I am a 19 years old female will be 20 soon and my bf is 20 years old Male
I was in a 5 year long distance relationship with boyfriend
He was the sweetest guy ever…he used to do things that used to make me feel so special
Like keeping my picture in his wallet
Having his entire gallery dedicated to me
Counting the no. of times i have said I love you to him (crossed 2000)
Like look at his efforts… nd much more
But then we met for the 3rd time … which was in FEBRUARY had great time …tbh we met after 3 years…we both were completely loyal till then
Then last week ie in JULY I find out he’s cheating on me since APRIL….
We started dating in 2019 December
He stayed fucking loyal till 2025 and after 5 years he did this…!!
I FOUND OUT EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW ABOUT THIS…he didn’t tell me any other information other than what I found out.
He installed bumble , brought premium subscription, went to meet a girl ,kissed her.
Now he’s asking me for forgiveness…if I even have 1% hope for him he will dedicate his life to me . And remembering about how he treated me in his past…yeah based of texts only coz we were in long distance…I feel like I should give him a chance…
I know this sounds so stupid..I m so young and at such a vulnerable state … I have no idea what to do …
Please tell me do guys ever change after being loyal for this long then cheating for a short duration and then begging for forgiveness…will they ever be the same again…
Please read this everyone…I really need a lot of support to carry myself through what I am going on
I will never be able to trust anyone….
No matter what a guy does… Now I can never be secure in any future relationship
I will always be scared about it like the way my boyfriend did… I have trust issues on peak now
TL;DR long term relationship breakup advice
Tough situation for a young girl
Comments
Remember, your worth is not defined by a guy’s actions. His betrayal reflects on him, not you. Trusting again takes time, but don’t let this one experience ruin your future relationships. Hang in there!
He is not going to change. That doesn’t mean every man you meet will be like him. I know trust issues are hard to work through, but he didn’t cheat because of you, he didn’t cheat because he’s a man, he cheated because he is a cheater.
If It’s true love then he won’t dare to even look at other girl with that gaze of intimacy. You’re mature enough to take your own decisions and in relationship never ever let other partner know that he is your weakness that’s the things most of guy use against girls to bind them as backup
Long distance is rarely going to end well. The lack of physicality and intimacy can lead to cheating. You’re still young and have to remember that everyone is not this guy. Give yourself time to heal. My advice would be to stay away from this kind of relationship and try dating someone closer to you. Good luck with everything Op. please dumb is ass 👌🏻
Cheaters rarely change and taking that risk is not worth it. You will find someone so dump him.
This wasn’t just a drunken kiss with a colleague or someone at a party, he went out of his way to download a dating app, pay money towards it, pretend he was single while talking to people (likely talking to multiple girls to get to the point of getting a date), then arranged a date, went on it and kissed this other person.
Let his actions be his words. He does not love you, he does not want to be in a long distance relationship anymore. He may have felt guilty in the end and fessed up (or however you found out), and is now feeling like perhaps the grass isn’t greener on the other side, but that doesn’t absolve him from everything that went before. Actions have consequences, he needs to learn this or he will continue focusing his actions around his needs and ignore the impact on you or others.
You are young, I’m sure you could find a man much closer to you that would treat you just as well, if not better!
The annoying thing about relationships is that they are addictive, don’t confuse the feelings of addiction you have for being in that kind of stable relationship to be the feelings for him as an individual – the person you loved wouldn’t have done this to you, so the person that’s in front of you isn’t the person you loved, they were just the image you have of him in your head.
Girl move on, you are young, you don’t know anything…. And literally u think u do, but u got ur whole life ahead of you. Learn and move on!
Here’s what you do:
That’s it. Time will heal the wounds if you put in the work and stick to the 4 points above.
what you do or not do is your own choice. Dont base your lifes future in social media advice. You are allowed to give him a chance, and if you dont want to then you are allowed to as well. If people say you shouldnt give him a chance thats what they’d do! But what do you wanna do? If he does it again its up to him and up to the future.
Girl if he actually went and spent MONEY on bumble…he’s really not worth it. Not only did he actively try to cheat on you by making an account, he put in even more effort to cheat on you by paying for a premium subscription. He had every intention of hurting you, the subscription is the nail in the coffin.
If you take him back after this, he’ll know he can do it again. There is absolutely no reason someone in a relationship should be spending money on a free dating app.
You’re not stupid for considering forgiveness, but you deserve peace, not paranoia. Take time to grieve, process, and put yourself first. Even if you can’t trust someone right now, that doesn’t mean you’ll never love or trust again. One person’s mistake doesn’t define your worth or your future.
