I was waiting in line at the grocery store waiting to check out and there was a woman in front of me with two young kids. When it was her turn to pay, her card declined. The cashier tried it twice but it still declined and when she asked the woman if she had cash instead, the woman said that she didn’t. She was about to leave her things but as it was only one loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter, I offered to pay for them.
She thanked me and then asked if she could grab something else really quick, and I found myself nodding because I was caught off guard. She came back with a carton of eggs, women’s sanitary towels, milk and some toilet paper. By this point my brain just couldn’t compute and I just smiled and proceeded to pay for everything and mine. She thanked me again and I told her no worries then we went out separate ways.
I am still trying to process what happened. It’s not like she got luxuries, those were literally basic necessities and if I was well off, I definitely wouldn’t have bat an eye but I am just a poor college freshman who was just trying to do something nice with the little that I have.
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Ok well next time you’ll be prepared to say “No sorry, that’s all I can afford right now”
You did a nice thing and you learnt something. Don’t turn it into a net negative. You probably really helped that woman out
I wouldn’t dwell on it…you helped someone who needed help. That’s all that really matters.
You did the right thing by trying to help, I’m sorry she took advantage.
Don’t get cynical, but next time you’ll be ready to draw a boundary. Most people don’t pull crap like that but some do.
You did a nice thing and also learned about boundaries, probably for less than a therapist would charge you.
Win win!
Next time just say “I’m close to having my card declined too, but I’ll get these things for you if you like.”
You’re a good person, but also remember that if you help a drowning person they can drown you too. When conducting a rescue, ensure to take steps to protect yourself.
Put on your oxygen mask first before you help someone else, then help everyone you can.
Also she is clearly one notch away from homeless if she can’t afford pads with bread and peanut butter. You probably saved her life for a week.
You are a good person. Thank you for doing this.
Nah that was not ok.
you helped someone who was desperate. you did good. imagine how embarassed she had to be to do that. she needed what you bought for her. no cookies and sodas involved. feel good about it.
you have a big heart. pls don’t let this stop you from helping those in needs. she could be desperate. next time just set a limit
Would you do something like that unless you really need to? Trust me, she feels a lot worse about this than you. You can be proud that you helped a person that was clearly in big need.
Consider it a good deed and be happy you’re generous in a time when many are reverting to selfishness. You did good dude/dudette.
I actually cried reading this. I was homeless from 16 to 19 not due to anything I did but from abusive parents. 2012 was the worse year of my life. I literally had NO money and NO place to live in Michigan. I started hanging around the downtown area near a local college because I quickly learned that college students were more generous than adults.
I’m telling you now, those students saved my life so many times during that time by doing things you just did and much more.
I know it was awkward but look at the things she added. If she didn’t have money for bread and peanut butter on a credit card, then she HAD NO MONEY. She probably had been going without toilet paper and sanitary napkins for weeks. I guarantee the eggs and milk were for kids probably.
It didn’t go down hill. YOU DID A WONDERFUL THING. I know it made you feel put off, that’s natural , but don’t let it make you feel like you were taken advantage of. You could’ve saved her life that day, who knows.
I’m 29 now and own my house , have a career, etc. but I will never forget those college kids in 2012 that just decided to help another teen out , just because.
You will never regret doing the right thing.
Did she take advantage of your kindness? She did, but you did a good thing.
I don’t know your financial situation but those sound like pretty necessary items. She took advantage of your kindness but she obviously needed those things. If you’re all good financially I wouldn’t overthink it, you helped someone who really needed it.
Two possibilities come to mind. Either she was REALLY desperate and was fighting her shame versus need to survive until the next check comes in, or this isn’t her first time doing this and she was hoping for someone to make the offer. I guess the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, and its not like the things she grabbed are luxury goods. Still, it’s hard to trust people these days.
Oh, this reminds me of the time a person in our local community group posted how she didn’t have enough money to feed herself and her two kids until the end of the week. i transferred her $100, and she sent me photos of their dinner to thank me, she got herself LAMB CHOPS, which I never bought for myself because they’re too expensive, and chicken nuggets for her kids! She probably spent more than half of that money on that single dinner! I’m still in shock years later.
