable. Partners lift each other up.
I’d encourage you to keep letting her in and stop dwelling on the embarrassment. Permission to let that stress go.
Generally speaking? Yes. I find it to be one of the most irritating and unsexy things, I’m not sure why.
With my husband? Absolutely not.
She’s worried, and that’s ok.
Yes as a dude who’s cried in front of a woman this will absolutely be brought up down the road. No other way around d it
Except she’s one of a kind, your absolute soul mate and not a feminist, you’ll regret ever making her see you cry. But if she’s one of the above, you’re safe and count yourself one of the luckiest men on earth.
Vulnerability is the greatest form of intimacy!
Not at all. You’re human. Humans have emotions no matter the gender.
There’s always a time and place. A 20 year old dude crying infront of his random college/bar hookup is different than a fully matured man crying infront of his wife.
Your wife had an amazing reaction. You should be able to talk to her without fear of her looking at you differently based on her actions.
Good woman don’t. When my husband cried around me, I was honoured that he trusted me enough to be vulnerable.
If you are already married to this person and you can’t even cry under huge distress in their presence are you even comfortable enough with each other to be married
Anybody who disparages a man for crying is an absolute cunt.
Seriously. Men are allowed to be human. ALL humans are allowed to be human. ✌️♥️
My husband very rarely cries, he only cries in very extreme situations. Seeing him cry absolutely shatters my heart, at these times I wish I could rip the pain off his heart with my bare hands. Since I can’t do that, I just hug him tight, listen to him and give him lots of love until he’s better.
Your wife may have felt the same. She wasn’t put off or anything. She just cares about you and wants to see you feeling better.
Being there for someone in these situations, doing your best to heal them, that’s true love. Your wife loves you deeply. Don’t worry about crying in front of her.
Crying is a normal emotion, why would your wife of all people be put off by it? Everyone struggles at some point, it’s what makes you human and not a robot.
It can be jarring which may be why an initial reaction from them can seem or be assumed to have been off-putting. In my experience, the only time I saw a man in my family cry growing up was during the most devastating event in his life. Just because it wasn’t “normalized” before does not mean that it shouldn’t be or that it is off-putting.
The first time I saw my long-term boyfriend cry I was shocked but I did the same thing. I sat down and held him and listened. It’s not off-putting. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s moving to see someone you love with your whole heart feel and release their emotions. I think that day was the day I felt most like we had each other’s back through anything. It felt human and raw and real to even be there for them during a bad moment.
Crying while someone else is present is a gift. It’s a shared way to express something vulnerable that words cannot. There is a reason our bodies do it and I think that crying is rooted in many things, but I also feel it’s a way for our body to truly release and heal. We do it when we are happy, sad, frustrated, stressed, hurt, mourning, etc. it’s like the AZ5 button and seeing my former partner cry generated such a deep response in me. Respect, love, admiration, and a need to comfort and understand.
I hope you feel that you can be vulnerable with the person you love and trust. Not only is it important for your health, it’s also human and expressive. I hope you feel accepted at your most vulnerable. That’s where we find our strength. The “it takes a village” phrase is true. No one can do it all alone.
Never.
I have been with my husband for 21 years, I promise you, let her in. Let her see your stress and what you are going through. Who you are inside. She loves you. It isn’t shameful. She didn’t run away. She got into the shower and held you. She doesn’t think less of you, just that you are human too. Men need to have emotional release just as much as women. Men need to know their wives are there for them, too. It’s an emotional give and take.
Honestly, I love seeing men’s vulnerable sides, it makes me love them even more. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
No she is your partner. If you can’t cry infront of them. Then with who. I’m jealous of your relationship. I never fried in front of my husband because he doesn’t care.
I don’t mind at all if my husband cries in front of me, it shows that he trusts me enough to be vulnerable with me. Everyone should be allowed to show their emotions and it doesn’t make you guys any less of a man.
Your wife is the person you should feel safest with when you’re in a vulnerable state and the same for her. When my husband unexpectedly lost his father after going months without speaking to him due to an argument he leaned into me for support. At that point I had never seen a man cry so deeply before. It made me feel
closer to my husband than ever. It actually made our marriage stronger.