I am about the get divorced. We have been seperated but cohabiting for months. But emotinally our marriage has ended long before that.
We have been together for 12 years. I know him for 15. I still trust him with my life. We just grew apart and there is no turning back for us.
Now, I am 33, and I don’t believe if I could trust someone else like this. Eventually, I would want a life partner. But I don’t think I have another 15 years to build that trust.
Could you please share some positive stories if you have any? I really need to have some optimism at the moment.
Comments
Honestly, after my long term split I focused on me and got myself in a position where I don’t have to rely on anyone else and I’m fully self sufficient so I don’t really have to trust anyone with my life anymore.
That said I trust my current partner now too. Guarded some in the beginning, but he’s also shown that he is trustworthy! So it can happen again!
I wasn’t together with my ex for quite as long, but it was about a decade. I don’t understand divorced people, or people 30+ in general, who move fast. I go slow, and always have. My ex is the only person I’ve even kissed. I have concluded the only way I can see myself having another relationship is if we have a legit friendship for a while (like at least a year) first. Just purely platonic friendship. I need friendship to build trust. Jumping straight into dating a stranger did not work for me at all. And I figure hey, worst comes to worst, a friendship never turns into more but I still have a friend. That’s still a great thing.
I left a toxic LTR at 32 and spent a couple years intentionally by myself, healing, learning who I was on my own again. Learning to trust myself again.
When I was ready to start dating again it was that relearned trust in myself that was suddenly so obvious and made it clear when I was incompatible with otherwise good men. I found my now partner fairly quickly so didn’t go through the dating game long. While we clicked instantly, the trust was a bit of a struggle from time to time. But again, because of taking the time to trust my own judgment and self-assuredness, I was able to navigate communication better than ever before and voice my wants and needs. I also started going to therapy once I started getting serious as a way of keeping some of my traumas in check and continuing to work on my self as there are some things that simply don’t come to light when single.
My partner matches my communication and meets all my wants and needs with ease. He’s made me finally accept I was never asking for too much with my ex LTR. He reminds me every day that the genuinely happy love really does exist – it doesn’t have to be a battle. It’s just purely enjoyable and we constantly are in awe of how easy it is and how it makes sense nothing else ever worked. I have been with this man for a small fraction of the time I was with my ex, but already have so much more peace and faith in this man and this relationship. I’m in awe I ever settled for anything less.