I once offered to buy a woman begging for money outside of an ihop some food. She came inside and ordered 3 ribeyes, the most expensive item on the menu, to go. Unfortunately that was the last time I did something like that.
I was leaving Walmart one day when an out of shape older woman asked me for something, not sure what any more, but after she showed me her enormous open heart surgery scar I decided to help by driving her to the store where she was going to get a prepaid card to do something or other. By the time I got away from her, and she was a nice person, just hopelessly screwed up and incompetent in every way, I was out about $300 for crazy shit like her prepaid card that she couldn’t activate and her room for the night that also had ridiculous complications. I can afford that, but I wonder to this day if I should have just done what I usually do in the parking lot, which is lie and tell them that Customer Service inside will help them out.
I think that when people are desperate, being embarrassed goes out the window. If she couldn’t even afford bread and peanut butter, and she had small children, I can only imagine how bad her situation must be. It’s like being embarrassed to beg, but who knows if I was starving. Yes she took advantage of you, but it was probably necessary for her. I hope this doesn’t make you reconsider being charitable 🙂 Good job.
This happened to me once with an elderly person. She ended up trying to add $60 worth of meat to the $20 something order I offered to pay for. Once the bill hit $40 something I asked the cashier to stop scanning bc I really couldn’t do anymore than that… I hope I helped the person eat but I did feel bad about cutting off after it hit an additional $20 🤷🏽
Reminds me of a time a stranger told me his sob story and asked for some cash. I went to give him $5 and he said, “I see you have another $10 in your wallet, do you really need it?”
“Yes I do. I just gave you my lunch money.”
It turned out this guy was a con artist who made up stories to extract bills from strangers.
i only paid once for someone else. she promised to send me the money later on. she really did. but my expectation was “its ok if i dont see the money again”. 😊
You are a good person! It sounds like she was at her last moment, she wasn’t even going to waste money on toilet paper or pads. With the milk and eggs, you might have given those kids the first half decent meal in quite a while. The pads might mean that she can go to work that week and help herself out more. While it’s important to keep your boundaries, I can’t be upset here with this situation.
There, but for the grace of God, go I.
A carton of eggs is diabolical, but really, those were the things she needed that didn’t make it to the cart the first round. With a carton of eggs being the closest thing to a luxury item. Sucks that it cut into your budget so much, but if she was skipping toilet paper and sanitary pads in the first place, she has other places that money needs to go. As someone that has been at zero dollars, she definitely had other bills that were being skipped.
I’ve been an extremely broke, borderline homeless college kid too, so I feel you 100%. An unexpected $10 expense can mean you don’t get to eat that day, and I don’t blame you for being shaken up by that at all.
That said, imo there isn’t a bad guy here. Not you – you were blindsided, being polite, and had no idea this would happen, or you wouldn’t have offered. And not her – she asked you if it was okay first, took your yes to mean it was, and only got things she desperately needed to survive. (Kids can’t live without food, and mom can’t go to work/job hunt/etc. with blood running down her legs.)
It was a miscommunication that wasn’t anybody’s fault, and you’re not wrong or bad for feeling upset. The real wrong is that in the richest country on earth, a college kid and a family are so desperate that an extra ten bucks can make or break them. I’m so sorry. You deserve better than this.
A set of circumstances exists where you would do the same thing she did. It’s hard to imagine, but it does.
She needed X things. She knew she didn’t have the money for X things so she rolled the dice and got X-1 things, because that’s all her card would be close to allowing and if it went through, she’d have something which is more than nothing.
She didn’t forget that she needed X things. She rationed out some things she could survive without.
A stranger offers to pay for X-1 things. She rolled the dice again, the risk being that you would say no (unlikely because you’ve already proved that either you’re a nice person or want to look like a nice person), the gain being to have the things she needed in order to feel human.
You did a nice thing and even though what she did looked inconsiderate, the lesson to learn isn’t “people take advantage if you’re nice”.
The lesson is that even when it’s obvious someone needs help, it’s not always obvious how much help they need.
What you did was nicer than what you offered. You can see it as someone taking advantage of you or you can see it as doing something good for someone who needed that favour more than you realised.
