I’m 34, I’m in a relationship, but I’ve been in relationships before and that’s no guarantee that I’ll have children with them.
Can people who have birthed babies after 35 chime in? Or if you know people who have. I’ve wanted children all my life, and since 27 I feel the time running out. I hate feeling like that. I consciously know it can still happen, but it still feels like it might never.
I’m afraid it will never happen to me and I hate living like this.
Comments
What about your current relationship or circumstance makes you afraid it won’t happen?
My mom had me at 41 without any assistance from IVF, etc. I hope you get what you’re hoping for! Being a mom is so hard, but also the biggest joy of my life.
Does the guy want them? That’ll help more than it ‘happening to you’. Plenty of people have kids at this age but the circumstances have to be right too.
My friend had both her kids after 35. They’re both teenagers now.
My mum had given up on kids because she hadn’t met her person. Met Dad, got married at 33, first kid at 35, second at 37 no issues, no intervention needed.
Edit to add: the mans fertility and age also need to be checked/considered. Just because men can keep farthering children as they age, doesn’t mean they should.
I’m in the same boat. Same age. I struggled with wanting kids in previous relationships- I just couldn’t ever find that desire with those people. Then I was with a person I actually wanted to have a child with but they didn’t feel the same. It feels like there will just never be the right time/right person and that makes me sad. I don’t have financial privilege to do IVF, or adopt, or be a single parent by choice. If I were a millionaire, I’d just do that. Working class women don’t get that privilege.
Had my daughter at 40, she was a complete surprise baby. I had several rounds of IVF and IUI, divorced and accepted I’d be child free due to my age. Then out of nowhere got pregnant without even trying and having been told it’d never happen naturally.
Does the other party in your relationship genuinely want children? And not just as a some day yeah it might be nice. But as a genuine priority, and with a specific time frame that aligns with yours. If the answer is no to ANY of this you may need to consider whether you’re compatible.
If the answer is yes to ALL of these that’s the first hurdle. Then the next questions you need to ask yourself are – is this person someone I genuinely want to be tied to for the next 18 years? Are we aligned on how we will raise this child and what our family unit will look like (if you don’t know then you absolutely need to have this discussion). If you answer no to EITHER of these questions. Absolutely DO NOT procreate with this person even if you both want children.
Edited to add – yes it never happening is a risk. However doing it with the wrong person is the bigger risk in my opinion.
You’ll be fine.
You’re doing great…
My grandma (Dad’s mum) had a husband die on her, a new husband killed in the war and finally a husband that didn’t die and she had her one and only kid at 42 in 1947.
A friend set a date ‘if I am not pregnant by xx date, I am going to go and get artificial insemination’ she booked it all had it all planned out ready to go… went to South Africa (from Australia) and conceived a baby solo at 41… she had a boyfriend but he wasn’t ready to commit, so now he is a sort of step dad to her first and they had another at 43yrs.
My sister didn’t have her first child until 39, her second at 42. 🫶🏻
I had my son (spontaneous conception, no assistance whatsoever) at 40, and I’m pregnant again very unexpectedly now at 42.
I was divorced with no kids by 30. Dated mostly one guy in my 30s. Bam, I got pregnant shortly before my 40th birthday. I was gonna get a new Toyota Supra for my midlife crisis during Covid 😂 anyway, she is almost 3.5 years old now. Moral of the story, don’t be fooled by perimenopause, like me. Work on making your life and health optimal. Positive energy attracts positive energy. I’m sending out Baby Dust & Love to all my 30-40+ ladies out there 🧚♀️ ✨️💜🫶
Its like I wrote this post myself because that’s how I feel all the time. It’s never the right moment or will it happen? Will it just pass by? No idea… Hopefully not.
I’m 32 but I’ve wanted children ever since I can remember. Sometimes I feel like I’m living my life based on what I should be doing when all I want is to be a mom.
I hope you have babies and I hope I do too. Hopefully all women who are longing to be mothers get to be one.
I don’t think strangers on the internet can answer this for you – do you think you want to have them with your current relationship? Is this the relationship you want for the rest of your life? If you answer no to either of those questions I’d get out of the relationship as it’s just taking you further away from what you want.
It absolutely still can! Several of my friends are only just now having their first children at age 38/39. Don’t give up hope.
I would recommend you have a conversation with your current partner to see if the timeline aligns. If this is something you want, it is possible!
I’m 34, and decided to be childfree. I’ve also been in relationships before and never been pregnant so I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I’ve always had men tell me (who I’ve been in serious relationships with mind you!) that if I was ever got pregnant that I would need to have an abortion so I knew early on that I was never a woman that men wanted to have kids with (and I don’t know why that is). My advice is to check in with your partner, what do they want – if they are not on the same page make sure early on in the dating process that you’re asking men whether they are interested in starting a family soon.
On the upside, I have had friends who were successful having kids later on in life. One had a partner who changed their mind about having kids, she was able to find a husband in her late 30s and have a child at 39. Another friend and her partner got pregnant unexpectedly at 41 and they only met at age 39! Another friend met her husband on tinder at age 35, and had a child in her late 30s! So there’s definitely time for you but you just need to find the right person.