I don’t have time or space to list everything, but she’s 83, I’m 49, and I’m her only living child left.
I gave up completely in January. I’m AuADHD. I’m a thyroid patient, and I am significantly overweight. I’ve had frequent trouble fitting in at work and school, and I got into a situation at work yet again with my latest job, and my then supervisor was starting to turn on me as well.
I called her because I needed comfort. That’s not what I got. She literally said, “You’re the problem.” I spiralled into another pit of self loathing and suicidal thoughts.
I decided then there had to be a boundary. I said, you’re a danger to me. I’m done. Leave me alone.
I went back to work and defended myself, got HR involved. Guess what. Everyone got fired. The person harassing me, the two supervisors who were letting the harasser control the narrative, all gone.
The work I do involves supporting people with mental illness. I put every ounce of my energy everyday into these people. I was a fool to hope I could turn to my own mother for support. I’ll save it for the therapist and you guys.
She’s afraid. It’s not about loving me (She’s allowed her husband to ban me from their house). She brings up all the money she’s given me – and she has. But she’s also lied that I forged her signature, lies that she buys things and hides them. Tells everyone these lies that makes everyone hate me, makes herself look like a victim. They’ve literally told people that I have taken every penny they have (they’ve got 100k+ investments, own home and cars outright, (bought their cars with cash) both have retirement and SS- they still make more than me after retirement for 20 years.
I’m done. DONE. I’m done getting kicked when I’m down.
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It is very hard, yet when you wrote about spiraling… I get triggered still, even if I tell myself I am not giving away power… once you do a 4-5h drive or travel and first thing you hear is “we talked with these friends that you gained the weight”… I started replying “love you too”. Worked for a moment. Venting crying screaming in the pillow- all to get those bad emotions is a must!!!
I hope you will find:
Time to stop, rest, vent, cry, and then process your emotions and self reflect,
Confidence in your own actions, thoughts and emotions,
Endless forgiveness for your own self, Strength to go through what’s coming,
Peace with who you were and who you are.
Love for yourself and one thing each morning that gives you a smile:-).
As last sentence says you are a fighter. Just fighting for so long you got veery tired. Hang in there, breathe, and never forget how strong you are even in the darkest moments!!! Hope this helps a tiny bit!!!
You stood up for yourself, and came out on top. That is AMAZING! You are so strong, and you just don’t realize it. Can you cut off your mom and stepdad? She can die without your help. All you will do by being involved will to be her punching bag, and you deserve better. Give yourself some space to breathe, and acknowledge what you have accomplished, and tell that woman to shove off, or just cut the cord and stop responding to her. That works, too.
Wow. I can tell you are a loving and caring person with gifts to share with the world. I can only imagine what it feels like to know that she is dying while coming to terms with her role as an abuser in your life, but you must do just that. It’s okay to go no contact, even now. Get support working through your feelings and past trauma so you can stay no contact. Every part of your life will benefit. Let me know if you’d like a referral for someone to work with. ❤️
I’m really sorry, you seem like a real genuinely sincere hearted person.
I am glad you found your strength. I hope it grows in you, until you are healed.
It is really hard to close these doors, especially when we have no other voices to fill the silence.
It is really hard to accept that silence is preferable to your own parent’s company. But, for us, it is.
You’re no fool for being a healthy human with healthy instincts. Family is really deep instinct, its impossible to really ever truly remove that desire – its just, we need to manage it, while others can just, express it. It is hard.
If you find yourself slipping and thinking of opening the door, or wanting to just vent or talk, and hear random words in response, please feel free to reach out.
Please remember: “The monster is most dangerous when it’s dying.”
Do take care of yourself, OP. YOU are most important.
Please take care of yourself<3…stay strong , the bad time will pass