Where did it all go wrong? I don’t know what I should be doing. Apps are awful. In person i don’t live near friends so what go to bars alone? I’m open to putting myself out there but I guess I no longer know what I should be doing
Where did it all go wrong? I don’t know what I should be doing. Apps are awful. In person i don’t live near friends so what go to bars alone? I’m open to putting myself out there but I guess I no longer know what I should be doing
Comments
What’s keeping you from making friends in your area?
I feel you. The whole “Mr. Right” thing is total bs sometimes. Like, where are all the good ones hiding?
You don’t have “a person.” There are dozens, no hundreds of mates that will make you happy! Look for a companion who makes you laugh to laugh with, not a needle in a haystack ‘soul mate.’
I would highly recommend getting involved in something. Community theatre is great for making connections that can lead to friendship, and most likely that community theatre needs more help: backstage, not just actors. Find somewhere to volunteer: animal shelter, food kitchen, senior center, etc. A Google search or Facebook search can help with pinpointing things in your area. I think there are also some “meet up” type apps that are for hiking or walking, etc., not specifically meant for dating. The more people you interact with and just know, the better chance you’ll have of finding a romantic interest. And at the very least, you might make some new friends. And don’t be afraid to ask new people out, not just as a date, but as a friend to meet for lunch or coffee or a drink. Or a few people and get a trivia team together. I wish you luck and peace!
My advice has always been “be happy with yourself first.” Your person should improve your happiness, but your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on them. But you weren’t coming on here looking for advice, so I can offer condolences. Thinking you’re dreadfully alone is awful. I guess, too, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
YOU are your person.
You should be decentering men from your life.
You do not need a man.
Maybe you actually need more community, more friends, more self-assurance, more hobbies, more interests. More sleep. More exercise. More women in your life. More peace. These are things no man can give you.
You need to de-center romantic relationships in your life.
If your only mission in life is to be loved by someone else, sorry, that is unhealthy.
You can’t control how other people feel about you, so you can’t let your self worth be based on that. That’s a recipe for despair.
Edit: this advice is coming from a 33-year-old single woman (me). It comes from my years of experience chasing down my soulmate, only to have my efforts chewed up and spit out. I stopped dating 3 years ago, focused my love and attention inward. At first being alone was sad and scary asf, but over time I got good at pleasuring myself, built up local friendships/hobbies, bought a house, making money, and spreading love.
Not to brag, but men still approach me. Their bare attention does not impress me at all any more, because now I don’t seek their validation. I don’t want just any soulmate any more. I want someone who can provide more comfort to me than being single already does.
I’m surprisingly the happiest I’ve ever been while single, and I’m never lowering that bar.
Honestly? I’m not sure online dating apps are worth your time anymore… they just seem like an endless sea of shallow swipes and awkward conversations. Maybe try something really different, like volunteering for a cause you care about, it’s a great way to meet like-minded people without the pressure of romance.