My uncle passed away a few weeks ago. I didn’t know him too well and only saw him twice. But during those two visits I made memories ill never forget, although none were with him directly, he gave us all opportunity to create them by inviting the whole family to his home and making the best buffets (although everyone knows it was all his wife’s work)
Today was his funeral, and in the days before all I could think about is that I’ve never been to one before and what to wear etc..! And in this overthinking i eventually came to the decision I wouldn’t go as I was so nervous. I dont go out for family gatherings much anyways so that definitely made the decision easier
Now the funeral has passed and even though I didn’t know him well seeing photos of him back in the day flooded back in all the memories I made at there home.
Granted I still don’t know what I’m meant to do there or if I even had anything to wear if I did decide to go but I just feel so guilty that I wasn’t there to pay my respects to someone who seemed so funny and kindhearted.
Comments
In my opinion you shouldn’t feel bad it’s not like you have ill intentions towards him. I’ve had multiple friends pass away and I’m at the point where funerals are just too much for me to handle mentally
Sounds like you need to start staying out of your own way/head, and just go with the flow. I used to be a huge overthinking person, but I’ve been able to manage my way around it. I heard a saying from a family member(my uncle), and I used to for the rest of my life. It still sits on my bathroom mirror to read at the start of each day, and the end of every night.
“You are now looking at the problem, and the solution to the problem”
I hope you find value in this as well, but don’t beat yourself up over not attending.
life is for the living, not the dead.
Funerals are for the living to say goodbye but you don’t have to be there to say goodbye yourself. Sit & have a quite 5 minutes think about those memory’s you mentioned & say goodbye that way (release guilt).
How do you expect to know how to get past going to funerals if you keep avoiding them? They will be there your entire life.
It’s very sad that you couldn’t be a grown up and just go. Ask your elders the dress code next time and go.
No one likes funerals, for starters. They’re also not horrible things and some have laughs remembering the deceased.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve missed funerals of people I’ve known, love and everything in between for various reasons. I’ve learned to embrace the guilt of missing their celebrations in a positive way. I’m feeling the guilt for a reason – why is that? I try to explore my thoughts and emotions, I try to understand.
If I reach a conclusion or not, I take those thoughts and emotions to honour the dead in my own, private way.
You are writing about it here. It could be part of your process. I wish you well.