Just move on, remember the good times, and chalk it up to experience in the long-term file. He cheated because he’s young and dumb. There’s plenty of men who don’t cheat, but at your age, try having a good time with friends to find out who you are. You don’t need to have a partner to find yourself.
LDRs are difficult for even the most stable and mature people.
You are both too young to be settling down at the moment.
Take this as a sign and think about what steps you could take to find a love interest in your “own zip code”.
It doesn’t mean that your current boyfriend is over forever. Just take the initiative and state that you totally agree that it would be best to take a break and see other people.
Then do it.
Check out “meetup” groups on Meetup.com; you want to be safe, so go to events in very public places with a group of your girlfriends and have an agreement that you went together and will leave together .. no matter what.
And continue to go our with your friends and have fun! BTW – pick up a class at your local community college (or county extension service or adult education center) this fall. Many work places offer to pay for a class or two if you pass with at least a “C”. You may find that you have find meeting new people.
If it’s meant to be he’ll come around or not. You may find that you are too busy to cry over him.
I am not trying to minimize the agony you’re feeling. I am not. I know it feels like the end of the world, but, with time, it will get better.
Hugs and good luck! <3
You filled a gap. Then he met someone real that he could touch and feel and wasn’t hours away.
He will not change. Even if he does, you will always remember what he did and worry if he’s doing it again. Leave him. You WILL trust again, and you will love again.
The answer will hurt temporarily, but it’s very simple: you need to break up. He cheated on you, with full intention. He even paid for the dating app. Him saying sorry when you found out does not mean anything and does not mean you should trust him again.
However, that does not mean you should never trust ANYONE again. You can work on your own traumas, trust issues and attachment wounds, away from him. Then, you can fall in love with someone else who doesn’t cheat on you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. One day you will barely remember this guy.
I’d also recommend avoiding long distance relationships. You only met a few times in person over the period of years? That’s going to have problems most of the time. Sometimes one person sees the relationship as serious and the other is seeing it more like a fantasy, just to give them validation.
There are few guys who can go with a long distance relationship without straying.
I had a girlfriend at 19 , she lived 3 miles away. Id stray, I’m a bad person. It was just too much fun
You have several things working against you. Your age means neither of y’all have had time to develop really good relational skills. You’re long distance, which for most people, is hard. Idk if he’s a serial cheater or not. He obviously made a big mistake and now you’re hurting. How do you protect yourself? Trusting or giving second chances always comes with risks. Other times it pays off. 5 years is a long time and so the stakes are somewhat high even at your age. The amount of commitment security you need to be mentally well depends on how much faith you have, how much you trust yourself outside of the relationship to be in charge of your own needs, and other factors like that. If you need a lot of commitment security, it can be really mentally and emotionally toxic to ignore that. Sometimes people cheat because they are failing to find an appropriate way to get some of their needs met. Other times they are dealing with some addiction-type issue. It’s possible you could healthfully salvage this, but given his age… idk it seems like if I were in your shoes, I’d want more supervision and accountability with the relationship if I was going to try to make it work. I’d only stay if they attended therapy with me and figured out and addressed their issue or we reconfigured the relationship to be different somehow that is more healthy.
Oh, honey. Run. Once a cheater, always a cheater. The pain from the break up will go away. But the trauma from staying with such a man for too long won’t.
You are 19 and he’s 20 – so believe me that neither of you are really sure what you will want in a relationship. I’m sure because of all of the time you were with him, it feels like that relationship is your everything.
I was in the same place about 5 years ago- online relationship talking and texting all the time- only were “WITH” each other 3 times over OUR 3 years together, but yep – she and I were dating when she had just turned 19. She was super loyal, sweet, religious and kind. She moved for work and had a female roommate, but within 5 months of being apart, she cheated and suddenly I saw a whole new side. I went to visit and work things out. She stopped that relationship and came back to me for 18 months, but once again, I went to see her after a year to help her move, again.
Same roommate, and said that WE couldn’t live together until their lease was up in 6 months, but during those last couple of months she started acting different again AND saying that because of her roommates and her religion, she didn’t want me to come out until I found a place for us after her lease. Literally 40 days from her lease ending, she told me she was interested in another guy. She STILL swore she loved and wanted to be with me, but I’m pretty sure we were each other’s EMOTIONAL support; no true, everyday life and relationship. So – in her (their) mind, when we aren’t “present”, they have their own life.
Worry about you – and no, don’t just TRUST, but know that no everyone is like that, in person is the only way to learn, know and really trust someone.
Commitment is hard when it’s one way. You be you, love you, and demand to be loved for YOU and not a situation.
If you forgive him he’s won, and has manipulated you back into his life. Rinse and repeat.