All that to say, don’t let it discourage you from continuing to be nice. This would have been a sadder story if you hadn’t.
I was once pretty broke but saw a woman and kids at a gas station stuck with no gas. I told them I could put 40 in and get the kids food and drinks. She filled her whole tank and grabbed about 25$ worth of additional things.
I was like damn. But then I thought those kids just saw another human being kind when someone needed it and saw that people care about people. At the end of the day I was out like 100 bucks, but it was worth it and I really don’t blame her. I would do anything to feed my kids and protect them.
I was heading to a plumbing job , stopped for lunch eating in my truck and a dude walked off the train tracks behind the store and asked for a cigarette. I gave him one. We were talking , smoking cigs. It was about to pour down rain. He jokingly asked if I had an extra umbrella, I said no. I did have one umbrella , a pretty nice huge brand name jammy that I had recently baught , never had an umbrella in my life until then. It started coming down and he was going for cover. I said hey buddy take this umbrella. He was happy as shit.
I left to go do the plumbing job. When I got done the job which only took a couple hours the homeowner asked how much he owed, I told him, he laughed saying I didn’t charge nearly enough and he was going to give me a tip. He handed me a wad of dough. I was like nah man I can’t take this , he said I earned it and he knows how much a plumber costs . It was $600 on top of what I charged ( probably $150 ).
You did a good thing , one day you will get rewarded for it when you least expect it
I did this – offered to pay for a stranger’s groceries when their card declined. Her items were already bagged and I hadn’t seen what was in them. The employee looked at me in a way I didn’t understand, and the stranger was looking at me like she really needed what she had shopped for. Kind of like a desperate look? I paid for everything and it was less than $100. When she picked up the bags, I heard the unmistakable sound of glass bottles tapping against each other. She walked away with 4 or 5 bottles of wine. The employee explained this woman was there at least 3x a week trying to get more alcohol. I felt awful.
However! I went to this store fairly consistently and months later the employee pulled me to the side. She told me the woman hadn’t purchased any alcohol since. Apparently she felt so ashamed for letting me pay for her habit that it gave her the last little push she needed to try to get sober. I don’t know how long it had been after that but I did see her one more time later on, and she looked fairly happy and just overall “better.”
Sometimes acts of kindness get taken advantage of, and sometimes that blooms into something good.
i’m all for helping people out like why take advantage of someone doing a kind thing?
I had something similar happen once. Walking home from the bar I decided to dip into Wawa for a hoagie and drink. A young kid (maybe 13-14 years old) was out front asking people for some money. Myself, being a little tipsy and in a good mood, said “come in bud, I’ll buy you a sandwich.” So he came in with me, we order our sandwiches together and while I’m waiting in line he wanders off. Right as I’m about to check out he comes out from behind an aisle with a gallon of milk, gallon of iced tea, and a box of donuts. I was totally caught off guard and put on the spot so I just paid for it all. Dude didn’t even say thank you! Lol. I couldn’t believe people can just take advantage of someone’s generosity like that.
This reminds me the encounter I had when I was in college– a long time ago. One Saturday, I took a trip to the cross town for sightseeing. I was window shopping in a crowd. Suddenly, one person jumped in front of me and asked for a donation for his kid’s medical bill. I asked back. “How much?” He looked confused and asked me what I meant by it. I answered. “You asked for a donation. So, how much money do you want?” He paused. Then, he said firmly. “20 dollars.” My answer. “Okay.” When I was pulling 20 dollar out of my purse, I felt his gaze into my purse. So, I took out a couple of 1 dollar bills and one 5 dollar bill and showed them to him. “Look. I need these money to take bus back to my dorm and also for lunch. He took my 20 dollar bill and left. No acknowledgement or thanks which was fine with me. The end of Story? No. Right after he left, a pedestrian approached me. She was visibly shaken. “Thank god, you gave him the money.” By this time, her husband came out from one of stores and joined her. “Not a big deal.” Casually, I turned to resume my walk but she stopped me. “You didn’t know, did you?” I was confused so, I asked back. “What do you mean?” She answered. “He had a knife. I was hoping you gave him the purse without a fight.” She added. “I was praying that he won’t stab you with the knife.” I was shocked. “He had a knife?” “Yes. I saw the whole thing from the beginning.” Then, I remembered the crowd dispersing when he cut in front of me. “Wow, why didn’t you run away when you know he had a knife? He could have stab you, too.” ” I stayed just in case you need my help.” I thanked her. Her husband huddled her to comfort her. She asked me with curiosity. “If you didn’t know, why did you give him the money?” I answered. “I saw a desperation in his eyes.” she sighted. “Thank God.”
