I need advice on how to talk to her about these things. To preface:
1. We have been dating for over a year and a half and have known each other for about 2 years. She is 21 F and I am 22 M.
2. She goes to a $70k a year school on her parent’s dime and took out a small $20k loan to pay for books, housing, etc. that she is not legally obligated to start paying yet. She is supposed to pay for her groceries and personal expenses.
3. I pay for 95% of all going out, restaurants, activities, groceries, gas, almost all of the furniture in our shared apartment, etc.
4. She is a junior in college with no job and her parents pay her half of the rent (~$900).
5. She took Pilates courses during college that would allow her to make $30-$50 an hour if she took her final test (which she hasn’t yet and has been putting off).
6. She doesn’t have a car, so I do all of the driving.
7. She’s not super confident in the kitchen, so I also do all of the cooking for the two of us.
I love this girl and want things to move forward. But I can’t keep paying for both of our expenses when I only make $65k a year before taxes in an urban city. I’ve told her she needs to get a job, but she’s pretty picky and gets upset when I bring it up. She says she’s been trying, but it’s been three months of since she started her “search” and we’ve gotten no where. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make her feel useless, but I also want to save for my own retirement, savings, and I can’t do that paying for two people to live. Her lack of job and money prevents us from going out which hurts our relationship (she can’t afford to go 50/50 and I can’t afford to pay every time). The lack of parity between how often the two of us contribute to the relationship financially has also been a burden on my mind. I want to find a way to keep this relationship (and keep our lease together) but also get the ball rolling on her job status. Any advice to start talks with her and not sound patronizing would be really appreciated! I don’t want to sound like her dad but I also don’t want to keep funding her indefinitely without her contributing even a little.