We’ve been together 15 years and were married for 10 years. A few nights ago, he attacked me in a fit of rage. My car’s windshield is broken because he grabbed me by the throat and slammed my head into it. My car is very likely totaled because he wanted to scare and “punish” me. This wasn’t the first time he was physical. He had punched holes in walls and destroyed my possessions in the past. I just loved him so I always believed his excuses and empty promises to change. This was just the first time he couldn’t make any other excuse. It was just the first time I got him screaming at me on video. It was just the worst time. It was just the time he scared me enough that I called police and said, “he will never treat me like that again.”
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t make excuses for them. Don’t patch the holes in the wall again. Just leave. In the USA, when a woman is choked by her husband, her risk of being murdered by him skyrockets by 750%. If you feel unsafe because of your partner’s behavior, please leave them. They will escalate. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even this year, but they will escalate.
Edit: I am somewhere safe. I don’t have any plans to go back to him. I’m fortunate enough to have a good support system outside of his influence. I shared my story so that maybe even one person will learn from my mistakes.
Comments
I’m sorry
I am a survivor also. Im so sorry.
I hope you are able to get somewhere safe ❤️
(And pets/ kids ❤️)
First of all, I am so sorry you are doing through this. As someone who works with clients dealing with this same situation on a daily basis, I hope you have gotten yourself away from this situation. If you are still living in this situation, please get yourself out NOW.
I would research any non-profits in the area that help individuals get out of this situation. They can likely get you somewhere safe until you put a plan in place.
Collect any and all of your essential documents (birth certificate, passport, driver’s license, titles for vehicle). If you have access
Please consult an attorney in your area and get a domestic violence Civil Protection Order. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can go to your county’s domestic relations/family court and ask for assistance and they should be able to walk you through the process and paperwork. This will get you back into the home (if you wish) and require that he stay away from you.
Once you get that CPO, you can decide whether or not you want to file for divorce.
I have too many people that I see that tolerate this behavior from their significant other. The behavior does not go away, it always escalates.
I am sending you love and strength. You will get through this!!!
I hope you’re in a safe place now and he isn’t able to find you or able to get a hold of you. I would avoid any mutual friends in case they provide any information to him, intentional or not, about where you are. You don’t deserve this. You deserve a loving partner who would never even dream of laying a hand on you. I’m so sorry this happened and I hope the rest of your life is free of him, happy & beautiful 🫶🏻
please remember this feeling. remember this post. remember how scared and horrified he made you feel so that if any part of you starts to question if he’s changed and maybe you should go back, you remember that this is what you’d be going back to.
i hope he becomes a bad memory for you and some day you’ll be living a wonderful, peaceful life so grateful to this version of yourself for leaving and allowing that life to flourish.
I also have dv in my past. No one can really understand how psychologically hard it is to leave if they haven’t been through it. I’m so sorry this has been part of your story, and I believe in you!!
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Sending you hugs and holding space for you
Hope you are well and finding the resources to move on.
This is why women…ALL women, should have a few thousand dollars in an account that their partner can’t get to, so they can bug out at anytime. Yes, this includes my wife of 36 yrs. No woman should be stuck in any relationship she may want to leave.
I’m sorry. I hope you are in a safe place.
Oh love, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Are you OK? Of course you aren’t, what a silly question.
Thank you so much for making this post though. People need to read and hear stories like yours so much. We let the small things go, ignoring red flags and hoping we’ll never be in this situation, but the simple fact is: you’re right. They will eventually escalate.
I wish you peace.
Why not?
I use to think we guys would put hard lines. That we know if we crossed them we were outside the side of what’s right but i think now that we make up new hard lines each time we cross one or as some would say shifting the goal posts.
Gradual escalation violence. See it for what it is.
So sorry. Proud you have gotten away with
I’m so sorry, and so glad you got out. Please stay safe and don’t go back. 💖
RUN. And never look back. I hope you are well.
Good on you for realizing it now before it’s too late.
I’m a survivor also. I never thought it would be me, or that I’d meet so many fellow survivors. I’m so sorry. You’re strong and incredible. Take care of yourself and take advantage of community resources and any help offered to you. It’s been almost 2 years and still affects me.
I’m so sorry you had to experience this. I commend you for getting out and calling police on him. You’ve truly shared some words of wisdom that I hope others in a similar situation will take to heart. It never gets better, only worse.
I’m sorry you experienced that. I’ve been there too. There’s a shame involved; I make good decisions. I have good friends. I would never get involved with an abusive, narcissistic psychopath. Until… you do, and you wake up one morning and wonder how the fuck do I get out?
The last time he attacked me… it wasn’t even the worst time, but it also wasn’t the first. I decided then and there if I made it out the front door, I could never go back, because I refused to be a statistic. Five years later I’m still here to tell the tale. I made it out. Not every woman does.
You made it out. You will be okay. You will have peace in your life now, and you are worthy of that peace.
I’ve been here. Leaving is the hardest, scariest part. I remember the detective telling me that choking is when you have something stuck in your throat. He was strangling you. That stuck with me.
I also was a battered wife, I’m highly educated and married an extremely successful and wealthy man who has lots of friends and is well liked, and it still happened to me too. I left 3 years ago and my life has done a 180.
You have a long road ahead of you, look up how to divorce a narcissist and find a lawyer who knows about them. Let him thinks he “wins” at the divorce, let him say what he wants, your real friends will know the truth. It’s going to hurt your ego divorcing a narcissist and letting a lot go, but it will be worth your freedom. Trust me. I lost hundreds of thousands of my own money just so I could get the divorce finalized in a few months and I’m happy it kept him satisfied enough to feel like he won and leave me alone. I’ll make more money, my life and sanity was worth it.
I wish you the best and hope you find happiness and peace
To you and all other survivors of domestic violence, please accept my internet stranger hug and hope for your better future. 💙💙
Yep. Many stay by their abuser even when it only gets worse and worse. Glad you had the courage to stand up and say never again.
I am a survivor. I am so proud of you for leaving. Please stay safe.
Oh thank god you are getting away from him. I hope he stays in prison.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your bold text is missing the most important detail and could have helped you.
“when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.
-Maya Angelou
I hope you are somewhere safe 🩷
I have nothing of value to add, so sending virtual hugs