Hi everyone. A little about me… I’m 35, soon to be 36, and I feel really low. I don’t have mental health struggles or anything, but I feel in a general sense of malaise about myself. I’m not happy with my physical appearance, this is the most out of shape I’ve ever been. I’m in a job, a very good job, but don’t feel fulfilled with it. I recently just got out of a one year relationship which I’m not overly bothered about as I never saw it going anywhere.
I was born and raised in Canada but moved to England five years ago. I have made the best group of friends imaginable. Everybody looking on the outside looking in at me would think I’m fine, but I don’t feel fine. My self esteem is probably at all time low. I just have no motivation to do anything. Is this just me? Is this a common sensation with single guys in their mid 30s?
I own my house, drive a nice car, I live a good life. I don’t know why I feel the way I do.
Any input or advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks guys.
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I think you should be fair to yourself and acknowledge that this is a mental health issue. Depression isn’t always the severe, suicidal, unable to eat or function sadness. Very often it covers what you’ve described, a general sense of apathy/unhappiness and lack of motivation in life. It’s definitely common, at least in my experience, but I wouldn’t say it’s specific to your 30s.
Have you considered therapy? It can offer new perspectives and ways to process your life that might help you find what you feel is missing.
It could be your food and lack of exercise, It has a major impact on how you feel and look! Do you have any life goals? Sounds like you crushed quite some things
I was like you or quite similar.
I cut down on sugar in my diet
Stopped drinking any alcohol
Stopped smoking
Stopped wanking
Deleted social media
7 months down the line I’m feeling the best I’ve ever, I’m the fitest I’ve ever been and have some aims I’m working towards achieving. My mind is sharp AF.
Why not work on your diet and exercise? If you make good money maybe spend some of it to help with cleaning up your diet and find some exercise or sport that you can be consistent in. If you got out of a relationship and don’t feel good about your appearance, your self esteem can suffer. It’s normal. Obviously exercise
You have strong social ties and a good career, own a home, which unlike diet and exercise, can’t be changed overnight which puts you ahead of most mid-lifers.
Start jogging. Set a pair of shorts and a T-shirt on the dresser or whatever the night before, when you get home from work you change immediately, put on running shoes, and jog. Regulate your breathing, 4 steps of the feet intake through the nose, 4 stepping feet for outlet of breath out your mouth. Left(intake) right left right, left(outlet) right left right. This is the military way. When you get winded, try to push yourself further, you will naturally get better, go further without having to walk to catch your breath, you can also increase oxygen content in your blood by briefly switching to every 3 steps breathing. In two three, out two three. Try to eat well, sleep well, and cut down on screen time. Read. Take up playing music instrument, watch the sunrise each morning. So that as it is setting, you will always remember that it will rise again.
“I just have no motivation to do anything. Is this just me? Is this a common sensation with single guys in their mid 30s?”
Sigh…
Fix your sleep. Improve your diet. Start exercising routinely. In that order.
It’s really difficult to make changes in your life when you’re out of shape, have no energy and your health is in the shitter.
Once you’ve made progress in improving your health, start setting some goals to work on. It’s hard to feel fulfilled in life if you’re not making progress towards something and stagnating in a comfort zone. Set goals to learn new skills, challenge yourself mentally/physically, to have new experiences and help other people.
Go do something hard. Join a boxing or bjj gym Go on a backpacking trip something
Hello. You say you’re out of shape. Only you can change your shape. Start today. Don’t wait. Keep consistent and you’ll never look back. It will lift your mood and confidence in no time.
Yeah. This is called depression. See a doctor and try medication and therapy. Add excercise if you want to feel really good. Sorry but that’s how it is. Get to work.
Could be testosterone falling. Get it checked?
Could be that you’re out of shape. Go for walks outside.
Could be a lack of sunshine. You need to take vitamin D to boost it.
Outside of that, go do hard things and generate a sense of pride for yourself.
Broski. It does sound like you have a lot going on. I do understand that you don’t have mental struggles as you put it and you also said that your self-esteem is at an all time low I mean generally you don’t feel like you wanna do anything. Also part of it as you own your home and try have a nice car.
I won’t tell you if I think you need to go to therapy or if you are under minding mental health.
I will tell you something needs to change. You haven’t felt this way always. You know yourself better than anyone and you haven’t always felt this way so again something needs to change.
For myself at 35 the start of a 5 year divorce hit me it the face out of know where. I gained and lost 50 pounds twice in that 5 years. Lost interest in the things I love to do. I work for myself and more work and more $ still didn’t do it.
I took a few weeks off work. Bought a cell phone just a few people knew the number too. And disappeared away from lights cell phones cars. Bla bla bla. I found what it is I needed to do.
I would highly suggest take some time to yourself pen paper and start to figure it out.
For me again. I could not get an understanding of a few things. I went to a therapist a few times for help fucking solid idea for me.
I think having a job that is unfulfilling makes it almost impossible to enjoy life tbh. I wish you nothing but success
Take a trip somewhere
You said you have a nice car but do you have a motorcycle? Buying a bike significantly improves mental health and increases chances of another relationship. Maybe find a hobby you enjoy or get out more to exercise.
I live a good life.
Sounds like you’re living someone else’s definition of a good life, and not the one you want to be. Your good life sounds like you have a lot of nice material possessions but no meaning other than that.
Step outside of yourself for a while. Spend some time volunteering and doing things that will help others, sacrifice some of your material wealth and time with no expectations of a reward.
Do this for a while and you may find you slowly start to feel better mentally and lose some of your pessimism and can begin working out and doing other things. I applaud all of the people saying “Just start exercising” but the reality is if you’re depressed and have no reason to do anything, you will have zero motivation to actually do that.
This also sounds at least partially like the dreaded mid-life crisis and coming to terms with the fact that you’re aging. Very few people look like they’re in their 20’s forever. Your body will change. Metabolism slows down. You’ll have to to work harder to stay fit and accept that being fit doesn’t mean being in perfect shape. You’ll have to remove salt from your diet and eat less junk.
Therapy, anti-depressants, hit the gym, lift some weights 3-5 times a week, and don’t drink or do drugs. 36m also just come out of year relationship. I’ve been a heavy drinker for most of my adult life. Dealt with major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety. Probably healthiest I’ve ever been in body and mind in my adult life.
And you don’t have to be on meds forever, I usually do 6 months if I hit a rough patch in life which has been like 5 times over the past 15 years.
Getting into habit with gym has been the turning point for me. I always say, I go to the gym for my head first, everything else is a bonus.
You’re physically well off but spiritually poor.
Take a solo trip somewhere to somewhere peaceful and do some soul searching.
Sometimes it takes a change of scenery to really know what you want.
Sounds like something you could talk to a psychologist.
It sounds like you’ve maybe reached most of the goals you had set for yourself as a young man, and you’re not on the hunt at this point. Do you have a competitive hobby?