I recently made the hardest decision of my life to leave my partner of 6 years. I finally realized the terrifying escalation of violence that was happening before my eyes. From verbal assaults to throwing me across rooms and punching/choking me.
For so long I made excuses and minimized the abuse. I believed him when he told me I deserved everything, that I was lucky to “have it as good as I do”. That nobody would want someone broken like me. My abuser used the insecurities I confided in him to manipulate me. I was vividly aware the next assault may end with me dead.
I even told him one day I was done and wanted to leave. He sped up the car, swerved into oncoming traffic and told me that’s fine he’ll just kill us both then. I begged and apologized for hours before he let me out of the car. Finally I realized he didn’t love me he wanted me as a possession dead or alive.
I spent weeks planning and finally managed to escape my abuser. I left everything I owned behind to get away alive. I reported everything to the authorities and they are pursuing charges.
I’m want to share with you not every moment in a DV relationship is bad, that is what makes leaving so hard. Victims desperately seek out the “good times” to prove to yourself you should stay and it is love. But victims in the same breath end up minimizing and ignoring the red flags. Abusers use just enough kindness to manipulate our brains into believing things aren’t that bad, we must be exaggerating. We aren’t!
We want to see the best in someone and that’s why people stay so long, hoping love can change that person. Love won’t change them. You won’t change them. You deserve love and a healthy relationship. Don’t stop searching for that. Choose yourself before it’s too late.
Comments
You have done the right thing in leaving the relationship. I wish you the best for the future.
You are incredibly brave and I’m glad you were able to leave! What is your support system like? I hope you are taking care of yourself ❤️
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👏👏
Good for you, for having the strength to do what you did. You’re incredible, and are going to lead an amazing life moving forward.
I’m just some random stranger but I’m so proud of you and I’m happy you’re safe now. I wish you a wonderful future surrounded by people who love you ❤️
What was the hardest part of getting away from him?
I have no questions.. just want to say you are amazing and thank you for putting yourself and your well being first. I pray that you use your testimony to help other women 🙏🏼
I hope you don’t take this as sounding patronizing because it’s meant with all the love in the world- I am SO PROUD OF YOU! Congratulations on saving your life and choosing yourself – escaping from this monster. There may be difficult times ahead, where the good time memories creep back in. Please cling to this strength you have found and remember no amount of good times will ever outweigh the abuse this individual has dared dole out on you, much less the loss of your life! So happy you made it home alive, thank you for sharing. Here’s to the beginning of the rest of your life 💕
If you could get yourself something as a treat to reward yourself for leaving what would it be?
Wishing you the best. I admire your courage.
No question, Just wanted to say you should be extremely proud of yourself. Blue skies ahead.
The legal part against him is the last hurdle before your freedom. Take all necessary precautions to stay safe.
Congrats
I have no questions, but just wanted to congratulate you for doing what’s best for you. I grew up in a household of domestic violence and abuse. I’m happy you made the right choice. Make sure you’re protected and have a support group. And be prepared for any retaliation. The first step was taken, but the fight most likely hasn’t stopped. Be safe mate, please give an update sole tike soon. Nothing worse than a psychotic ex, they’re predictable but ruthless. Good vibes your way.
Are you far enough away from him that he cannot find you? Are you somewhere with cameras and weapons? He sounds like someone who doesn’t think they have anything to lose and his desperation is only going to get worse now. Should he come looking for you, I hope you are not findable at all and adequately protected in the off chance that you see him. Major kudos to you for getting out. You can replace everything you left behind but YOU are not replaceable. I wish you the best of everything in the future.
You are so so brave and amazing. I wish you all the best and more for your future.
Another internet stranger saying how proud I am of you and I wish the best for you in the future. Hugs and good vibes from Scotland
I’m so proud of you! Your life is way to important and you need to know your worth! You got this girlie.
Love is not supposed to hurt! 😍
Your post brought me to tears. You are strong!!!! You got this KeepPressingOn!!!!! ❤️❤️
I’m so happy to hear that you have escaped that life. I was in a similar situation and know how hard it is to get out. In the end the police made the decision for me so I got lucky.
My humble advice is never look back. Approach each day with optimism and a positive outlook and slowly but surely good things will happen for you. Before you know it that life will be so foreign to you that you might even find it hard to believe that you had lived it.
You may never forget those years but don’t let them ever affect how you want to live now.
Good luck, you’ve got a wonderful life ahead of you.
No question. Just want to see well done. It’s not easy what you’ve done. Sending love and light. 🌈
I’m so glad you’re home! Relish that relief, you’ve had a long hard road and you deserve to rest and recover your strength. You’ve already come so far! Sending you my love. Sincerely, a stranger who wishes you the happiest possible future!
You’re a total badass, I’m so relieved for you. Are there any activities you weren’t “allowed” to do before that you’re excited to get back to, like parts of yourself you can now reclaim?
(P.S. Just gotta add, because I’ve seen this over and over again with loved ones, I know there is a huge pull and risk to going back, abusers are good at keeping their hooks in and taking advantage of the guilt and shame they give you. So I wanna repeat: that shame is NOT yours, no matter what he says in your mind or IRL in the future).
Just want to wish you all the best and good job getting away from that pos. Stay safe and healthy
i’m so glad you got away. i hope you can stay safe and rest now. wishing you comfort
Just want to say I’m so fucking proud of you, that takes a lot of courage to do. I hope your future is so much brighter and happier because you deserve it, don’t ever forget it ❤️
When in the relationship did you see your first red flags? Did your family and friends know what was going on? Did anyone not like him right off the bat?
Glad you got out. NEVER ever go back.
OP, I don’t want to ask anything. Just want to send you a hug and hope that you are safe. I’m happy you got away!
What were the early red flags emotionally? When did you start noticing he was trying to erode your sense of self?
Oh my heart hurts for you. I understand everything you’re going through and I’m happy you were brave enough to go to the police.. I was too afraid and he ended up assaulting another woman. You did the right thing putting a stop to it. I’m so sorry for all the trauma you will endure from him doing that to you. It WILL get easier! You seem to have support in your life and that’s awesome! Please go to therapy it really helps!
I don’t have any questions, I just wanted to say this. I’ve been in abusive relationships so I know how they are. I’m so proud of you for having the strength and courage to leave.
No questions, but just wanted to say, you did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit!! YOU DID THAT. Happy for you and best of luck to your future.
Damnnnnnn Damnnnnnn
I always asked myself why women do this to themselves , by doing I mean allow something like this to happen I witnessed on my own eyes same thing happening over and over with different people but same story, when I will have women I will take care of her as much as I can and give love she deserves
Contact police and ask for protection!