TL;DR: I, newlywed & newly moved out due to housing crisis F27 feels suffocated by my mother F60, how much contact is normal as an adult?
I feel like the relationship feels very much like an obligation for me at the moment.
I got married and moved out a year ago-ish. I lived at home (and payed rent) before that because of housing crisis where I live.
She calls (or I call out of obligation) at least every week, maybe every fourth-fifth day. Text in between. See each other at least every 3rd week.
She says she misses me but I rarely feel the same in return which makes me feel guilty. I feel like I don’t get the time to start missing her.
It’s so weird because I love her and my younger brother but lately I’ve just felt a bit sick of them, my mother especially. It makes me feel so guilty but I feel the need to have more space. Growing up I was that kid that was always home and spent a lot of time with family. Never really had a teen-phase of detachment. Never spent much time with friends or going out because I don’t drink and I’m very much a homebody.
She moved out at 16 and had soo may years to herself before getting married and having kids. She did so much traveling, lived with different boyfriends, got married at 32. She was not as close with her mom, moved to another city etc. Times where different back then when it came to housing and the economy. I spent my 20s saving everything I could. My husband and I managed to find an apartment to rent in another town finally but we want to buy a house one day. I dreamt of doing it when we got married but we have decided to wait more in order to not become house poor.
I always thought I would have kids around 28 and I feel like I have barely lived on my own/had my own adult life. I want kids but the thought of having them now makes my head spin and it makes me almost panic because I know my mother would want to see them/us even more often that we do now, she loves kids and would probably go nuts.
I feel pressured and suffocated by her and the amount of contact she wants and I just want to know what’s normal? How often do you talk/text/see your parents? Anyone ever felt the same? Any advice?
I love my mom but we are also very different as people. Growing up she rarely spent time with friends just me and my brother. She calls me “her best friend” and says she doesn’t like other people as much as she likes us. She is in a new relationship finally and I hope that can take some of the pressure of me.