She must have been desperate. You did the right thing. It’s a Karma. A good deed always comes back.
Be glad you helped a stranger out.
The same thing happened to me about 25 years ago. A man and his young son at the supermarket checkout in front of me, card declined when trying to buy a couple of basic items.
But unlike you I wasn’t really paying attention, and I didn’t realise what had happened until after they’d both walked off disappointed.
If I’d had my wits about me I’d have done the same as you. I still think about them occasionally, wishing I’d offered to help.
So you did a good thing, kudos to you, and no regrets!
I pulled over to help a guy who was looking under his hood and waved me down. When I got out he asked if he can have some gas money to get home. I pulled out the cash I had in my wallet and I had a couple 5s and some 20s. I gave him the 5s and he asked if he could have the 20 as well.. I was always caught off guard, but that was money for myself for the week so I had to tell him I couldn’t. Weird situation for sure.
While it was out of order for her to ask for you to pay for additional things God sees your true heart. May God bless you ten fold and don’t block your blessings!
You have empathy and a kind heart. Well wishes to you 🙂
Yeah, this story fits a well-known type of social manipulation grift often called “The Turnaround” or sometimes “The Add-On Scam.”
Here’s how it works:
It’s a low-stakes con, relying on your kindness and discomfort with confrontation rather than anything overtly criminal. If you think about it, that is what makes it so insidious, or as my kid says, “diabolical”.
Finally, as you noted, the items were “necessities”. This is part of the manipulation! It walks a moral gray line where the grifter can still look like a struggling parent rather than someone exploiting generosity.
Well, if it makes you feel better, there’s a distinct possibility those kids were looking at nothing but peanut butter sandwiches and tap water at every meal, but apparently she couldn’t even afford that.
The toilet paper and towels were probably things she needed, but she had to choose between that and food. And still couldn’t get the food.
The eggs and milk were probably so she could give the kids something besides peanut butter sandwiches.
If she had the ability to, she may have made a post somewhere on Reddit about how a generous soul helped her feed her kids when she couldn’t afford to.
Yes, she took advantage of your generosity, and you may want to be more careful how you do that if it puts a financial burden on you. But you probably made a mother in a bad situation very happy. That’s how I’d choose to look at it.
You’re my type of people. Good stuff.
I had something similar once. I was going into a dollar store and a homeless guy out front approached me and asked if I would buy him a water or Gatorade because it was 98 out and miserable. I said of course and took him inside. He found a can of Vienna sausage and said “I haven’t eaten either is this okay?” Of course I said yes. Before I knew it he had a whole bunch of stuff. My friend stopped him and told him to not take advantage of my kindness. I just paid for it all and we left. If my friend didn’t say anything that guy would have left would a backpack of stuff. It was fine cause it was the dollar store and ended up being less than 20$ but I had no idea what to say cause I’m not gonna tell this guy no to water in the heat and of course he’s gotta eat
Had a similar experience, except I said “No, I can only afford what you have right there.” Person then started to berate me for being cheap. So I made a little surprised face and said “Oh wow! I totally forgot I was cheap! Thanks for reminding me. I won’t buy anything for you.”
They ended up being removed by store security. Screw you.
The kids food for the next days was going to be bread, peanut butter and water.
Now, thanks to you, they will have milk and eggs. And the mother clearly needed the sanitary pads.
You did good, very much above and beyond, and yes, it is tough, but your gift gave her a little bit of dignity and some minutes of calm.
If you want to DM me your Venmo, I can throw a few bucks at you. Thank you for helping someone in need. We need more of this in our world right now