I have a lot to say about the in laws, but I need some advice on something that has repeatedly happened and I’m silent because I can’t find the right words.
My DH and I are first time parents to our 3 month old. My ILs visit a lot, and my LO is usually fussy when they’re here. LO is rarely fussy because she loves the routine with her dad and I. My FIL holds her like a newborn and she likes to be held upright, but either way after a few seconds of her coos and smiles, she’ll start to fuss. I always talk with her to try and keep her happy with him. My FIL (or MIL, but happens more often with FIL) always says, “oh look, your Mom started talking and now you’re upset. You were so happy with me.” (And a dash of, “don’t you cry with me” but that’s a whole other post). EVERY TIME. What can I say in response to that? He’s talking to my LO but I know he’s really talking to me. My DH usually intervenes and takes the baby, but I want to stand up for myself so it stops happening.
Thank you for any advice or insight!
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Just be honest: “ no she is actually fussing because you were holding her like a newborn when she wants to be held upright so she can see things around her. Please start holding her the way she wishes to be held. She is not fussing because I am speaking to her. She is actually calming down because I am speaking to her.”
Just ignore it. He wants reaction from you but I think you better focus on your LO.
Next time don’t intervene by keeping her happy. As she starts fussing in his arms, stay silent, make eye contact with FIL, and raise your eyebrows. Let her fuss longer. He’ll try one way and another to settle her, and one of two things will happen: he’ll either figure out LO doesn’t want to be held that way, or he’ll hand her off with some excuse.