I need to get this off my chest

I have a boyfriend who cheated on me and it broke me in a way I never thought possible. It has taken me a couple years to get to a place where I can breathe again and it’s all because of a friend of mine who is also friends with an ex of mine.. messy, I know! But I hate to admit, I think that’s part of what has made the affair so hot. My only fear now is that I’ll catch feelings or I’ll hurt my AP. And to be clear, I don’t want to hurt my bf either, I just wish he’d never hurt me in the first place. I would have never done anything like this before he cheated. He crushed me and isolated me for a whole year after it happened because he’s possessive and jealous and projected his behavior onto me and finally about a year ago I was allowed to go out and see my friends and I managed to keep things as just friends for another year with my now AP and then my boyfriend did something to hurt me again last month and I decided to let it happen. It’s been so delicious and fun that now I know I’m in a danger zone of lust and love. My boyfriend and I haven’t been intimate in a few months so there hasn’t been any overlap. I think in the long term my relationship could work out but I was getting nowhere near getting over his lying, cheating and his overall lack of respect and compassion for the pain he has continued to inflict so I tried something new. TBH I was shocked he cheated in the first place because he’s so insecure and not good in bed but I loved him so I made the most of his shortcomings. My AP on the other hand is one of the best lovers I’ve ever had but I don’t think there’s a future and the added element that he is good friends with an ex of mine definitely makes it even more complicated. Oh and it’s worth mentioning that it’s not just the sex that’s good, he’s a great kisser too which in my experience, it’s either one or the other, rarely do you get both. I think I could have dealt with the bad sex because I thought I had love and loyalty with my bf and now that I’m getting properly fucked, I’m not so sure I can go back to having fast mediocre sex with my boyfriend. I know I need to figure out what to do because I definitely don’t like sneaking around but at least I feel somewhat vindicated. My bf chose to f around and now he’s going to find out (but not actually because I’m way better at this than I’d like to admit). Just come on here to vent and keep it tight at home.

Thanks for reading, not looking for advice just wanting to share because surprise surprise, I can’t share this with anyone, it’s way too messy but I would love to hear if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Also not condoning cheating, it really destroys people’s sense of self and their ability to make decisions.

Cheers.