I’ll start at the beginning. Last year, a co-worker confessed that they had fallen for me. This came as a big surprise to me, I thought that we just got along well at work. I told them I didn’t see them that way and actually that I was surprised as they had been with their partner a long time and I always assumed they were very happy. I told them not to be so silly to jeopardise their happiness doing things like this. I put the whole thing down to a midlife blip, but things were awkward. My boss offered to move me onto some different work, but I thought things would be ok. We’ve never spoken outside of a work setting.
Fast forward to this year, things seemed normal after a long time of me giving some space. We had a work function, I ended up paralytic drunk. The doctor had given me some new meds that I didn’t realise interacted with alcohol, I was out of control. I was falling over drunk, covered in bruises. After the function, this person started telling me they liked me again and apparently at some point I kissed them and invited them back to my room, things I can’t remember. A total mess. Fortunately they declined.
My coworker’s partner had us followed and the whole episode was caught on camera.
Their partner called me, I spoke with them. I told them it was a huge mistake, I didn’t ever have eyes for their partner and that I was sorry. Of course I understand why they are angry, I would be furious too. It turns out they are married. My coworker left the company. Their partner told me they had us followed because they didn’t trust me.
I’ve barely eaten or slept since it happened, I don’t know what to do. I feel like everything is too much for me now. The partner is demanding money from me, I think I’m being blackmailed. I don’t have money to pay them. I know that I shouldn’t have lost control of myself like this, it was very out of character. I don’t know how to cope or what to do. I know my behaviour was very wrong, but I can’t take it back and I can’t put it right. I can’t forgive myself for being involved in the breakdown of their relationship. I’m disgusted with myself.
How do I get through this?
Comments
for future advice don’t mix meds and alcohol save yourself the embarrassment of acting like that in front of coworkers, other than that there’s nothing you can do. Damage is already done
Call the police.
Fill out a report and then let the police deal with these charming people.
On what grounds is she possibly asking you for money?
I mean – I believed this until the blackmail part so I’ll humor you. It happened. It’s over. It was a mistake. Now you know not to mix meds w alcohol. Apologize and forget about it.
$ for what end? The partner didn’t not trust YOU enough to hire a PI, but had enough distrust in their own right to do so. There’s nothing to continue to guilt & shame yourself over- learn from the experience re:drinking in general @work events is never a good idea, drinking + meds in an event may find you in life threatening situations. Carry on with your life/employment/personal growth, knowing that we all make some choices that aren’t the best & have no further contact w/either of the other couple. Blackmail/extortion type offenses are federal, any other $ requests do not directly respond- simply forward correspondence to appropriate Agencies & let them respond.
What do they want money for? Just ignore them
I 100% agree with User10232023 you really just need to go to your local police department and show the police all of those messages/blackmail demands.
If all accounts are truthful (this story feels modified, as most are) then own your mistake and move on.
Don’t pay anyone any money, apologize but not excessively. Everyone screws up badly. Learn from it, accept responsibility, apologize sincerely and be done with it.
Screwing up doesn’t give someone else the right to exploit and abuse you.
I feel like you may be in denial about a potential drinking problem. Then medication interaction excuse is a classic alcoholic apology.
This is only a guess, I mean no offense.
You were drunk beyond control due to medication, and your coworker took advantage of that vulnerability by confessing feelings again. Their partner’s blackmail is unacceptable. You already apologized; now prioritize your mental health. Seek legal advice if threats continue, and forgive yourself—this wasn’t intentional betrayal.
First of all, DO NOT give anyone money. That would be insane and illegal. She can’t blackmail you: tell her if she tries again, you’ll just call the police. You didn’t break any damn laws–but she did! The coworker might get you fired, but that’s the end of it–and at this stage maybe leave this job yourself anyway and block all these people. The married coworker was an asshole from day one here, confessing to you, kissing you when you were obviously blind drunk, etc. Also, they may be lying about what happened: did you see or hear this video? Tell them to fuck off, and block them. Then consider a fresh start in another job.
Move on, you can’t change the past. You’ve apologized and can do no more. Oh, and f*ck no, don’t give them $.
Remind yourself everyone makes mistakes and don’t make this one again.
If you have had issues with alcohol in the past, this is your sign to quit drinking, because these things will keep happening.
Forgive yourself, promise yourself you’ll do better, and you will be fine. It sounds like these people are the assholes, not you. You did something crappy, but it’s not that bad. You don’t deserve to be blackmailed because of it!
Own the consequences of your mistake, you should learn how to cope, what you did is already done, and you cannot change it, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never change it, but you don’t deserve to die either, you’d just keep moving forward and learn from this, understand that whatever decision you made in the past is already done, but if you keep thinking about the past you’ll never be able to do better in the future. As fir the blackmail, I am pretty sure that you could call the police. Good luck 👍
What about him telling you previously about liking you and you declined and your boss must have know because they were going to give you a different assignment?! He started it long before that night. If he was any kind of decent person and knew you didn’t normally behave that way he could have called you a cab or had someone else help you to your room.
Sounds kinda squirrelly to me! Why on earth would their partner all of a sudden need to have you followed and bingo their partner is with you? Seems the partner was the one under surveillance because you’re probably not the first victim in this scene.
Go to the cops.