We live in Florida but fairly far from the coast. We often go to the beach for day trips or weekend visits as we love just soaking up the sun and sea. When we first started dating, five years ago, I mentioned that I would look forward to retiring on the west coast. She said that she regretted not having moved there already and wanted to move there as soon as she could. Our jobs no longer keep us tied to any location and so a potential move has now become a big issue for us.
From her point of view, she wants to move now, and we just had a rather heated discussion about this issue. She has stated that she wants to be a short 15-minute drive to the beach so we can take in the sunsets often. Last year the west coast got hit by two storms that did a lot of damage. After the storms we spent time on the west coast and viewed the destruction. Many places that we frequented were gone/closed and sand was piled up for miles over roadways. A friend’s beautiful home on an inlet waterway was so badly damaged that they ended up selling for many hundreds of thousands if not a million less than they might have gotten prior to the storms.
I have accepted that each and every July, I’d dread the end of summer when the storms seem to be at their worst. Both September and October have become hyperactive as far as hurricanes go. I’m also deeply troubled by not only the cost of insurance, but the fact that if I ever have to make a claim, there’s a significant risk that the insurance company isn’t going to live up to their side of the bargain.
We are truly at an impasse. I even told her that I’d move anywhere in the state, but I’m not comfortable being that close to serious damage that could destroy our home. I appreciate your thoughts on this topic.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If you’re choosing to live in a place where hurricanes happen with some regularity, those are the risks you are going to have to take. How far inland do you want to be? How much less hurricane risk is there?
Also, sunsets happen in places that aren’t the beach.
Where in the West Coast? We live in coastal Southern California. Wherever you consider, make sure that you are prepared financially.
Check out the difference in property insurance by proce and availability
I agree with your wife, why even live in FL if you’re not close to the beach.
Would you guys be willing to move somewhere 30-45 minutes from the beach?
I live a 45 minute drive to the beach and get the occasional hurricane flooding and storms, but miss all the direct damage.
Are there any other large difference of opinion that you could use as a compromise on? One of you decides where to live and the other gets to then decide X?
If not, there’s not much that can be done here. One of you will have to compromise and will possibly end up resentful, or you just choose not to live together and stay in separate places.
The argument is because you’re stuck on Florida. Just don’t be in Florida then, is that an option? Coastal cities in florida and the gulf are almost guaranteed to get hit at some point. But you stated that location could literally be anywhere. So maybe move out of the MOST HURRICANE PRONE STATE IN THE COUNTRY? There are coastal cities all over, and they aren’t all prone to hurricanes and a nasty storm season. There is NO UNIVERSE where I would put up with living with Florida humidity and heat and then NOT be near the beach? What is the point? I get your concerns, and the cost of insurance (and availability) are real valid concerns. I would consider moving to another state for that reason.
If you’re not near the beach, living in Florida is kind of pointless IMO
I’m in a coastal city along the new jersey coast. (I want seasons). I’m less than 10 minutes to the bay, 15-20 minutes to an ocean beach. I could ride a bike there if I want. But, I am not in a flood zone. I can get to philly in under an hour and NYC in under 2. Airports and transportation abound. Our area gets hurricanes VERY rarely. My townhouse is over 30 years old and there’s never been hurricane damage to any unit in the entire complex in those 30 years. Inluding Sandy, which decimated the waterfront homes around here. There are coastal cities all up and down the east coast that fit your criteria. Florida/the Gulf states are literally the worst places to be for your concerns. If you have to stay in Florida, maybe go further north on the east coast of florida where they get hit a little less, like near the Georgia border.
I mean just speaking east coast, you have everything from Maryland to Virginia to Charleston to Savannah where your chances of hurricane damage is not zero, but significantly less – if you’re willing to relocate so that you can both be happier.
What about a different state? Not all states have hurricanes or as often. You could go to Oregon, Washington, California. Georgia, South Carolina or North Carolina and still be able to enjoy the beach but not have as high of a risk as you would in Florida.
Start looking into homes that meet her criteria.
Pick 3 – 5 that she likes.
Tell her this is not an effort to actually make an offer on a house, this is the two of you looking into what those criteria are going what to mean for the two of you financially.
You’re not going to tour them, you are just making a list, and looking into the total financial picture.
After you’ve got all of the basic information on the normal expenditures for these homes –
Now look at the cost of homeowner’s insurance for those locations.
Be sure to ask whether that insurance covers flood damage – most do not, and that is the major danger and cost in the situation you are concerned about.
Then look into whether the specific homes she is looking at are eligible for flood insurance offered through the National Flood Insurance Program administered by FEMA, and the additional cost of that – if available.
Right now you’re having an emotional argument.
Get the facts and the financials, and after you have that data on at least 4 or 5 homes that she would consider to meet her criteria, the two of you will have a better place to make your decisions from.
Maybe she will come to realize that these are not good financial choices.
Maybe you will realize that having done your due diligence, what she wants is not outside the realm of reasonable.
Facts over feelings.
Could you build a storm proof house? Or get a fancy mobile home and get two plots of land (one near the coast and one further inland)? Basically explore all the options before discounting the coast as too risky; the drive will feel longer every time she does it and will get aggravating if the risk doesn’t materialise
I feel for you, having this impasse. We live 3 hours from the NC coast, also love the beach, and rent an oceanfront place often.
Unlike your wife, we have long-held shared beliefs that the risks of buying a home there just aren’t worth it. Our current next door neighbors just sold their coastal home and moved inland because they were tired of incurring repeated high costs of damage.
And it’s getting worse…and then last year Helene devastated Western NC, 3 hours west of us. So we’ll continue to content ourselves with renting, both in the mountains and at the beach. Good luck to you.
So you actually both want the same thing and your only concern is hurricane risk. Can’t you just move to literally anywhere other than Florida?
There are a lot of options on the west coast in lower risk flood zones (even less risk if you get a 2nd floor condo), you compromise should be to look in those locations. Research the flood maps, account for a backup generator (solar if you’re in a condo), and buying only second floor or above should take care of 90% of hurricane issues.
If you can move to another state, figure out where else close to a beach that meets both of your criteria.
Tbh, I got confused when you mentioned the West Coast and started talking about loads of damages. That’s when it dawned on me that you meant the West Coast in relation to Florida and not West Coast of the US.
Since you aren’t nailed down to living in one place, why not consider the west side of the US? You wouldn’t have to worry about hurricane season and still have the benefit of a beach. In addition. If you keep your Eastern hours for work, you can theoretically get more daytime to enjoy the beach before it gets dark.