Hey everyone I’m 29 male average height and weight. My whole life I been single and super shy to talk to women, so the other day I went out with my friends and I saw this girl and I was dared to go talk to her, so I did and we kind of hit it off and we were talking for a while and she gave me her number saying that we should see each other. So I call her we set something up and we have a good time and then later we decided to have sex and for some reason I couldn’t get hard at all and I don’t know why. She wasn’t mad or anything but I was so upset and disappointed that I wanted to leave. We ended up having a good time but later that night I was thinking about what we did and I got hard but when I was with her I couldn’t. I’m genuinely confused and concerned
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If you don’t use porn, it could just be anxiety which is pretty normal & goes away with practice. Talking to a doctor if the problem persists is a good idea! It could be some different things if it’s not porn or anxiety
If you watch porn, stop. Best change I ever made dude
Bro, it’s normal. If your are anxious to perform, it can happen. My ex had that problem the first time we had sex. The moment he got nacked, his erection faltered. All the other times, he was a stallion. Try to have a good time, and you’ll get over it most likely. If you really can’t get it up, focus on her pleasure. You’ve got hands and a mouth. Use them. Anyways, they work better than a dick if you want to make the average girl have an orgasm. If you manage to make the experience pleasurable without penetration, you are still a better lay than most men. And you’ll always have next time to show off your other tools.
This happens to me the first time I try to have sex with any woman. It’s nerves, the stress of “what if I disappoint her?” or “what if I finish too fast?” make it hard to get it up. What helps is knowing that she was kind and patient and didn’t make me feel bad when it happened. It’s almost like an unavoidable biological litmus test to see if she is a good person. Knowing the person I want to sleep with is kind & patient usually helps me relax enough to get it up the second time around. If she seems like she fits that bill, reach out for a 2nd date and see what happens. You might get another chance and feel a little less stressed.
If she’s worth the time, she won’t mind waiting.
Lay off the porn and the death grip.
Try and not let nerves get the better of you by enjoying yourself on dates. All the best to you.
Performance anxiety obviously.
Rushed into it and made it like a now or never situation.
You solve it by communicating.
I learned that if you say at the start that you’re so attracted to her and so want to please her that it probably will happen. That takes the pressure off to ‘perform’
As a girl this is so common esp the first time being with a man. I have never been upset or disappointed over it, it happens! I’m sure it’s not big deal to her. Don’t beat yourself up about it
You’re 29. I think you need to lower your expectations about sex in general. Focus on the moment and not staying hard. Get your mind horny and you’ll be fine. If you need to communicate to her what you need or like I’m sure it will be a fun time experimenting so look at it as experimenting. Maybe it’s dirty talk, foreplay, being funny and laughing. Also don’t drink too much. I believe in you. Have fun
it’s happened to me. more than once. for me, it’s an anxiety thing.
i’ve seen a lot of people blame porn. say that it desensitizes you to the real thing. so i even tried my best to go awhile without porn or masturbating much. and then the next time i had the chance to be with someone, i still couldn’t get hard, and i came immediately. it’s a weird and unexpected feeling to cum when soft lol.
for me, chances for sex are so few and far between that when i do have an opportunity i end up psyching myself out. i get so worried that i’m going have problems that i end up getting stuck in my head and creating the problem i was worried about.
it’s dumb.
BUT i’ve also had some great experiences. like, a few times i’ve even warned a girl that i might have trouble getting hard, warning her to not take it personal. and then we end up doing everything else instead. like, hours worth of making out and going down on her. using toys on her. ropes and handcuffs and stuff.
the worst thing you can do in a situation like this is give up and tap out. if you can’t get hard, offer to do anything and everything else you can. and if you’re anything like me, and it is an anxiety thing, it gets easier once you start seeing someone on a regular basis. someone you trust and feel comfortable with. it gets easier to get hard and stay hard when you’re with the right person.
Nerves, anxiety, stress, and porn use all can contribute to performance issues. It happens!
Did you eat enough earlier that day? Other people here are right about nerves/anxiety but I’ll also throw out there that you need to make sure you’re well fed and hydrated, especially as you get older!
Nerves can be controlling.
It’s called performance anxiety.
So nervous or anxious that you went soft. Happens to the best of us bud
Just nerves. It’s normal. Just don’t let it ruin your experience. You had a good time with her and that’s the only thing that matters. You will get more comfortable with her and stay hard as a result
You were nervous take you time and just give her pleasure. In doing that you will be able to get there.
Stage fright
It’s ok brother it’s normal. I know you’ll think and sweat about it, but try not to…
It’s either stage fright, too much porn, or too much stimulants like drugs, alcohol etc. all 3 can be fixed.
Get more comfortabel with her. It’ll do what it needs to do
I’ve had that happen twice and both times it was because I thought they were the hottest chicks in world….anytime I’m with more attractive women than I am as a guy, Stagefright consumes me….just saying my experience. after I’m with them one time, it never happens again…
Happened to me, the hit kinda went “aww no come up for me today?” And giggled, gave me her number after the hookup.
It sucked in the moment, but women are so forgiving/understanding. and we’re lucky we live in an age where pills are around and normalized
Get back out there and do your thang bro, loosen the grip and lay off any porn for a while
Tell her her sorry about the other night, you’re super pretty and cool and I just got in my head and well… Yeah total bummer. Hopefully you’d like to go out again sometime.
FYI you’re probably going to fuck yourself up in the head so much after that that the next time you’ll have the same issue. Either have a drink to relax or take a pill.
ED issues go up with and match to age, so 29% of men your age have dealt with this. 30% the next year, and so on. Performance anxiety is perfectly normal. It’s totally frustrating dealing with it though. Talk to your doc if it persists. If you can’t work up the courage to do that then look up Friday Plans. They have the cheapest and very accessible meds.
Stage fright, you were worried. That blocked it.. let it go, unless you were also her first, then chances are good she understands stage fright… tension does all kinds of weird crap…. try again after you hang out and have fun doing other mutual activities. You aren’t a circus monkey, that can perform on command. . Give yourself some room to learn how it works.. each episode is different, so watch for the females cues….. it will come. Pun intended. Don’t let it bother you. It’s not a one time chance sort of thing. Get back into it.
it’s just anxiety <3 maybe having more of an in depth convo w her about it would make it easier? so she’ll be patient? if you said she took it well, then it seems like she wouldn’t mind if u opened up to her abt it. it’ll be all good :p
the very first time my husband and i had sex when we started dating, he couldn’t get hard, either, and look where we are now! it happens, man, don’t be so down on yourself for something totally normal, especially if you’re shy to begin with!
I just assume that my dick was saving me from something