I (20F) started talking to guys/go out when I was 16. It was never anything big at first, mostly talking to a guy or two on the internet out of pure boredom. I had a few relationships like that online (short ones of max 3 months). I then met my ex at 17 and had my first serious relationship for almost a year and a half, until I was 18 something. I took a solid 7/8 months off from dating to recover from the whole thing, and then went on a date or two with somebody I’ve known for a while.
I am now 20 and in a relationship of a year. I am happy in it and my boyfriend treats me well, but I often secretly wish that I didn’t start dating and stayed single most of this time. I talk to some people who haven’t really dated up until now (around my age) and I’m secretly jealous. I wish I could be someone’s first again. I wish I could have the thrill of talking to someone and feel the thrill like I used to. I wish I didn’t feel the same responsibility and routine of a relationship as I do now. What makes this worse is that I’m not a teen anymore, I’ve been dating this guy for a bit more than a year and things are going great. No red flags or anything and I’m overall happy with him. That means that if things stay this way, I’ll end up married to him in a number of years. While I don’t mind it by itself, it’s also scary to thikn abt the idea that I’m “trapped” in this situation.
Comments
Girl, you’re 20 now. That’s the thing.
When I was 20, I thought life would be practically over when I turn 30. So I need to get things done, get married, Blabla. Turns out being in your twenties you’re still a kid and it’s the most wonderful time to explore and feel things, be free, don’t commit to anything. I got married when I was 28, divorced him two years later and now, being 32, I realized that all these experiences that I had were so important to know exactly what I want now. And live my best life now, while being still quite young.
I feel your insecurities, your doubts, your wishes, your dreams. But please, don’t get married too soon. Enjoy your youth, enjoy being free. You can be in a wonderful relationship without being married. Think about getting married if you’re together for at least three years, that’s when you really get to know each other. And be thankful you made all those experiences, they’re incredibly valuable for yourself! To get to know you, your boundaries, your desires.
Please be patient with yourself. You seem like a self reflective person, try to give you a lot of time to feel comfortable and explore your desires. You’re still extremely young, you have so much time ahead of you. Don’t spend that on anybody else than yourself.
Don’t get trapped in thinking of what you missed.
What is done, is done.
Appreciate and enjoy what you have. It’s difficult to find a nice person these days, be happy and plan to eventually get married.
You are a lucky young lady.
I started dating someone at 17 and we broke up when I was 27. You’re still very young. You’re not trapped at all, you can walk away any time you want.
If you keep wanting to chase the thrill of meeting someone for the first time you’ll always end up single.
You don’t have to marry him just because you get along with him. You don’t have to stay with him just because he isn’t doing anything wrong. If you want to be single, be single.
Sounds like you’re in a great relationship… and grieving the version of you that never got to roam wild and romantic. Totally human. It’s not that you’re trapped, it’s just that stability has a quietness that makes us miss chaos sometimes.